Not invited to cousin’s wedding

[Anonymous]

So one of my first cousins lives on the other side of the country. We frequently visited each other, every few years. With school. Wrote letters, cards. She got pregnant in high school. And then we became good friends via phone for many years. She said family comes first. Fast forward to me having kids, I stopped traveling cross country, but we still talked and caught up about each other and family. She finally started seeing a guy that’s not what we really wanted for her. He got another girl pregnant right before they started dating, other drama. She came to visit the East coast and came to my house for a few hours with said boyfriend.

Fast forward this past October, I get a call from my other cousin about being excluded from the bridal party, and only being invited to the wedding. I realize then I may not be invited. My father got invited but he’s getting old and declined the travel. I hear it’s only aunts and uncles. Tonight I sign on Facebook and guess what. It’s a huge wedding! All my aunts and uncles and cousins and their kids are there! I don’t know why I got excluded. We never had drama, and it wasn’t a small wedding, not just aunts and uncles. Did she think i wouldnt find out? I’m pretty upset because no I’m not going to want to visit her when we go out there if she doesn’t want me at her wedding and tried the excuse of only aunts and uncles. How am I suppose to respond to that? Just not care?

[Anonymous]

I should add I’m married but we eloped because I didn’t want to not invite some family as that’s just very hurtful in my opinion. So it was just us.

I wouldn’t care if it was a small wedding but inviting everyone and all the kids cousins it’s like ouch.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she picked up on the fact that you don’t like her now husband. Maybe she was pissed she didn’t get to go to your wedding.

[Anonymous]

I agree. She only wanted,people there who liked husband. Did you tell her he was not for her?

[Anonymous]

maybe your invite got lost in the mail to misdelivered, bad address etc. Maybe she thinks you're the asshole for not responding to the invitation.

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering if disliking the SO/being unsupportive of the marriage is the reason. I absolutely banned certain of my SO’s cousins who’d said and done horrible things from our wedding.. To be fair, ours is being kept intimate.. My logic and hers, too, I suppose, is that I have a right to have a drama-free wedding with people who support us as a couple and will support our marriage. In my case, there is no doubt they would be unable to behave even for a few hours.
I feel like something is missing from your post-exactly how close were you-recently? Were you vocal in your disapproval? It obviously got back to her or was obvious during the visit.

[Anonymous]

We can't answer why. Be gracious and send her a wedding gift.

[Anonymous]

“A guy that’s not what WE wanted for her....”

Yeah, I can see why you weren’t invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can't answer why. Be gracious and send her a wedding gift.

Or don’t send her a gift, but send her a sincere “congratulations” card and move forward without taking any offense.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you bored and just looking for drama? Be an adult. Send her a card with a lovely message. Be happy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“A guy that’s not what WE wanted for her....”

Yeah, I can see why you weren’t invited.

This. I’m sure both the guy and cousin picked up on this during their visit.

Try not to be so judgemental and people will probably be more willing to have you in their lives.

FWIW I wouldn’t have invited you either.

And, I’m sure there’s more to this story you either aren’t saying or are completely unaware of your behavior in the past.

[Anonymous]

Hmm I guess I could see that. The only person I would have agreed about the guy is my other cousin who was invited to the wedding. Who came to gossip to me about the guy. She was the one who told me about the pregnancy thing. And what a loser he was. I never said those things, only oh wow well what can you do. If she’s happy. My other aunt same was saying bad things, but they were all invited. She even had a huge fight with her dad and brother and at one point they were invited but they were there.

I guess it’s possible my other cousin is just a gossip and I was made to look bad which is weird from that cousin.

[Anonymous]

My husband was super gracious to her boyfriend/guy when they were here and we talked for hours so again, if they sensed weirdness why stay for hours. I don’t dislike the guy just explaining the general opinion of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering if disliking the SO/being unsupportive of the marriage is the reason. I absolutely banned certain of my SO’s cousins who’d said and done horrible things from our wedding.. To be fair, ours is being kept intimate.. My logic and hers, too, I suppose, is that I have a right to have a drama-free wedding with people who support us as a couple and will support our marriage. In my case, there is no doubt they would be unable to behave even for a few hours.
I feel like something is missing from your post-exactly how close were you-recently? Were you vocal in your disapproval? It obviously got back to her or was obvious during the visit.

I definitely know how to behave. We weren’t as close recently, but that’s more she pulled away from the family in general after starting dating this guy.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the invite got lost in the mail. It happens.