Issue on bus

[Anonymous]

Boy on the bus is harassing my DD. Singling her out for things like "no one likes you", and "I'm smarter than you." We had one incident with this kid last year in class. He routinely misbehaves but nothing violent or excessive. Normal "mischief" from what I've seen.

I don't think his parents would do anything about it, from various observations that are not relevant here.

How would you handle? They are 6th grade, fwiw. So, it's getting the point where intervening with parents or the school may only make things worse. How did you work your child through this sort of thing?

[Anonymous]

Teach her to say "Shut up, Grayson. Anyway Claire, what were you saying about Ms. Humphries?" and continue to ignore him. I mean, who cares what some kid says?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to say "Shut up, Grayson. Anyway Claire, what were you saying about Ms. Humphries?" and continue to ignore him. I mean, who cares what some kid says?

Well, I mean, she's 12. And suffers from some anxiety. So, she does.

[Anonymous]

Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

[Anonymous]

It would be best if she could handle this by herself by ignoring him, or if other kids stuck up for her and criticized him for bothering her. But at our MCPS middle school, that is definitely something a counselor would intervene on, if reported. I’ve seen that happen even for more innocuous things. As to your question whether that would make it worse, I just don’t know, it depends on so many variables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to say "Shut up, Grayson. Anyway Claire, what were you saying about Ms. Humphries?" and continue to ignore him. I mean, who cares what some kid says?

Well, I mean, she's 12. And suffers from some anxiety. So, she does.

Tell her to consider who is putting her down. If a super smart kid is saying she's dumb, maybe she should listen. But if an idiot is saying she's dumb, who gives a crap what a dumb kid thinks of her intellect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to say "Shut up, Grayson. Anyway Claire, what were you saying about Ms. Humphries?" and continue to ignore him. I mean, who cares what some kid says?

Well, I mean, she's 12. And suffers from some anxiety. So, she does.

Tell her to consider who is putting her down. If a super smart kid is saying she's dumb, maybe she should listen. But if an idiot is saying she's dumb, who gives a crap what a dumb kid thinks of her intellect?

Whoa. So super smart kids can be jerks and that’s OK with you?

[Anonymous]

I understand your reluctance to bring it to the school. The reason being potential backlash. Does your child interact with this student elsewhere? I ask because the right to an education does not necessarily extend to the right to take the school bus. If your kid is being mistreated, you can bring it to Althea school and request a suspension from the bus. If it continues an expulsion. I actually think bus bullying is one of the places where it can actually get resolved.

But you need to evaluate this exact situation. Middle school is rough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be best if she could handle this by herself by ignoring him, or if other kids stuck up for her and criticized him for bothering her. But at our MCPS middle school, that is definitely something a counselor would intervene on, if reported. I’ve seen that happen even for more innocuous things. As to your question whether that would make it worse, I just don’t know, it depends on so many variables.

No. Do not answer bullying with bullying. Wrong all around. The other PPs have a valid point - tell the kid to shut up, short and sweet. Or ignore, even better. No matter what the (enter flu of the day here) is, your DC will have to learn that there are these types everywhere, even adults! While they might not resort verbatim to what this kid said, the intent is still the same ("who does s/he THINK s/he IS?!" - or whatever insecure thought is going through the neighborhood bully's head that day). The sooner your DC learns to deal with people like this, on their own, the better. No excuses, OP - those do not help your DC. Give your child the tools that your child needs. This is a teaching moment for you, as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to say "Shut up, Grayson. Anyway Claire, what were you saying about Ms. Humphries?" and continue to ignore him. I mean, who cares what some kid says?

Well, I mean, she's 12. And suffers from some anxiety. So, she does.

Tell her to consider who is putting her down. If a super smart kid is saying she's dumb, maybe she should listen. But if an idiot is saying she's dumb, who gives a crap what a dumb kid thinks of her intellect?

Whoa. So super smart kids can be jerks and that’s OK with you?

DP here. Other PP has a valid point. People with low self esteem (no matter the age!) attack other people. Secure, well adjusted people do not. Better OP's DC learns now.

[Anonymous]

Is she sitting as far forward as she can on the bus? The worst behavior is in the very back of the bus. Usually only the oldest kids are allowed to sit towards the back, this enforced by the oldest ones. The safest, calmest place is as close to the bus driver as possible. Usually right behind the driver is typically where the very youngest sit. Maybe your DD could keep a younger child company and sit up close. Maybe someone has a younger sister and DD and a friend could pretend she needed company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be best if she could handle this by herself by ignoring him, or if other kids stuck up for her and criticized him for bothering her. But at our MCPS middle school, that is definitely something a counselor would intervene on, if reported. I’ve seen that happen even for more innocuous things. As to your question whether that would make it worse, I just don’t know, it depends on so many variables.

No. Do not answer bullying with bullying. Wrong all around. The other PPs have a valid point - tell the kid to shut up, short and sweet. Or ignore, even better. No matter what the (enter flu of the day here) is, your DC will have to learn that there are these types everywhere, even adults! While they might not resort verbatim to what this kid said, the intent is still the same ("who does s/he THINK s/he IS?!" - or whatever insecure thought is going through the neighborhood bully's head that day). The sooner your DC learns to deal with people like this, on their own, the better. No excuses, OP - those do not help your DC. Give your child the tools that your child needs. This is a teaching moment for you, as a parent.

Are you saying that when others witness one person bullying another, the community should stay silent and let the bullying continue? Sure, it's great if one person can handle it by themselves, but if they can't, it's perfectly appropriate for others to try to help. "Johnny, you're not being nice, leave us alone and go sit over there" -- that is not bullying, that is being a supportive community member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to say "Shut up, Grayson. Anyway Claire, what were you saying about Ms. Humphries?" and continue to ignore him. I mean, who cares what some kid says?

Well, I mean, she's 12. And suffers from some anxiety. So, she does.

Tell her to consider who is putting her down. If a super smart kid is saying she's dumb, maybe she should listen. But if an idiot is saying she's dumb, who gives a crap what a dumb kid thinks of her intellect?

Whoa. So super smart kids can be jerks and that’s OK with you?

DP here. Other PP has a valid point. People with low self esteem (no matter the age!) attack other people. Secure, well adjusted people do not. Better OP's DC learns now.

Sorry, but smart kids can be insecure jerks and “idiots” can be nice and secure. The kid being bullied shouldn’t have to try to understand where the bully is coming from. The bully just needs to stop and understanding his feelings of insecurity is not her problem and not her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.