Tired of investing/planning - surrounded by flashy money

[Anonymous]

Ever feel like everyone around you has the trappings - huge new house (not in DC), 100k car etc - so they obviously externally appear successful, while you could afford same/much of the same stuff and don’t buy it so everyone assumes you don’t do well? I know it’s lame and 99% of the time I don’t care - yet I’m from a flashy culture and family where everyone talks about these things so at times it does get to me. As for why I haven’t bought these things - had a goal of $1mil in NW by myself by my mid 30s so in order to get there, I got used to not even looking at such things. It became about investment accounts etc but obviously I can’t show that off or even discuss it the way you can discuss your Maserati. Now that that goal has come and gone, it’s about setting up to retire early and/or leave my high stress profession for a small business when I get to the point where I feel
Like I’ve “made my money.” Again not something I can discuss bc I don’t want people going on about - but why would you retire early? And yet sometimes I’m tired of everyone acting like DH and I couldn’t possibly be in their echelon. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

This wouldn't bother me at all because I don't want a huge house or a fancy car. Most of my friends and neighbors DO make more than DH and I do, because we bought 15 years ago in a neighborhood that has since gotten much hipper and more expensive. I do wish we had more money to take our kids abroad on vacations or to be able to buy myself new clothes without stressing. But in your shoes, I'd definitely derive more pleasure from knowing I was financially secure than from owning a Maserati. I mean, could I even fit our family of 4 in a Maserati? Just not my life or my interests.

[Anonymous]

I am allergic to New Money folk, so I avoid them. I'm sorry you have some in your (close?) family. If I were you, I would tell them that you do not value these material goods to the level they do.

[Anonymous]

You live by your standards OP. Nothing else. What cultural background?

[Anonymous]

In my 30s, I felt like you - like why am I doing this. Honestly I liked/still like nice things sometimes denying yourself gets old - even more so when you’re surrounded by people bragging about things. My views shifted a bit in my 40s and a lot in my 50s and I am thankful for the investments my 37 year old self made. Reason being — I know people who were always jetting around, multiple homes etc. Many of them are age 70+ and still working a ton and tell me they’re tired of it (different to work if you want to). The option of downshifting later becomes priceless - and if you don’t ever want to downshift, well it’s not like you can’t get a fancy home or car in your 40s or 50s - giving yourself options is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am allergic to New Money folk, so I avoid them. I'm sorry you have some in your (close?) family. If I were you, I would tell them that you do not value these material goods to the level they do.

Very Well Said.

[Anonymous]

My family is the worst at this. Everyone calls me and my husband cheap, makes fun of us. None of my cousins have any hobbies or outside interests other than shopping, and they have really intense jobs so that they can buy whatever they want. DH and I have relatively relaxed government jobs that don't pay well but we really try to enjoy our lives and do the things we like (not shopping!) and be happy. Honestly, I just don't bother with my family or with any people who make me feel bad. Life is too short!

[Anonymous]

Stick to your plan OP. DH and I grew up without luxuries so maybe that made it a little easier for us to save save save. But now approaching 50, words cannot describe the freedom of choices we have. We’re still not big spenders, but we can do just about anything we want from out-of-network medical specialists, occasional suite to see DS’s beloved Caps, private schools where indicated, vacations where and when we want, generous gifts to people and charities that matter to us, etc.

[Anonymous]

Not only are they wasting their money, they will have to REPLACE their trendy items. Not due to needing something new but bc he trend will shift.

Stick with classic, practical, long lasting. If you splurge, you won’t feel so bad knowing it will last longer and won’t be subject to change in trends.

Dumb example but one of our couple friends seemingly decided to “upgrade” EVERYTHING this year. I liked them better when they were down to earth. But I noticed many of their choices are short sighted. Trendy target furniture. Splashy car. New construction house but a bad location for their needs. All new trendy clothes and hair styles (that need a lot of replacement and upkeep). I’m happy for their new house, totally. However, the furnishings and everything else seems to be adding up and will look dated next year.

[Anonymous]

We have a net worth of 3 million. I drive a 6 year old minivan, wear a purse bought at DSW, and still sport the tiny diamond ring my husband proposed with back when we were students. We do have a nice house, take nice vacations, and send our kids to private school. These are things that are priorities for us. I really could care less what others think.

Only insecure people feel the need to flash their money.

[Anonymous]

It does get to be a slog. I'm guessing your late 30s/early 40s? But keep recognizing that you are giving yourself options for later -- at 45 or 50 you could go flashy if you wanted; cut way back on work if you wanted etc.

And if you want to talk about something (though it doesn't sound like you do), you CAN brag about stocks and investments when people start talking about their Maserati. When dealing with a flashy family sometimes just saying one time how you've made a killing on x investment -- said strategically in front of the nosy aunts who will then spread it around -- does shut them up as they suddenly realize that maybe you aren't much less well off than them and that your 2 bedroom condo and Honda don't mean that you're struggling.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids? I found that I cared a lot less about what other people thought or implied once I had kids.

It is very rude for someone to imply that you don't have as much money as they do for any reason. You should tell them to stop being rude. Or just say, "Yeah, a maserati would be wasted on me. A car to me is just a depreciating asset that gets me from point A to point B. I am much happier seeing my money stay in my investment accounts."

[Anonymous]

Trust me you are playing the long game and it is so so so so SO worth it when you hit 50+. Freedom from financial worry is even sweeter at older ages (not sayin’ I’m old, but...I’m far older than you). Also having more financial freedom is really nice once you have kids as a pp mentioned.

You are human so normal to compare. Personally, I enjoy an internal chuckle when people think we are poor (or poorer). I find tho, that people with real money tend to reserve judgement or assume we might actually be doing pretty well as they better understand various incomes and such and don’t judge based on homes (that are often poorly maintained) and handbags - if that makes you feel any better.

You will not regret your savings and associated freedom in your 50’s and beyond.

[Anonymous]

You can laugh at them when you retire at 55 (or whenever you want) and they are still working until they are 75.

[Anonymous]

Yup, keep doing what you're doing. I wish I had the inclination to save, save, save in my 20's/30's. Hitting 40 and playing catch-up sucks.