HS freshman screwed up in an elective

[Anonymous]

OP - If your kid has trouble with the organizing and the turning the stuff in, do a daily checkup with the on-line gradebook. No yelling. Just you and him going through what's there and confirming your kid did what he was supposed to.

You should also work on teaching your kid how to deal with the teacher's electronic platforms (different than the gradebook) and how to stay on top of it. Quite possibly, your kid just isn't ready for what's coming at him. I know my kid couldn't compensate for disorganized teachers. We worked long and hard without yelling on teaching him how to check and recheck and then confirm. In ninth grade, he had seven classes and nine places to check. Really beyond his capacity. So we worked on it until he could manage on his own. No yelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the gaming computer away.

--Been there done that

+ 1

I am the mom of a freshman who got straight As this semester, and that only happened because I threw a fit about how much he was playing video games. He is still playing in the bathroom on his IPad in the mornings, and he thinks I do not know. His peers who spend a lot of time playing games have got B's and Cs this semester. The parents are afraid to upset the apple carts because they do not want to antagonize the students or to make them feel pressured.

Ditto. We had firm limits on DS's gaming time. Told him if he could maintain a weighted 4.0 then we would trust him to manage his own game time. Now has a 4.1 and we don't argue about gaming.

Guess it depends on the kid. Mine has had straight As since 6th grade and as an 8th grader has to be busted over to the high school for math class because there are no math classes at his bbn public school for his level. The way he is tracking, he will have to be DE at the community college to continue in high school math by the time hes in 11th. We out absolutely no limits on gaming. He also is a serious student with his heart set on MIT. I actually think the gaming stretches his brain, along with the games he spends hours on programming himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We knew it wasn't great but the teacher didn't post grades to the portal for most of the quarter until this weekend and now we realize it's a disaster (D.) How bad is this?

Fwiw DS is not a high-flier student; he's in mostly honors classes with As and Bs but absent parental pressure he does the bare minimum. He's a great kid, mature for his age and kind, with a nice group of nerdy friends, and I think his personality will take him a long way in life. I don't expect him to be competitive at top-tier colleges but I don't want him to tank any hope of college as a freshman, especially over an elective where he just failed to turn in a bunch of assignments.

My related problem is that my husband is out-of-control furious about this. Checking the portal incessantly, screaming, slamming doors, making threats. He stormed out of the house at 630am because my son refused to sit for a before-school lecture. (He already spent much of yesterday freaking out and screaming at DS.) That's probably an issue for a different forum but if anyone has any advice on managing expectations I'd be grateful.

Um, you are focusing on the wrong person. Your DH is the big problem here. What a douchebag!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Though I think this is a two-way street, I do think it should have been clearer before now this kid was on the road to a D.

Pretty sure the kid knew that he had not done his work. By the time they are in HS it is their responsibility to keep track. Sorry, you can't really shift the blame on that one.

Relax. Who is shifting blame on "that one" or any one? That's why I said "two-way street." My only point is that, yes, teachers often do wait to enter grades until the end of the term, and that can be surprising. Since so much work is online--ie, kids don't often get back a paper test with a big red "D" on it anymore--so there is a less-frequent feedback loop. That said, of course there were clues the grade wasn't going to be good. When you hover even in B territory, and there are a number of still-missing grades, there's a statistical possibility you could reach a D if there are several tests or quizzes that are weighted more heavily than homework.

I maintain that it is a HS age child's own responsibility to keep track of his grades. The student knew that he missed assignments. He also knew that those missed assignments would receive a 0% score. The student knew how the grades would be calculated (weighting is in the syllabus). The teacher does not have an obligation to continually 'remind' a disinterested pupil.

Well I maintain that my kid wasn't ready in ninth to manage it, and that his Luddite teachers didn't make it any easier with electronic chaos. So I and a tutor worked on bringing his skills to where they needed to be and by the time senior year came around, he was there. Doing fine in college. We talk once a week and I see his grades once a semester.

[Anonymous]

Your problem is your husband. It's an elective and he has higher grades in real classes. He's also a freshman. You aren't concerned about this grade as much as you are trying to deescalate and defuse your husband which is the real problem.

[Anonymous]

Would just like to add too I am a teacher who teaches freshmen. Specifically because of this (kids and parents acting like they could not have possibly known he wouldn't do well though he knew he had missing work), I keep my gradebook fully up to date at all times. Fast grading and a 0 as soon as something isn't submitted. This way no kid or parent can claim they didn't see the bad grade coming (though because they will still try, admin requires us personally call you and say "hey even though it's your job to check the grades I have put in, jsyk, your failing kid might actually fail this quarter").

A D isn't the end of the world. But don't pin your marital and family strife on the teacher. Your kid KNEW they didn't do the work and I 100% guarantee the teacher warned him to submit missing stuff and he claimed he would but never did. Don't blame the teacher simply because you cant control your husband and need a scapegoat.

[Anonymous]

Is your son in MCPS? Can he simply retake the class and replace the grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would just like to add too I am a teacher who teaches freshmen. Specifically because of this (kids and parents acting like they could not have possibly known he wouldn't do well though he knew he had missing work), I keep my gradebook fully up to date at all times. Fast grading and a 0 as soon as something isn't submitted. This way no kid or parent can claim they didn't see the bad grade coming (though because they will still try, admin requires us personally call you and say "hey even though it's your job to check the grades I have put in, jsyk, your failing kid might actually fail this quarter").

A D isn't the end of the world. But don't pin your marital and family strife on the teacher. Your kid KNEW they didn't do the work and I 100% guarantee the teacher warned him to submit missing stuff and he claimed he would but never did. Don't blame the teacher simply because you cant control your husband and need a scapegoat.

So my only complaint is where were you when my kid was a freshman?

I know it is hard work to grade in a timely way, but we both know it is good pedagogy (because there is a ton of learning that goes on through the assessment process). On behalf of parents struggling with less than mature kids, thank you for doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would just like to add too I am a teacher who teaches freshmen. Specifically because of this (kids and parents acting like they could not have possibly known he wouldn't do well though he knew he had missing work), I keep my gradebook fully up to date at all times. Fast grading and a 0 as soon as something isn't submitted. This way no kid or parent can claim they didn't see the bad grade coming (though because they will still try, admin requires us personally call you and say "hey even though it's your job to check the grades I have put in, jsyk, your failing kid might actually fail this quarter").

A D isn't the end of the world. But don't pin your marital and family strife on the teacher. Your kid KNEW they didn't do the work and I 100% guarantee the teacher warned him to submit missing stuff and he claimed he would but never did. Don't blame the teacher simply because you cant control your husband and need a scapegoat.

+1

I’m a teacher and second this big time. However, I see this all the time from parents of kids my child goes to school with. They complain and complain about the teacher, but I know for a fact their child tunes out lessons (sometimes sleeps during them!) and doesn’t use allocated study time properly during the school day. It’s incredible. OP, not saying this is the case with your child, but it is very, very unlikely this grade was a surprise to him.

[Anonymous]

OP back again. Sorry I didn't see how many responses until just now. Just to be clear, I'm not blaming the teacher at all, and I fully appreciate that my husband's fuming is the bigger issue here. I also recognize that my son is primarily responsible: he assured us in the last few days that several major assignments had been turned in when in fact they hadn't. My husband reached out to the teacher who pointed this out. Which was part of the reason for the fury.

The teacher had some family issues which meant that a sub was covering for a good chunk of the term. Grades were MIA. It's not ideal but stuff like this will happen. In the end it's the kid's responsibility.

I'm pretty upset about my husband's reaction. He's a first generation immigrant, came from real poverty, and education is a BFD. His explanation is that there are essentially 6 semesters that will matter for GPA when applying to college (freshman, sophmore, junior yrs) and he pointed out that DS did worse overall in the second term than in the first. Everyone was calmer last night and there were reasonable discussions about how to manage the workload better going forward.

We confiscated DS's tablet, since YouTube watching is a much bigger problem for him than gaming. We haven't found that an all-out ban is effective but screen time is going to be much more restrictive moving forward. I don't think this is ADHD or a LD; every teacher we've ever pressed on this question is confident that it's just a question of effort on his part. He's the only teenager I've ever met who's genuinely comfortable with himself and I think he needs motivation more than medicine.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm really not a nutjob myself fwiw - he's a great kid and I know he'll do good in this world, but that doesn't mean I won't intervene when he's screwing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back again. Sorry I didn't see how many responses until just now. Just to be clear, I'm not blaming the teacher at all, and I fully appreciate that my husband's fuming is the bigger issue here. I also recognize that my son is primarily responsible: he assured us in the last few days that several major assignments had been turned in when in fact they hadn't. My husband reached out to the teacher who pointed this out. Which was part of the reason for the fury.

The teacher had some family issues which meant that a sub was covering for a good chunk of the term. Grades were MIA. It's not ideal but stuff like this will happen. In the end it's the kid's responsibility.

I'm pretty upset about my husband's reaction. He's a first generation immigrant, came from real poverty, and education is a BFD. His explanation is that there are essentially 6 semesters that will matter for GPA when applying to college (freshman, sophmore, junior yrs) and he pointed out that DS did worse overall in the second term than in the first. Everyone was calmer last night and there were reasonable discussions about how to manage the workload better going forward.

We confiscated DS's tablet, since YouTube watching is a much bigger problem for him than gaming. We haven't found that an all-out ban is effective but screen time is going to be much more restrictive moving forward. I don't think this is ADHD or a LD; every teacher we've ever pressed on this question is confident that it's just a question of effort on his part. He's the only teenager I've ever met who's genuinely comfortable with himself and I think he needs motivation more than medicine.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm really not a nutjob myself fwiw - he's a great kid and I know he'll do good in this world, but that doesn't mean I won't intervene when he's screwing up.

Teachers are not doctors and can't diagnose ADHD. Take it from someone with experience on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back again. Sorry I didn't see how many responses until just now. Just to be clear, I'm not blaming the teacher at all, and I fully appreciate that my husband's fuming is the bigger issue here. I also recognize that my son is primarily responsible: he assured us in the last few days that several major assignments had been turned in when in fact they hadn't. My husband reached out to the teacher who pointed this out. Which was part of the reason for the fury.

The teacher had some family issues which meant that a sub was covering for a good chunk of the term. Grades were MIA. It's not ideal but stuff like this will happen. In the end it's the kid's responsibility.

I'm pretty upset about my husband's reaction. He's a first generation immigrant, came from real poverty, and education is a BFD. His explanation is that there are essentially 6 semesters that will matter for GPA when applying to college (freshman, sophmore, junior yrs) and he pointed out that DS did worse overall in the second term than in the first. Everyone was calmer last night and there were reasonable discussions about how to manage the workload better going forward.

We confiscated DS's tablet, since YouTube watching is a much bigger problem for him than gaming. We haven't found that an all-out ban is effective but screen time is going to be much more restrictive moving forward. I don't think this is ADHD or a LD; every teacher we've ever pressed on this question is confident that it's just a question of effort on his part. He's the only teenager I've ever met who's genuinely comfortable with himself and I think he needs motivation more than medicine.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm really not a nutjob myself fwiw - he's a great kid and I know he'll do good in this world, but that doesn't mean I won't intervene when he's screwing up.

I think this provides even more explanation for dh's tirade. I once contacted a teacher about something assuming my ds's story was correct (assignments turned in, etc) only to have the teacher (politely) inform me that ds's version was not correct. Not only was I furious at ds for a) not being responsible about turning in work, and b) lying to me about turning in work, but c) I was then humiliated about hearing it from the teacher.

Without viewing it, it's hard to say dh's behavior was appropriate. But to me, it's entirely within the boundaries of understandable. And hopefully it motivates DS to stay more on top of things in the future.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of a ninth grader, this post sums up what I don't like about this area.

My DD says her peers are beyond stressed. All they ever talk about is grades, and assignments. They freely share their test scores with everyone, and freak out over everything to the point that they're paralyzed and can't finish things (it might not be perfect). They have no personality or "fire in the belly" beyond their academics. Our DD says how she wishes we would move someplace where "people are normal, and nice". I have to agree with her more and more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it is the end of the quarter. Are there any missing assignments that can be submitted at this point? DS does probably have some leverage if he had no indication of the grade until the end. Otherwise he just needs to make sure it does not happen again. Sounds like he is not applying to Harvard and colleges will over look a fluky low grade. Some only count core classes in the gpa calc too.

“Leverage”?!?! With DCUM, I knew there would be a parent who’d want to blame it on the teacher and bend the rules for the kid.

No. The kid knew he blew off assignments. It’s the kid’s responsibility. Don’t bail him out by trying to blame the teacher. Let him change his habits. Let him accept that he broke this and he can fix it himself. He doesn’t need mom and dad coming in aiming daggers at the teacher and demanding a grade change.

It is the teacher's job to provide feedback over the course of the term. They failed the student.

Though I think this is a two-way street, I do think it should have been clearer before now this kid was on the road to a D.

Pretty sure the kid knew that he had not done his work. By the time they are in HS it is their responsibility to keep track. Sorry, you can't really shift the blame on that one.

Relax. Who is shifting blame on "that one" or any one? That's why I said "two-way street." My only point is that, yes, teachers often do wait to enter grades until the end of the term, and that can be surprising. Since so much work is online--ie, kids don't often get back a paper test with a big red "D" on it anymore--so there is a less-frequent feedback loop. That said, of course there were clues the grade wasn't going to be good. When you hover even in B territory, and there are a number of still-missing grades, there's a statistical possibility you could reach a D if there are several tests or quizzes that are weighted more heavily than homework.

I maintain that it is a HS age child's own responsibility to keep track of his grades. The student knew that he missed assignments. He also knew that those missed assignments would receive a 0% score. The student knew how the grades would be calculated (weighting is in the syllabus). The teacher does not have an obligation to continually 'remind' a disinterested pupil.

Well I maintain that my kid wasn't ready in ninth to manage it, and that his Luddite teachers didn't make it any easier with electronic chaos. So I and a tutor worked on bringing his skills to where they needed to be and by the time senior year came around, he was there. Doing fine in college. We talk once a week and I see his grades once a semester.

It certainly doesn't require more than middle school math skills to calculate your grade. Why wasn't your child ready to do that in 9th grade? Jr High/HS is generally a good stopping point for hand-holding unless there as disabilities or delays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a ninth grader, this post sums up what I don't like about this area.

My DD says her peers are beyond stressed. All they ever talk about is grades, and assignments. They freely share their test scores with everyone, and freak out over everything to the point that they're paralyzed and can't finish things (it might not be perfect). They have no personality or "fire in the belly" beyond their academics. Our DD says how she wishes we would move someplace where "people are normal, and nice". I have to agree with her more and more.

Hint: it's the parents here creating this atmosphere. The schools have to respond to it and we don't like it anymore than you do. I tell my students all the time intelligence presents itself in many more ways than academics and grades aren't everything. But they really believe they are. I asked them what it would be like if we didn't use grades in school and they looked like they wanted to die.

If I were OP's kid's teacher I wouldn't care at all he got a D. Their grade is their thing. But I would care he lied about submitting it and made me look bad to his parents.

-freshman teacher