HS freshman screwed up in an elective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Yeah, those are called “grades.”

[Anonymous]

With all of the extra nonsense BS teachers are required to do these days, they don't always have time to update grades frequently. This must be a public school. In the private school my DS goes to, teachers have 7 days from the time of the due date of the test, quiz, assignment, etc to enter the grade online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

You husband is the problem, not your son. A d in an elective class freshman year is no big deal. It won't prevent him from getting admitted to college. Seriously, my oldest was a bit of a slacker in HS despite being very bright and testing well. He has graduated from college and is now employed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

You are insane. Get a grip.

Your husband is an asshole. Badgering, harassing, and bullying someone will not result in positive outcomes.

This. You and your husband are failing at parenting if this is how you deal with minor setbacks of your children.

[Anonymous]

Good thing it wasn’t an F!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Do you have a reading comprehension problem? Ops first comment was ‘we knew we had a problem’. Why the hell didn’t they reach out to the teacher earlier?

This is a parenting fail from the beginning to the current explosive anger driven reaction. The teacher isn’t going to hand hold a HS student

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the gaming computer away.

--Been there done that

+ 1

I am the mom of a freshman who got straight As this semester, and that only happened because I threw a fit about how much he was playing video games. He is still playing in the bathroom on his IPad in the mornings, and he thinks I do not know. His peers who spend a lot of time playing games have got B's and Cs this semester. The parents are afraid to upset the apple carts because they do not want to antagonize the students or to make them feel pressured.

[Anonymous]

+1 to all the 'get a grip' / 'this isn't the end of the world or his college hopes' comments.

Time for your son to step up and take some responsibility. He should request a meeting with the teacher (no parents!). Own up to what he did wrong -- missed assignments, late homework, whatever. Say that he knows his work so far is what earned him the D, but he wants to turn it around for the second semester, and what can he do moving forward. And accept the consequences whatever it may be.

This is good practice for the working world -- everyone has issues at some point that cause their performance to slip. It's acknowledging it & recovering that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the gaming computer away.

--Been there done that

+ 1

I am the mom of a freshman who got straight As this semester, and that only happened because I threw a fit about how much he was playing video games. He is still playing in the bathroom on his IPad in the mornings, and he thinks I do not know. His peers who spend a lot of time playing games have got B's and Cs this semester. The parents are afraid to upset the apple carts because they do not want to antagonize the students or to make them feel pressured.

Ditto. We had firm limits on DS's gaming time. Told him if he could maintain a weighted 4.0 then we would trust him to manage his own game time. Now has a 4.1 and we don't argue about gaming.

[Anonymous]

Stop jumping on the husband. The kid really screwed up. It's not easy to get a D in an *elective*. Surely the kid was not turning in work, not paying attention in class, etc. If this were for a B, or even C, I'd say he overreacted. But for a D, a strong response is warranted.

It's a parent job to set high expectations. If there are no repercussions for screwing around this much in 9th grade, the kid will never learn to work hard and aim high.

That said, OP--I would suggest checking in with the teacher NOT to ask about extra credit or whatever, but to see what the source of the problem was and see if the teacher will reveal the grade distribution. Response for a kid who skipped class/didn't turn in homework is different than the response toward a kid who the teacher thought was trying but who couldn't accomplish the assigned tasks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

You are insane. Get a grip.

Your husband is an asshole. Badgering, harassing, and bullying someone will not result in positive outcomes.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Do you have a reading comprehension problem? Ops first comment was ‘we knew we had a problem’. Why the hell didn’t they reach out to the teacher earlier?

This is a parenting fail from the beginning to the current explosive anger driven reaction. The teacher isn’t going to hand hold a HS student

No..I am good with reading...here is a refresher for you..

We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.)

We knew it wasn't great does not mean a D. If the parents/students saw the D or maybe even a C coming they would have had the opportunity to take action and improve the situation. I was in this situation with my son but he was not a freshman and it was math. He had a B..fine..and it was a reliably ok subject for him. The teacher stopped grading tests the beginning of December. The second week in January he suddenly had a D! It was the week before the final (old calendar). Teacher fail. Luckily we could do intensive tutoring the weekend before the final and he got a C. Still not a good grade and not everyone could get that much tutoring. After getting some grades we knew he needed to get extra help.

[Anonymous]

OP, I received a D in my second-semester algebra course. It was the only non-A on my transcript, and I went to an elite college. Your DS’s poor grade is not in a core class but in an elective. If it’s his only non-A/B grade, he’ll be fine. Help him use it as a learning experience. And tell your DH to chill the f out.

[Anonymous]

For FCPS, colleges don’t even see quarter grades, only end of the year. So, if grades improve, no one will know. Use this as a learning experience and work together to come up with a plan to do better next quarter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

No, it's the student's job to meet expectations which are spelled out Day 1.