Tired of investing/planning - surrounded by flashy money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be thrilled when you are not late 40s or early 50s and shitting your pants about how you will pay your big mortgage on the big impressive house once you get reorg'd out of your job or you decide you just can't take the daily grind anymore and want to consult. Seriously. Peace of mind is worth it.

I’m planning for retirement in our 50s because that is when you can get screwed. I really don’t get my acquaintances in their 40s who don’t realize they may be at peak earnings.

But I’m also in favor of balance. Get a nice CPO car.

[Anonymous]

I can understand this OP. My biggest issue is the house we live in. My husband says being able to be mortgage free at 45 and pay cash for a house is worth being cramped in our ugly small split level for the next 10 years.

Meanwhile, I see everyone in my inner circles moving into bigger/nicer homes 550k+ (Yes I said 550k, DCUM, there are nice looking homes for under 1 mil especially compared to what I’m currently in).

We can do renovations, but nothing to change the actual space or structure/aesthetic of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids OP? The point when kids start applying and attending college is often when the "spenders" start to quiet down. It is heartbreaking to tell your kid that despite their hard work and high grades earned that you just can not afford the school they proudly gained admission to and so desperately want to attend. To give your child an education without their having to be anchored to repaying loans over the next 15-20 years (or longer) is a true gift. A git that will literally last a lifetime. From what I am noticing now with peers, that is when you see who has money, who saved and who did not.

This is sadly common. I know a handful of friends' kids who had to turn down first choice colleges or sign for tons of loans and it was always sad because the kids never really understood why there wasn't cash on hand if they lived so well. It's like, kiddo, your college money went toward your dad's luxury cars, your mom's fab 100k reno on an already fab house, and a ton of really awesome vacations. I also know more than a few families who counted on grandparent funding that never came....either the money ran out due to assisted living, the grandfather remarried and the new wife wasn't having it, or the grandparents never anticipated college costs being what that are and their savings were not as much as had been promised. Sucks all around.

[Anonymous]

I'm always of the opinion that if my relatives and friends aren't funding my lifestyle, they aren't allowed to say shit.

Everyone family gathering with my relatives is the same - a bunch of people flaunting their latest acquisitions. I've been labeled the "poorest" in the family for so long that I'm thankfully left out of those dick measuring contests. Little did they know we have more than enough money to do anything that they are doing (beach house, $100k Range Rover, private school tution, etc.), we just don't care to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be thrilled when you are not late 40s or early 50s and shitting your pants about how you will pay your big mortgage on the big impressive house once you get reorg'd out of your job or you decide you just can't take the daily grind anymore and want to consult. Seriously. Peace of mind is worth it.

I’m planning for retirement in our 50s because that is when you can get screwed. I really don’t get my acquaintances in their 40s who don’t realize they may be at peak earnings.

But I’m also in favor of balance. Get a nice CPO car.

THIS. Maybe it’s just my experience but I grew up around tons of engineers in the 80s-2000s btwn parents and parents’ social circle and I saw tons of them get laid off anywhere from age 50-65, never to be gainfully employed in the same high salary from which they had been laid off. Made a huge impression on me even in my late teens/early 20s that you have to start saving young (in every field except like medicine where there is constant demand and experience is valued) because you just never know if the salary you make at 35 or 47 will be where you top out. Yet many of my friends seem to view it as — nah we’re mid to late 30s, we’re just getting started, live large now bc you can always focus on saving more out of a larger salary in your mid 40s or 50s. I just assume they didn’t grow up someplace where white collar professional layoffs were nightly dinner conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids OP? The point when kids start applying and attending college is often when the "spenders" start to quiet down. It is heartbreaking to tell your kid that despite their hard work and high grades earned that you just can not afford the school they proudly gained admission to and so desperately want to attend. To give your child an education without their having to be anchored to repaying loans over the next 15-20 years (or longer) is a true gift. A git that will literally last a lifetime. From what I am noticing now with peers, that is when you see who has money, who saved and who did not.

This is sadly common. I know a handful of friends' kids who had to turn down first choice colleges or sign for tons of loans and it was always sad because the kids never really understood why there wasn't cash on hand if they lived so well. It's like, kiddo, your college money went toward your dad's luxury cars, your mom's fab 100k reno on an already fab house, and a ton of really awesome vacations. I also know more than a few families who counted on grandparent funding that never came....either the money ran out due to assisted living, the grandfather remarried and the new wife wasn't having it, or the grandparents never anticipated college costs being what that are and their savings were not as much as had been promised. Sucks all around.

I wonder how many this will happen to. I know quite a few friends who are counting on this and k-12 as well. K-12 is at least 520k per child and college is in today’s dollars around $200k on the low side. So that’s $750k approx per grandchild. Factor in capital gains and other taxes that’s a lot of money. Many of these grandparents have multiple grandkids. I would think you’d need extreme network to pay the education for four grandkids. I’m talking a 25-50 million estate. Given these families have mortgages (why wasn’t the house paid in full from the grandparents?) I’d be hesitant to think they are going to pay for college and k-12 in full.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be thrilled when you are not late 40s or early 50s and shitting your pants about how you will pay your big mortgage on the big impressive house once you get reorg'd out of your job or you decide you just can't take the daily grind anymore and want to consult. Seriously. Peace of mind is worth it.

I’m planning for retirement in our 50s because that is when you can get screwed. I really don’t get my acquaintances in their 40s who don’t realize they may be at peak earnings.

But I’m also in favor of balance. Get a nice CPO car.

THIS. Maybe it’s just my experience but I grew up around tons of engineers in the 80s-2000s btwn parents and parents’ social circle and I saw tons of them get laid off anywhere from age 50-65, never to be gainfully employed in the same high salary from which they had been laid off. Made a huge impression on me even in my late teens/early 20s that you have to start saving young (in every field except like medicine where there is constant demand and experience is valued) because you just never know if the salary you make at 35 or 47 will be where you top out. Yet many of my friends seem to view it as — nah we’re mid to late 30s, we’re just getting started, live large now bc you can always focus on saving more out of a larger salary in your mid 40s or 50s. I just assume they didn’t grow up someplace where white collar professional layoffs were nightly dinner conversation.

This this this.

We are 41&43 and are very aware we are in peak earning years and we are maximizing this opportunity. We've watch both our parents get marginalized in the workforce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be thrilled when you are not late 40s or early 50s and shitting your pants about how you will pay your big mortgage on the big impressive house once you get reorg'd out of your job or you decide you just can't take the daily grind anymore and want to consult. Seriously. Peace of mind is worth it.

I’m planning for retirement in our 50s because that is when you can get screwed. I really don’t get my acquaintances in their 40s who don’t realize they may be at peak earnings.

But I’m also in favor of balance. Get a nice CPO car.

THIS. Maybe it’s just my experience but I grew up around tons of engineers in the 80s-2000s btwn parents and parents’ social circle and I saw tons of them get laid off anywhere from age 50-65, never to be gainfully employed in the same high salary from which they had been laid off. Made a huge impression on me even in my late teens/early 20s that you have to start saving young (in every field except like medicine where there is constant demand and experience is valued) because you just never know if the salary you make at 35 or 47 will be where you top out. Yet many of my friends seem to view it as — nah we’re mid to late 30s, we’re just getting started, live large now bc you can always focus on saving more out of a larger salary in your mid 40s or 50s. I just assume they didn’t grow up someplace where white collar professional layoffs were nightly dinner conversation.

This this this.

We are 41&43 and are very aware we are in peak earning years and we are maximizing this opportunity. We've watch both our parents get marginalized in the workforce

+1. At 49, I see a lot of friends and colleagues pushed out of their high paying jobs with tough road to re-entry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spent many years saving, investing and planning so we could put our kids through college with no debt, build up retirement savings, pay off our mortgage etc. We lived comfortably but not the way we could have. But now we are retired and even after setting aside a lot of money for our kids (once we are gone) and grandkids via 529's and a charitable trust we still have more money then we could spend unless we got "flashy" which just isn't in our DNA. We live well and travel well but neither of us has a desire to make some kind of statement. I drive a 5 year old Subaru and my DH drives a used car. He could afford a Ferrari or a Bentley but doesn't need it.

Save, invest and plan and don't worry about flashy money. Many who have it don't have it if there is a recession or a job loss.

I could have Jeff Beszos but don't need the extra $$....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids OP? The point when kids start applying and attending college is often when the "spenders" start to quiet down. It is heartbreaking to tell your kid that despite their hard work and high grades earned that you just can not afford the school they proudly gained admission to and so desperately want to attend. To give your child an education without their having to be anchored to repaying loans over the next 15-20 years (or longer) is a true gift. A git that will literally last a lifetime. From what I am noticing now with peers, that is when you see who has money, who saved and who did not.

This is sadly common. I know a handful of friends' kids who had to turn down first choice colleges or sign for tons of loans and it was always sad because the kids never really understood why there wasn't cash on hand if they lived so well. It's like, kiddo, your college money went toward your dad's luxury cars, your mom's fab 100k reno on an already fab house, and a ton of really awesome vacations. I also know more than a few families who counted on grandparent funding that never came....either the money ran out due to assisted living, the grandfather remarried and the new wife wasn't having it, or the grandparents never anticipated college costs being what that are and their savings were not as much as had been promised. Sucks all around.

I wonder how many this will happen to. I know quite a few friends who are counting on this and k-12 as well. K-12 is at least 520k per child and college is in today’s dollars around $200k on the low side. So that’s $750k approx per grandchild. Factor in capital gains and other taxes that’s a lot of money. Many of these grandparents have multiple grandkids. I would think you’d need extreme network to pay the education for four grandkids. I’m talking a 25-50 million estate. Given these families have mortgages (why wasn’t the house paid in full from the grandparents?) I’d be hesitant to think they are going to pay for college and k-12 in full.

LOL this post is insane.

[Anonymous]

NP - why is pps post insane? The numbers are correct. Four grandkids at $750k each is $3mill. If you had $10ml in investable assets, $3mill is a lot to take out of that. Yes they are prob paying with runoff as they go but if all grandkids are in college at the same time it could get complicated with taxes.

I’ve absolutely seen the finances of older retirees change due to so many different circumstances mostly due to what pp described.

I wold never count 100% on money from grandparents - it may be a fraction of what is expected. I’ve known retired people with many millions declare bankruptcy - got caught in a downturn etc. these were well-educated executives. People are people and they misjudge, make mistakes, are too arrogant to seek professional guidance. It happens.