Scared to tell DH about KKI autism screening

[Anonymous]

OP- just get the evaluation. We had a neuropsych for our DS years ago because we suspected ASD. The doctor told us it was not ASD- it was ADHD and an expressive/receptive language impairment. We were able to intervene with social skills classes, speech therapy and ADHD accommodations.

He's doing great- we would not have been able to target our interventions if we didn't know exactly what was going on. BTW- language disorders combined with ADHD can look a lot like high functioning ASD in the younger years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- just get the evaluation. We had a neuropsych for our DS years ago because we suspected ASD. The doctor told us it was not ASD- it was ADHD and an expressive/receptive language impairment. We were able to intervene with social skills classes, speech therapy and ADHD accommodations.

He's doing great- we would not have been able to target our interventions if we didn't know exactly what was going on. BTW- language disorders combined with ADHD can look a lot like high functioning ASD in the younger years.

This was our DS, exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- just get the evaluation. We had a neuropsych for our DS years ago because we suspected ASD. The doctor told us it was not ASD- it was ADHD and an expressive/receptive language impairment. We were able to intervene with social skills classes, speech therapy and ADHD accommodations.

He's doing great- we would not have been able to target our interventions if we didn't know exactly what was going on. BTW- language disorders combined with ADHD can look a lot like high functioning ASD in the younger years.

This was our DS, exactly!

ADHD and language impairments (esp. social pragmatics) are no joke in the early years. We were very worried- no idea what was going on. Once we got a correct diagnosis through a lot objective testing, we were able to get him some help. Fast forward to MS and DS has friends, extracurriculars, a few girls who have "liked" him, and a generally happy life. He still struggles in many ways- but he comes across as more quirky/smart to other people.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like we may finally get off the KKI Autism Center waitlist some time in the next few months, and I am petrified to tell DH. He doesn't think there is anything wrong at all with DS and is going to claim that I'm "railroading him with a diagnosis" and that I "just need to have more faith in DS" and will also freak out about how "they're just going to give him medication!!!" (FWIW meds are not on the table in my mind at the moment, and I am equally if not more cautious than DH about meds.)

Hints? I was hoping that the KKI eval would appear more general so I could just say "it's a developmental evaluation" but it says Center for Autism on the paperwork.

Tell him you've done the research and the evaluators in the autism clinic are "the best" and not likely to give a diagnosis of anything unless there is clear evidence. Tell him you know he sees your child differently so you hope he will fill out the paperwork and/or come with you so the evaluators have a full picture of what your child is like. And when you go to the evaluation, be open that you and your husband have different view points. The examiners there can handle it, and it will be easier for them to address your husband's concerns, or lack thereof, if they know how he feels.

Also, there is no medication for autism, so unless your child has significant behavioral issues that are likely to be improved with medication it is unlikely that will be something they recommend off the bat.

I think this is probably the best approach ... I think taking him on my own would be too dramatic, and would be harmful because the doctors would not be able to get DH's view.

I have to MAJORLY swallow my pride and just let DH say whatever ridiculous stuff and personal attacks he's going to make when I tell him. If I react defensively, it will just all go downhill.

The medication I guess would be if there was AHDH in the picture, but I'm not sure that's the issue here. He's got no problem so far functioning in class (with the IEP supports) and his social issues don't appear to be related to impulse control. But, I'm not sure, hence evaluation!

You have a huge attitude problem. Your husband*s opinion counts too.

even when his opinion is that I am going to hurt our child by throwing him to psychiatrists who just want “medicalize difference” to label him and give him extremely harmful medicine? I wish that was an exaggeration.

Also he basically doesn’t believe in autism - he thinks it’s limited to the low IQ non-verbal kids he remembers from childhood.

OP, ignore this poster. Either they haven't read the thread or they think it is OK to verbally abuse their spouse.

I'm sorry your husband is not acting like an adult and partner in this. It's scary enough to have a child you are worried about. But most men won't act this way in front of other grown ups, which is why it is a good reason for him to attend the evaluation so he can practice discussing his fears and disagreements like an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like we may finally get off the KKI Autism Center waitlist some time in the next few months, and I am petrified to tell DH. He doesn't think there is anything wrong at all with DS and is going to claim that I'm "railroading him with a diagnosis" and that I "just need to have more faith in DS" and will also freak out about how "they're just going to give him medication!!!" (FWIW meds are not on the table in my mind at the moment, and I am equally if not more cautious than DH about meds.)

Hints? I was hoping that the KKI eval would appear more general so I could just say "it's a developmental evaluation" but it says Center for Autism on the paperwork.

Tell him you've done the research and the evaluators in the autism clinic are "the best" and not likely to give a diagnosis of anything unless there is clear evidence. Tell him you know he sees your child differently so you hope he will fill out the paperwork and/or come with you so the evaluators have a full picture of what your child is like. And when you go to the evaluation, be open that you and your husband have different view points. The examiners there can handle it, and it will be easier for them to address your husband's concerns, or lack thereof, if they know how he feels.

Also, there is no medication for autism, so unless your child has significant behavioral issues that are likely to be improved with medication it is unlikely that will be something they recommend off the bat.

I think this is probably the best approach ... I think taking him on my own would be too dramatic, and would be harmful because the doctors would not be able to get DH's view.

I have to MAJORLY swallow my pride and just let DH say whatever ridiculous stuff and personal attacks he's going to make when I tell him. If I react defensively, it will just all go downhill.

The medication I guess would be if there was AHDH in the picture, but I'm not sure that's the issue here. He's got no problem so far functioning in class (with the IEP supports) and his social issues don't appear to be related to impulse control. But, I'm not sure, hence evaluation!

You have a huge attitude problem. Your husband*s opinion counts too.

even when his opinion is that I am going to hurt our child by throwing him to psychiatrists who just want “medicalize difference” to label him and give him extremely harmful medicine? I wish that was an exaggeration.

Also he basically doesn’t believe in autism - he thinks it’s limited to the low IQ non-verbal kids he remembers from childhood.

OP, ignore this poster. Either they haven't read the thread or they think it is OK to verbally abuse their spouse.

I'm sorry your husband is not acting like an adult and partner in this. It's scary enough to have a child you are worried about. But most men won't act this way in front of other grown ups, which is why it is a good reason for him to attend the evaluation so he can practice discussing his fears and disagreements like an adult.

He doesn't want to have his child evaluated. His fears are not invalid.