What if your marriage is great but is becoming increasingly platonic

[Anonymous]

Kissing doesn’t feel right anymore, you can live without frequent sex, you are not eager for date nights...but you are good friends and parent well. And you know it’s not that your sex drive is waning- in fact, you know there are other men out there who would be the perfect match in terms of sex and attraction? I don’t blame the kids. Neither of us gained weight. We hardly fight. Anyone been down this road? Did you divorce amicably or come to an agreement, I.e. open marriage? We are both in our late 30s and I can’t imagine another 20+ years of this, let alone 40 years.

[Anonymous]

Here are the facts. For most people as they age attraction will wane. Sure you can keep changing partners, but you'll end up with another set of problems. Honestly, ask yourself if you're going to be attracted to a spouse in their 50's or 60's? All the other aspects in a marriage that work are more enduring imo.

[Anonymous]

You need to seriously spice up your sex life. If you went to the same restaurant and ordered the same meal week after week, year after year you would get bored and want to try something new. You need to change the menu! Change the location where you have sex, get on the internet and find new positions to try! Use your imagination!

[Anonymous]

Even good marriages ebb and flow, both sexually and emotionally. Are you committed to the relationship? If so, think creatively about how you can refresh the places that feel neglected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kissing doesn’t feel right anymore, you can live without frequent sex, you are not eager for date nights...but you are good friends and parent well. And you know it’s not that your sex drive is waning- in fact, you know there are other men out there who would be the perfect match in terms of sex and attraction? I don’t blame the kids. Neither of us gained weight. We hardly fight. Anyone been down this road? Did you divorce amicably or come to an agreement, I.e. open marriage? We are both in our late 30s and I can’t imagine another 20+ years of this, let alone 40 years.

Does DH know you feel this way?

I would try to work it out for the sake of the kids before divorce / cheating / open marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to seriously spice up your sex life. If you went to the same restaurant and ordered the same meal week after week, year after year you would get bored and want to try something new. You need to change the menu! Change the location where you have sex, get on the internet and find new positions to try! Use your imagination!

This, right here. Go have sex in the back seat of a car, give him oral while driving the next time you show up on a road trip. You must have fantasies. Now is the time to pick one and try it out.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for rebuilding the sex life. Have you guys been talking about this?

[Anonymous]

Welcome to my life. Working on it, too. Was on the ebb for a while, hopefully getting back into the flow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to seriously spice up your sex life. If you went to the same restaurant and ordered the same meal week after week, year after year you would get bored and want to try something new. You need to change the menu! Change the location where you have sex, get on the internet and find new positions to try! Use your imagination!

This, right here. Go have sex in the back seat of a car, give him oral while driving the next time you show up on a road trip. You must have fantasies. Now is the time to pick one and try it out.

Years ago we were in a slump having just finished the hassle of moving with three young children. One day my husband came home at noon to pack for an afternoon flight and suddenly we ended up on the closet floor. It was spontaneous and wild and we both agreed it was a new beginning. That was a long time ago but we still find ways to keep it exciting.

[Anonymous]

Self pleasuring is a well known and effective solution. Also quicker and more spontaneous.

[Anonymous]

at well over 25 years married here and have definitely had some ebbs and flows. We are great friends and co-parents too. You need to work on this issue and do what it takes. As others have said, change how you have sex in some way that works for you. For us, travel is a big help to spending extra time and energy on sex away from all the day-to-day stuff. Do some real kissing or just lay naked together in bed sometimes. This would be a terrible reason to break up a good marriage to a good man and blow up your kid's world unless you have seriously made an effort to get back into him as a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to seriously spice up your sex life. If you went to the same restaurant and ordered the same meal week after week, year after year you would get bored and want to try something new. You need to change the menu! Change the location where you have sex, get on the internet and find new positions to try! Use your imagination!

This, right here. Go have sex in the back seat of a car, give him oral while driving the next time you show up on a road trip. You must have fantasies. Now is the time to pick one and try it out.

+1 on bringing your fantasies to life. It may initially surprise and even shock your husband but he will get over it. If he doesn't respond to helping you live out a fantasy then you have a problem. In one of my crazier moments I came into bed with two scarves and asked my husband to tie me to the headboard. He was happy to.

[Anonymous]

Man here in exact same situation as OP. All the suggestions about spicing things up are great but won't work if your partner just isn't interested in spicing with you. I won't divorce over it but will chest at some point and then she can decide if she wants to divorce over it if I get caught.

It's sucks OP, I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here in exact same situation as OP. All the suggestions about spicing things up are great but won't work if your partner just isn't interested in spicing with you. I won't divorce over it but will chest at some point and then she can decide if she wants to divorce over it if I get caught.

It's sucks OP, I get it.

Women have to drive the train on this one. It doesn't work the other way around. It sucks, but that's the way it goes. All these women afraid to tell their husbands they want to spice things up are worried for no reason. Husbands will almost always be up for it, even if the fantasy is something that doesn't do much for them. Just the idea that their wives have unexplored sexuality is a turn on. If a husband suggests spicing things up, the wife just gets upset thinking "why aren't I enough for him???"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here in exact same situation as OP. All the suggestions about spicing things up are great but won't work if your partner just isn't interested in spicing with you. I won't divorce over it but will chest at some point and then she can decide if she wants to divorce over it if I get caught.

It's sucks OP, I get it.

Then what? Keep cheating and divorcing if the next one is lacking in some marital area. My stupid friend did that. The next one liked to have sex more often but sucked in other areas. As in really important areas. Too many people need to grow up here. They keep a balance sheet then wonder why they are always disappointed. It's not the other persons job to keep you constantly entertained. Look in the mirror, your tally sheet would be tiring. Maybe your spouse isn't thrilled with your job requirements.