Scared to tell DH about KKI autism screening

[Anonymous]

Looks like we may finally get off the KKI Autism Center waitlist some time in the next few months, and I am petrified to tell DH. He doesn't think there is anything wrong at all with DS and is going to claim that I'm "railroading him with a diagnosis" and that I "just need to have more faith in DS" and will also freak out about how "they're just going to give him medication!!!" (FWIW meds are not on the table in my mind at the moment, and I am equally if not more cautious than DH about meds.)

Hints? I was hoping that the KKI eval would appear more general so I could just say "it's a developmental evaluation" but it says Center for Autism on the paperwork.

[Anonymous]

Really common for dads to be in denial OP.

I would still go to the eval, but maybe not tell him about it right away. Any reason you have to tell him right now?

If he is on the spectrum, regardless of the KKI evaluation he will eventually have to come to terms with it as more and more teachers begin to question what might be going on with your DS. Then he can't point the finger at you.

It sucks, I know.

[Anonymous]

You should open your mind to meds. Would you deny your child medicine if he had a physical ailment?

[Anonymous]

You need to be strong, determined, even forceful, OP. You remind me of my best friend who has never persuaded her idiot husband that their clearly dyslexic child needs evaluation and treatment. They are in MCPS which recognizes many disorders but not dyslexia so she’s not getting any help or support at school. At this point it’s painful to watch this bright child struggling without any help. It’s downright parental neglect in my book.

There are no automatic meds attached to an autism diagnosis like there are with ADHD, so relax and do your research.

You both have to see this as “ruling out” a diagnosis, before moving forward with your lives. And if there is a diagnosis, then obviously your child will be well served with speech therapy, social skills groups, whatever he needs.

Like PP said, your situation is common. Don’t let your husband get in the way of your child’s best chance of progress.

[Anonymous]

OP, my dh is very similar. I tried being nice but that got me nowhere so now I just do what I think best and he has to deal.
We actually just went last week for the consult for the neuropysch-he didn't want to hear me say 'autism screening' but seemed to accept it better from her, the Dr. She seemed to put him at some ease, suprisingly.

[Anonymous]

OP would hitting your DH up with a wall of information be a possibility? This stuff isn't quackery. There exists a (growing) mountain of good research on executive functioning, child development, attention, learning, social cognition, and the brain. Several of the country's leading experts in medicine, psychology and education live in the Baltimore/DC area.

What is your DH stuck on? What are executive functions and how does a child learn them? What are the criteria for a diagnosis? How to tell when to have faith and when to intervene? What is the difference between "can't" and "won't"? You name it, there's a journal article, book, or youtube lecture addressing the question. If he's willing to ask.

[Anonymous]

My kid has other issues but same family dynamic, my DH thought I'm going over board on therapy and just throwing our money down the drain He thought that our kid will just outgrow the issues. He turned around when he started to see the progress. I just had to ignore him and do it anyway. Now he doesn't question my decisions. My mother in law was on my side though. Do you have a family member in his side that can talk to him?

[Anonymous]

If your son has autism getting EI as early as possible is critical.

If your son doesn’t have autism, the EI and screening Won’t cause any harm.

They are not going to force a diagnosis. And getting EI doesn’t negatively affect a kid who turns out to be neurotyoical.

I wouldn’t go into detail with labels if he is going to make you feel more stressed (because you have feelings too you know, shouldering this alone is hard). It’s all part of a process that kids go through if they meet certain criteria, that’s it.

Is he going with you to the appointment? How old is DS and we’re you referred bc he failed the mchat? Is DH even recognizing that he may have a developmenral delay/disability?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should open your mind to meds. Would you deny your child medicine if he had a physical ailment?

Wrong thread?

[Anonymous]

Also, the autism screen IS a developmental screening. So what you planned to say is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You need to be strong, determined, even forceful, OP. You remind me of my best friend who has never persuaded her idiot husband that their clearly dyslexic child needs evaluation and treatment. They are in MCPS which recognizes many disorders but not dyslexia so she’s not getting any help or support at school. At this point it’s painful to watch this bright child struggling without any help. It’s downright parental neglect in my book.

There are no automatic meds attached to an autism diagnosis like there are with ADHD, so relax and do your research.

You both have to see this as “ruling out” a diagnosis, before moving forward with your lives. And if there is a diagnosis, then obviously your child will be well served with speech therapy, social skills groups, whatever he needs.

Like PP said, your situation is common. Don’t let your husband get in the way of your child’s best chance of progress.

But only the husband is the idiot?

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds like he is very afraid of the diagnosis. This sort of thing can be hell on a marriage and bad for your kid. Would he be willing to go to a marriage counselor with you? It sounds like he needs to talk out his fears and understand what a diagnosis means.

[Anonymous]

Sell it as a chance for him to be vindicated. My husband was convinced our DD was just fine. I told him the examination would surely back him up and that we both just had to be honest and let the experts decide. Once they weighed in "on his side" I would be forevermore silent on my "ridiculous" concerns.

We did not even have to wait for a report (this was not autism in our case) -- KKI team told us DD was profoundly (insert diagnosis) at the examination. DH and I both cried but it was a real breakthrough moment and we've operated as a team ever since.

[Anonymous]

Get the boy some help. Let him know about the appointment. You don’t have to remind him but one of the worse things you can do is go behind his back.

[Anonymous]

KKI will not diagnose force an autism diagnosis. My child was evaluated by KKI and determined not to have autism.