Issue on bus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.

This is not her first time having someone be "mean" to her. Kids experience that all the time. (OP Here).

This kid had been friendly with her until last year when he did something inappropriate. She let him have it (and appropriately so). We had planned to address it further but she asked us not to. He also started hanging around another kid who is major discipline issues. Fast forward to now. We are on the bus. There is nowhere to go. The comments have been seemingly unprovoked. The kid sits by the patrols so they are hearing him. It's not the back of the bus.

So, yes, I am aware of her need to understand how to deal with miserable people. But, she is having a hard time blowing this off. It's hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.

This is not her first time having someone be "mean" to her. Kids experience that all the time. (OP Here).

This kid had been friendly with her until last year when he did something inappropriate. She let him have it (and appropriately so). We had planned to address it further but she asked us not to. He also started hanging around another kid who is major discipline issues. Fast forward to now. We are on the bus. There is nowhere to go. The comments have been seemingly unprovoked. The kid sits by the patrols so they are hearing him. It's not the back of the bus.

So, yes, I am aware of her need to understand how to deal with miserable people. But, she is having a hard time blowing this off. It's hurtful.

Welcome to life. Sorry, this just doesn't sound that big. How will she deal with mean girl behavior? Middle school is brutal.

[Anonymous]

Does your DD have some friends on the bus that would sit with her? Would your DD be comfortable asking her bus friends to stay close to her and help her to ignore the bully kid? I would also role play with her so she is comfortable with her "assertive" voice. Personally. I think it's fine for her to look hm in the eye and say "You are an A-Hole! (because let's face it--he is!). Good luck, this is a tough time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.

This is not her first time having someone be "mean" to her. Kids experience that all the time. (OP Here).

This kid had been friendly with her until last year when he did something inappropriate. She let him have it (and appropriately so). We had planned to address it further but she asked us not to. He also started hanging around another kid who is major discipline issues. Fast forward to now. We are on the bus. There is nowhere to go. The comments have been seemingly unprovoked. The kid sits by the patrols so they are hearing him. It's not the back of the bus.

So, yes, I am aware of her need to understand how to deal with miserable people. But, she is having a hard time blowing this off. It's hurtful.

Welcome to life. Sorry, this just doesn't sound that big. How will she deal with mean girl behavior? Middle school is brutal.

Jesus. I didn't say it was "that big." But, it is bothering her and I came her looking for advice and suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to say "Shut up, Grayson. Anyway Claire, what were you saying about Ms. Humphries?" and continue to ignore him. I mean, who cares what some kid says?

+1 - unless it evolves I wouldn't raise it to the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to say "Shut up, Grayson. Anyway Claire, what were you saying about Ms. Humphries?" and continue to ignore him. I mean, who cares what some kid says?

This is typical clueless adult advice...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.

Ugh this is textbook victim blaming. As the bully goes through life, he will continue to be mean to a lot of people. We have to learn how to deal with them or he will continue to hurt people. He needs to learn how not to embarrass and demean girls. He needs to understand that he is making other people feel miserable and he needs to change his behavior.

Let's teach our kids not to be assholes, not blame tween girls for being targeted by assholes.

[Anonymous]

What she needs to do is retaliate with her own cut-downs that are so cruel, painful, personal, and severe that this punk won't dare to provoke her again.

That's what worked for me in middle school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.

Ugh this is textbook victim blaming. As the bully goes through life, he will continue to be mean to a lot of people. We have to learn how to deal with them or he will continue to hurt people. He needs to learn how not to embarrass and demean girls. He needs to understand that he is making other people feel miserable and he needs to change his behavior.

What the bully "needs" to do is irrelevant. The OP is not in a position to control him, teach him, or make him change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.

This is not her first time having someone be "mean" to her. Kids experience that all the time. (OP Here).

This kid had been friendly with her until last year when he did something inappropriate. She let him have it (and appropriately so). We had planned to address it further but she asked us not to. He also started hanging around another kid who is major discipline issues. Fast forward to now. We are on the bus. There is nowhere to go. The comments have been seemingly unprovoked. The kid sits by the patrols so they are hearing him. It's not the back of the bus.

So, yes, I am aware of her need to understand how to deal with miserable people. But, she is having a hard time blowing this off. It's hurtful.

Have herkivk him where it counts one day. He’ll stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.

This is not her first time having someone be "mean" to her. Kids experience that all the time. (OP Here).

This kid had been friendly with her until last year when he did something inappropriate. She let him have it (and appropriately so). We had planned to address it further but she asked us not to. He also started hanging around another kid who is major discipline issues. Fast forward to now. We are on the bus. There is nowhere to go. The comments have been seemingly unprovoked. The kid sits by the patrols so they are hearing him. It's not the back of the bus.

So, yes, I am aware of her need to understand how to deal with miserable people. But, she is having a hard time blowing this off. It's hurtful.

I’d do something about it. At our middle school bad bus behavior like this is met with serious consequences. I know she doesn’t want you to intervene, but sometimes you exhaust all options and they’re young enough now to still step in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.

This is not her first time having someone be "mean" to her. Kids experience that all the time. (OP Here).

This kid had been friendly with her until last year when he did something inappropriate. She let him have it (and appropriately so). We had planned to address it further but she asked us not to. He also started hanging around another kid who is major discipline issues. Fast forward to now. We are on the bus. There is nowhere to go. The comments have been seemingly unprovoked. The kid sits by the patrols so they are hearing him. It's not the back of the bus.

So, yes, I am aware of her need to understand how to deal with miserable people. But, she is having a hard time blowing this off. It's hurtful.

OP, I'm so sorry this is happening. My dd (7th) is dealing w/ something similar. A boy keeps telling her she's stupid (things like "404 -- brain not found"). He is rude to other kids too but seems moreso to dd. When I contacted the teacher, she put the responsibility on dd to ignore him and said the boy was losing participation points. He doesn't care. When I contacted the counselor and teacher, they made it seem like a 2way problem because dd is now tuned in to this boys insults and distracted by him. She does not provoke this kid. Counselor wanted to take it to "conflict resolution," but no way does dd want this kid to know she complained because she was afraid it would just get worse. So, disappointed w/ school response, it is all back on dd. I've advised her to firstly try to avoid him as much as humanly possible (I know this is not necessarily possible on a bus) and for her to let him know that his comments are hurtful and rude (he thinks he's being witty). Not sure if a direct response would help in your situation. I do know if this happened on my dd's previous bus, I would have been able to talk to the driver, & she would have kept an eye out for it and taken that kid out when she saw it. But, she was a really special caring person who was more like an aunt to the kids. It would really help if someone else spoke out against the behavior the next time it happens. Would your bus driver do that? Could dd ask the patrols privately to say something? Or talk to some friends? My older dd had a bullying issue, & it stopped when dd's friend stood up for her and then the bully's friend contradicted bully. If dd can get someone in her corner, I think that would help.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

This was me in junior school. My mom ended up driving me because it got so bad. They bullied everyone at my stop. No advice. Just good luck. Kids (people) cN be such jerks. I M 50 now Nd still remember.

[Anonymous]

Bobby was my middle school thorn. Boy did he make me unhappy. If she has a group of true friends on the bus I would have her try to literally ignore him. If she does not have that group (Bobby managed to grab my "friends" who were clearly not my friends) for support, I would go to the school and ask for intervention. That is not a perfect solution though as Bobby 2019 will likely know where his counseling/assigned seat/other punishment stemmed from. I would not make it my first choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if she cares about what a known troublemaker says then you need to address ways to make her more resilient.

In the meantime, teach her to roll her eyes at him and say, “Yeah Yeah - whatever boosts your low self esteem. We see right through your comments.”

This is the definition of victim blaming. You're an idiot.

no,this is not victim blaming. As this kid goes through life lots of people will be "mean" to her. She has to learn how to deal with them or she will be a basket case. She needs to learn to remain neutral and either ignore or say a simple, cool, whatever, thanks for letting me know etc. She needs to understand that miserable people like to make those around them feel miserable. It takes time but it is an important skill to develop.

Ugh this is textbook victim blaming. As the bully goes through life, he will continue to be mean to a lot of people. We have to learn how to deal with them or he will continue to hurt people. He needs to learn how not to embarrass and demean girls. He needs to understand that he is making other people feel miserable and he needs to change his behavior.

Let's teach our kids not to be assholes, not blame tween girls for being targeted by assholes.

No it is not. Boys have same issues, even worse. He will not change. He will remain an asshole. The daughter needs to learn he is a loser and move on. I have three kids and the things we have gone through is ridiculous. In the end, i can only teach my kids resilience and teach them to not take these people seriously. Unless there is physical danger, what do you expect to happen? A talking to?