I haven’t seen my parents in 6 months and they cancel their upcoming visit

[Anonymous]

I’m 8 months pregnant. I haven’t seen my parents since late summer. I will likely not be able to travel to see them soon, because they live 8+ hours away.

I couldn’t see them for Thanksgiving or Christmas because I had to work extra shifts due to a staffing shortage. Then they got the flu and then our house got the flu so a makeup visit couldn’t happen.

They were supposed to come this weekend and cancelled because ... my grandma might have to put her dog down. My Dad and I get along very well normally but I’m really not impressed that they cancel their visit over a dog. It seems like a really lame excuse and I now feel second best to a dog. They didn’t mention any plans for a makeup visit and I’m just feeling angry and over it.

My grandma is not senile and has local, adult children who are very involved in her life but they suddenly have to crowd around her over her dog. I’m very sympathetic to losing a pet, but my grandma is also ON THE WAY to my house and they could easily stop in to visit her on the way but no, apparently they have to devote the entire weekend. I’m just pissed.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP, I'd be upset too, and I sympathize because I experience something similar with my parents (who I am close with) and my sibling. I moved away from our hometown 8 years ago, and they have visited me only about 4 times. My sibling moved away from our hometown 1.5 years ago and they have visited the sibling about 9 times already. Sibling is also further away/harder to get to than me. It sucks to feel like not a priority!

[Anonymous]

It’s her dog. Which is likely like her child. So have some sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s her dog. Which is likely like her child. So have some sympathy.

... I am also their child.

The dog is not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s her dog. Which is likely like her child. So have some sympathy.

I really think PP is the same person that posts the most obnoxious short response in almost every thread I read on this board. This has to be a troll that just goes for the most contrary annoying response. I call troll. OP, above is ridiculous regardless of where you view this issue. Obviously you have more value than your grandmother's dog. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

I would tell them how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your parents don't realize what a big deal it is to you. They may be caught up in your grandma's loss of her dog. That's a terrible thing, BTW, especially to an older person.

Tell your parents you're upset. They probably don't realize. They'll make up the visit soon. Tell them you miss them. Don't be angry, because the truth is you are hurt and sad.

[Anonymous]

That sucks OP. I agree that they aren't being fair to you. My children are still young, but I'd be so thrilled to see my daughter pregnant and look at the nursery and everything before the baby comes.

[Anonymous]

I would mention how you feel without insulting the dog (which I agree is a ridiculous reason to cancel and my feelings would be hurt)

“I am really disappointed that you needed to cancel the visit especially since it has been so long since we have seen one another. I was really looking forward to spending time together.”
I would also suggest another weekend for the visit.

I would avoid mentioning the dog. It will just make them defensive and they likey won’t see your point.

[Anonymous]

Did you consider that possibly the dog is an excuse because they know something more is going on with grandma, and they don't want to tell you about it? Because you're going to give birth soon and maybe they are reluctant to stress you out by telling you something like, "Grandma is acting unlike herself lately/is demanding in ways we haven't told you/might be showing signs of [dementia, illness, or just super attachment to her pet]."

Why is your first instinct to be angry at them rather than to be concerned that they or grandma might be trying to cover up something else that should concern you?

Also, you won't be able to visit them when you have your newborn, but that doesn't mean they won't come visit you. The "we haven't seen each other in six months" was for reasons that all made perfect sense so it's not like they ditch you every single time for something you think is lame.

I'd cut them some slack and ask myself if I was investing this visit with way too much importance because I was very pregnant and wanting one last visit before the baby's here. Understandable but still not a reason to be angry especially if grandma is elderly and possibly not going to be around long. You may not have the full story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you consider that possibly the dog is an excuse because they know something more is going on with grandma, and they don't want to tell you about it? Because you're going to give birth soon and maybe they are reluctant to stress you out by telling you something like, "Grandma is acting unlike herself lately/is demanding in ways we haven't told you/might be showing signs of [dementia, illness, or just super attachment to her pet]."

Why is your first instinct to be angry at them rather than to be concerned that they or grandma might be trying to cover up something else that should concern you?

Also, you won't be able to visit them when you have your newborn, but that doesn't mean they won't come visit you. The "we haven't seen each other in six months" was for reasons that all made perfect sense so it's not like they ditch you every single time for something you think is lame.

I'd cut them some slack and ask myself if I was investing this visit with way too much importance because I was very pregnant and wanting one last visit before the baby's here. Understandable but still not a reason to be angry especially if grandma is elderly and possibly not going to be around long. You may not have the full story.

Or, it's really the dog and they're just being a$$holes.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to say, but it might not get much better as they age. We were the ones who moved away, about 7 hours, and for years spent a week at Christmas and a week in the summer visiting my family. It was an investment in their knowing their grandchildren, but they rarely reciprocated. There were alibis like work, weather, health, not being "travelers," but mainly, they didn't care enough to make the effort. Plus they had my siblings and their other grandchildren nearby. Now they are older and don't like to drive here (DMV) where the traffic takes them out of their comfort zone. So I think it is fairly common for the parents to expect you to do the vast majority of the traveling when you move away. I guess it's the price you pay for moving away from your town of origin. It's irksome sometimes, but they get to make their own choices. There is also a lot of favoritism toward the children/grandchildren in closer proximity which I suppose is understandable (if irksome), but I wouldn't have changed my life decisions for it.

[Anonymous]

Tell them that they’re making you feel less than the dog.

[Anonymous]

I recently posted about a similar problem, so I feel your pain. My sibling lives close to my parents (i moved back to our hometown to be closer to them and then they both moved! Talk about feeling like a leper...). They see each other every couple of weeks and I see them maybe twice a year. Recently that’s only if I travel the 10 hours to them.

I agree with the PP that it will only get worse as they get older. I’m not sure if this is your first baby or if it matters, but with a newborn you’ll be likely feeling especially in need of help, and if you can’t rely on your family it’s going to be a long road paved with hard feelings. I’d suggest having an honest conversation with them to say you love them and wish you could see them more, and that although your circumstances right now make it more difficult for you to go to them, that will probably change when things settle down, and can they help you by making an effort to visit more consistently.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s hurtful.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. I’d be hurt by this.