Still crying at age 11?

[Anonymous]

My DD cries a lot over things that upset her. For example, just now, device time was ending and she was starting to unload the dishwasher. When I called up to her younger brother to get off his device, he asked if he could finish his game and I said OK. This provoked tears and sniffling in DD, who told me I was being unfair. She reacts this way to a lot of our parenting requests. Some reactions are more dramatic than others and are borderline tantrums. She's been like this for years, and I guess we assumed that she would outgrow it, but that does not seem to be happening. SO my question is whether this is normal behavior for an 11 year old, and if not, what should we do about it?

[Anonymous]

I think its in the range of normal. One of my two kids would have had similar episodes at 11. He has better emotional control now at 13 but it is still not perfect. But now any over reactions are almost always linked to being over tired or over hungry. I’d try active listening to diffuse her intense feelings “I can see it really bothers you that your brother got extra time when you complied with the rules right away.” Just help her express herself in words so the feelings don’t get so intense that they come out through tears. Nothing wrong with felling wronged. We all feel wronged sometime. Maybe tell her what you do when you feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she’s upset that winter break is ending. Or she could have PMS. No, I don’t think it’s normal, but I also don’t think it’s serious. She will outgrow it.

[Anonymous]

You are being unfair. She is unloading the dishwasher and her brother is playing video games. How would you like her to express her frustration or anger or sadness? Mine is in high school and still cries when she is upset. Not as much as when she was 11 or 12, but definitely still does.

[Anonymous]

Some kids cry - its normal.

[Anonymous]

Some kids cry - its normal.

[Anonymous]

OMG! Give her a hug.

[Anonymous]

My 11 year old DD is still crying. It has gotten better but she still cries when she is disappointed, angry, sad. She cried at school frequently until this year (middle school). I'm hoping it continues to improve.

[Anonymous]

My 11 yo DS still cries, mostly when he is tired. It definitely happens less than it used to. I think it’s normal and I expect him to grow out of it.

[Anonymous]

Humans cry. It’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD cries a lot over things that upset her. For example, just now, device time was ending and she was starting to unload the dishwasher. When I called up to her younger brother to get off his device, he asked if he could finish his game and I said OK. This provoked tears and sniffling in DD, who told me I was being unfair. She reacts this way to a lot of our parenting requests. Some reactions are more dramatic than others and are borderline tantrums. She's been like this for years, and I guess we assumed that she would outgrow it, but that does not seem to be happening. SO my question is whether this is normal behavior for an 11 year old, and if not, what should we do about it?

This is going to sound basic but I mean it kindly … if you want to change the output then first you need to change the input.

As I'm sure you've seen so far as a parent, your children's behaviors really are precipitated by what they see/hear/feel from their parents. If you want to change their behaviors then you change yours first. So think about your interactions with your daughter prior to the tears and consider how a different tone/verbiage/timing/etc could change the outcome.

And, yes, some people (not just kids) are more emotive in general. It sounds like your daughter may be in that category. But if it is starting to get in her way of being healthy and productive, then perhaps you can help her change her habits of behavior by doing a little modification yourself first. I'm not trying to put a huge burden on you; however, there is a habit of behavior in your daughter that is correlated to some external factor. You can control one of those external factors. Working with her on this may help her develop a new response to stimuli and once that new response becomes internalized she will apply it to a variety of life situations.

Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

The teenage years can be very emotional. This may last a lot longer. Hormonal swings definitely don’t help. Just be there for her with lots of love for however long it takes.

[Anonymous]

Does she tend to do what she’s told whereas her brother is able to push the rules?

[Anonymous]

I think this is where we're headed with DD. DS is preternaturally calm and always has been, so the emotional genes were not distributed equally!

It's all in the range of normal, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she tend to do what she’s told whereas her brother is able to push the rules?

Crying may be much easier to deal with than DD having a temper tantrum and anger because she's doing what she is told to do and her brother is getting a pass.