HS freshman screwed up in an elective

[Anonymous]

We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

You are insane. Get a grip.

Your husband is an asshole. Badgering, harassing, and bullying someone will not result in positive outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

[Anonymous]

Take the gaming computer away.

--Been there done that

[Anonymous]

Is this public school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

It’s not that bad. Pulling his grade up now to an A or B will look good to colleges. Your kid is a kid. He’s allowed to screw up and recover from it. Show him that you don’t have to be prefect; learn from your mistakes. It’s only going to ruin his life if you label him a failure now and he internalizes being a screw up. He can still get into an excellent university on a scholarship if needed. Talk about a consequence and the additional supports he needs to establish a habit of reliability in that course. Then follow up. Do t helicopter.

[Anonymous]

Does your son typically respond well to abusive behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

[Anonymous]

This is really not a big deal in the big scheme of things! Please ask your husband to discuss rationally because yelling and screaming at child will not work.

Few things:

-If does all workgoing forward can end with a B or C+
-Discuss expectations of respect, commitment, follow thru, time management
-Give a short- time bound consequence like no gaming or friends this weekend and then if you want something longer term til mid way next qtr
-It’s 9thvgrade, plenty of time to overcome this as a few honors, AP, IB courses will bump GPA
-Colleges like to see growth!
-Lastly, and not an excuse but perspective, even if dc does everything right there is no guarantee he will get thus imaginary wonderful perfect select college. I’ve seen kids with great profiles not get in to their top choice. It’s almost a lottery. Sure you have to “ play to win” but still do many unknowns.
- you have a right to expect effort, commitment but you also have to allow for some failures, maturation, and individualism.

If y’all head down this yelling, punitive path it will not yield the results you think it will.

-Parent, counselor, college advisor ( typing on phone on metro!)

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a learning opportunity. Good thing it’s ninth grade and not 10th or 11th. Your husband needs to calm down and parent rationally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really not a big deal in the big scheme of things! Please ask your husband to discuss rationally because yelling and screaming at child will not work.

Few things:

-If does all workgoing forward can end with a B or C+
-Discuss expectations of respect, commitment, follow thru, time management
-Give a short- time bound consequence like no gaming or friends this weekend and then if you want something longer term til mid way next qtr
-It’s 9thvgrade, plenty of time to overcome this as a few honors, AP, IB courses will bump GPA
-Colleges like to see growth!
-Lastly, and not an excuse but perspective, even if dc does everything right there is no guarantee he will get thus imaginary wonderful perfect select college. I’ve seen kids with great profiles not get in to their top choice. It’s almost a lottery. Sure you have to “ play to win” but still do many unknowns.
- you have a right to expect effort, commitment but you also have to allow for some failures, maturation, and individualism.

If y’all head down this yelling, punitive path it will not yield the results you think it will.

-Parent, counselor, college advisor ( typing on phone on metro!)

This.

My daughter had a 4.27, was in a select leadership program, played an instrument for 10 years, top of her class, numerous awards, including some published writing, and even had a summer internship at an IT company, and took a load of AP classes and didn't get in UVA , but she did get I into Columbia, Upenn and Yale. She had her heart set on UVA and was crushed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

You are insane. Get a grip.

Your husband is an asshole. Badgering, harassing, and bullying someone will not result in positive outcomes.

Geeze, no wonder the teen suicide rate is so high with parents like these who can win?
You both are acting like it's the end of the world. Does your child.have any other value to his father other than a letter grade? Youd think the kid had just been caught shooting Heroine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

Ma'am. Really? There are thousands of colleges and universities in the US, even ones that take B and C students. What is he doing that he isn't turning in his assignments? Start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

[Anonymous]

1.) Your spouse needs to get a damn grip. If your spouse were a kid in my house, I’d make him run around the block to blow off steam or punch the sofa or do an angry drawing.

2.) Your kid is fine. This is not a disaster. It’s freshman year, it’s an elective that he presumably had interest in taking, and if he’s as generally on top of things as he sounds like he might be, this is a normal natural consequence he’ll learn from. FWIW, my kid (now a junior) sputtered a little freshman year, too. It happens. As they mature, they get a handle on managing their GPAs if it’s important to them.