As educators, what do you really think of...

[Anonymous]

... the perpetually late or absent child, who never turns in assignments or paperwork, who you know isn’t encouraged by the parents to read/supplement at home, who is always falling behind, etc.? Do you struggle with personal feelings towards the child? The parents? Do you let it affect the way you each the child?

[Anonymous]

Judge the parents, love the kid more and work extra with them.

I will say, many of my colleagues blame and resent the kid

[Anonymous]

I teach high school, home today with a sick child...here are my thoughts on this:

I try harder to help that child because I know there are dynamics that might be out of their control. I go out of my way to send passes for them to come see my at open lunch to make up missing work. I take work way past the due date because I know sometimes a kid gets so far behind they feel like they have no idea where to start. Sometimes they don't understand. Sometimes there are things going on in their life that I'll never understand, being a UMC white woman.

So, do my feelings change? Yeah, I think mostly I care more and want to see them succeed, especially because nearly all are capable and just need someone to believe in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Judge the parents, love the kid more and work extra with them.

I will say, many of my colleagues blame and resent the kid

This is what I’m noticing too, and it troubles me.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for the child because they have zero control over any of this. Most of my students fit this description (or part of it anyway). In my Title 1 school, parents struggle with just making a living so they don't have time, energy or interest to make sure their child is prepared for school. For some of them, just getting their kids to school on time is an accomplishment. Some of the parents are outwardly hostile to school, teachers, etc so that makes for an uncomfortable situation. I have students tell me their parents throw away their school papers, forms, homework because they don't think it is their job to do any of it at home. I still make attempts to contact parents because I have to but I know it won't do any good. They won't answer their phone or it's disconnected. I try to help the kids stay organized but it is hard to see a successful future for students who are late or absent all of the time. They don't think it's a big deal so I wonder how keeping a job will work when they are so used to not showing up or being late. We discuss the importance of being on time, being organized, etc but their daily lives go against all of this. I give these kids extra hugs and praise because they are dying for it. They are what keeps me here and keeps me going. Some of them won't hear a kind word all day until they come to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for the child because they have zero control over any of this. Most of my students fit this description (or part of it anyway). In my Title 1 school, parents struggle with just making a living so they don't have time, energy or interest to make sure their child is prepared for school. For some of them, just getting their kids to school on time is an accomplishment. Some of the parents are outwardly hostile to school, teachers, etc so that makes for an uncomfortable situation. I have students tell me their parents throw away their school papers, forms, homework because they don't think it is their job to do any of it at home. I still make attempts to contact parents because I have to but I know it won't do any good. They won't answer their phone or it's disconnected. I try to help the kids stay organized but it is hard to see a successful future for students who are late or absent all of the time. They don't think it's a big deal so I wonder how keeping a job will work when they are so used to not showing up or being late. We discuss the importance of being on time, being organized, etc but their daily lives go against all of this. I give these kids extra hugs and praise because they are dying for it. They are what keeps me here and keeps me going. Some of them won't hear a kind word all day until they come to school.

This is so sad. They must need those hugs so much.

[Anonymous]

I teach 8th grade at a low income school. I have lots of students who fit the description.

Staff across the board goes out of their way to try to even the playing field for these kids. We all stay after multiple days a week for free tutoring, bring them food and send passes to remind them, etc. More than anything though, we try to teach them skills to overcome the deficits they have at home. I've purchased an alarm clock for a kid who had no way of waking up on time for the bus. I've helped them apply for high school scholarships when they didn't have a present parent to navigate the forms for them.

We love these kids and while there is definitely pity and sadness for the cards they were dealt, the fact of the matter is that in a few short years no one is going to care that they have it rough, so we have to help them become self sufficient and independent in the mean time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Judge the parents, love the kid more and work extra with them.

I will say, many of my colleagues blame and resent the kid

I’ve seen a teacher openly humiliate a 2nd grader who fits this description. She singled out Larla, who was late again, by *almost* selecting her to tend to a task, but then changed her mind, stating that “Larla can’t do it. She wasn’t here on time so she doesn’t know what to do. Who WAS here on time and wants to help?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judge the parents, love the kid more and work extra with them.

I will say, many of my colleagues blame and resent the kid

I’ve seen a teacher openly humiliate a 2nd grader who fits this description. She singled out Larla, who was late again, by *almost* selecting her to tend to a task, but then changed her mind, stating that “Larla can’t do it. She wasn’t here on time so she doesn’t know what to do. Who WAS here on time and wants to help?”

Wow, that particular teacher sounds awful.

My observations of educators and kids like this has been completely the opposite, with the teachers spending extra time to help them in any way they can. All those extra school supplies we send in at the beginning of the year? They’re usually going to the kids who have very little, whose parents are working two or more jobs and doing the best they can just to provide the necessities for their kids, but just don’t have enough for school supplies, also.

[Anonymous]

I don't blame kids for attendance or tardies. Ever. I don't blame kids for low academic achievement. I even can understand and empathize with some families for not being able to do the homework (lack of language, domestic issues, etc) or supplement at home. For me, the hard thing to deal with are behaviors. I have a very difficult child in my room this year, likely on the spectrum (undiagnosed). VERY difficult. Parents aren't any help and in fact are contributing to the behaviors being worse than they need to be. I don't want to get too detailed but I resent the heck out of the parents and I have to force myself to "act" like I love and care for this student. I actually dislike him very much. However, I try very hard to be kind, firm, supportive even though I don't feel any of those things. For me this is being professional. I do feel a lot of guilt over how much I dislike him and how much I pray he doesn't show up at school each day.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a witch. You should find another job. If you have those kinds of feelings towards a child you are supposed to be leading and teaching you need to take a deep look at yourself and the type of person you are.

I know a teacher like this who hated a child in her class and the child knew it and everyone else knew it. She was deluding herself thinking she was bring "professional" and telling everyone how supportive and kind she was being whereas she was really causing a lot of harm to the child.

Don't think the child doesn't feel your dislike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a witch. You should find another job. If you have those kinds of feelings towards a child you are supposed to be leading and teaching you need to take a deep look at yourself and the type of person you are.

I know a teacher like this who hated a child in her class and the child knew it and everyone else knew it. She was deluding herself thinking she was bring "professional" and telling everyone how supportive and kind she was being whereas she was really causing a lot of harm to the child.

Don't think the child doesn't feel your dislike.

So in DC, teachers are given very significant raises if their students meet performance standards. Real money. Why wouldn't a teacher resent the kid that is never there? Sure, it's the crappy parents fault that the kid is never there for instruction. But why should a teacher just forgive it in lieu of a $20K bonus?

[Anonymous]

Send the kid to our school. My child's math teacher yelled at me for supplementing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't blame kids for attendance or tardies. Ever. I don't blame kids for low academic achievement. I even can understand and empathize with some families for not being able to do the homework (lack of language, domestic issues, etc) or supplement at home. For me, the hard thing to deal with are behaviors. I have a very difficult child in my room this year, likely on the spectrum (undiagnosed). VERY difficult. Parents aren't any help and in fact are contributing to the behaviors being worse than they need to be. I don't want to get too detailed but I resent the heck out of the parents and I have to force myself to "act" like I love and care for this student. I actually dislike him very much. However, I try very hard to be kind, firm, supportive even though I don't feel any of those things. For me this is being professional. I do feel a lot of guilt over how much I dislike him and how much I pray he doesn't show up at school each day.

Sounds like both the school and parents are failing the child. You talk about what the parents are not doing but what are you doing? You should initiate an IEP and get him more supports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a witch. You should find another job. If you have those kinds of feelings towards a child you are supposed to be leading and teaching you need to take a deep look at yourself and the type of person you are.

I know a teacher like this who hated a child in her class and the child knew it and everyone else knew it. She was deluding herself thinking she was bring "professional" and telling everyone how supportive and kind she was being whereas she was really causing a lot of harm to the child.

Don't think the child doesn't feel your dislike.

Teachers are human too. Don't judge until you've been there, done that.

I am a parent of a child with special needs. Despite school services and accommodations, parental attention, tutoring, medication and behavioral training, it's hard for him. I am SO GRATEFUL for the teachers who understand him, or at least respect that we are all trying out best! MCPS has so far exceeded my expectations in that regard and we are already finishing middle school.

But I feel for the children with special needs who also have challenging/neglectful family situations and don't get the help they desperately need. My son is cocooned in his middle class family with all the services we can get him and STILL can barely get to school on time and finish his work. What about these other children?

Thank you teachers. Please continue to help these kids.