Has verbal abuse from a parent damaged you long term?

[Anonymous]

I feel very insecure. I have low self esteem and confidence. I was exposed to verbal abuse from my dad on a daily basis for a very long time.

I seem withdrawn and find it hard to enter relationships, because I feel so insecure and a loser. Is anyone in the same boat? Counseling is not an option right now

[Anonymous]

No

It’s time to own your life and stop blaming people.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I’ve been in therapy for years. My self-esteem is terrible.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. It can be soul crushing to be on the receiving end of it from a parent.

I'd turn this on your dad. What kind of person was he? Why do you think he was picking on you? Was he insecure, hot tempered, a bully? Does he do this to anyone else, or only people who're more vulnerable than himself?

This is a reflection of your dad's defect as a human being and a parent. It has no bearing on you and your true worth. It takes time to learn to disassociate your self image from what your parent imposed on you, but learn you must. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I achieved a lot, but I know if I didn't have issues related to childhood abuse I would have achieved even more in life. I have a persistent feeling of being not worthy of any recognition for anything.

[Anonymous]

Yes, therapy has helped.

If you can't afford therapy right now, or don't have the leave, there is a c-ptsd group on Reddit that is pretty active where you can share with others.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but therapy helped immensely. I really believed I was selfish and incompetent until I became a mother myself. Then, I started to question some things because I knew I reacted to my own children in similar situations with love and patience and humor. So I figured out I wasn’t selfish. Then I began questioning the incompetent part. That’s when I started looking at the verbal abuse in therapy (I was already in therapy for CSA).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I achieved a lot, but I know if I didn't have issues related to childhood abuse I would have achieved even more in life. I have a persistent feeling of being not worthy of any recognition for anything.

Same, and my personal life would be wildly different.

[Anonymous]

Damaged me? No, I don’t think so. It has damaged my relationship with the abuser (my mom). R/raisedbynarcissists and therapy helped.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the right therapist has helped. Until you can start counselling, there are some great books that helped me. John Bradshaw's books were life changing for me "Healing the Shame that Binds You" and "Homecoming:Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child"

Mine was physical abuse as well, but the horrible words and emotions from my 'dad' did change who I could have been. It's not blaming - it's reality. There were support groups that helped as well.

[Anonymous]

I don’t like to think of myself as damaged. I’m more of a work in progress, but I’m whole and I’m a good person.

The thing that I find most difficult, along with most of what everyone else has said, is that I do t have a good sense of what is normal. For instance, when i was a kid, if I were late, my mom might refuse to take me anywhere besides school for a week. I know that’s wrong, and I find I’m inclined to do the opposite and coddle or micromanage my kids so they’re not late. I get that what I’m doing isn’t best either. It’s really hard to find that happy medium. Or my parents were always fighting, yelling, threatening to leave each other. I’m extremely conflict avoidant because of that. I tend to bottle things up and then run away from problems when they get out of control rather than face them when they’re manageable.

Therapy has helped. I’m much better about handling my issues now that I realize what I was doing before wasn’t healthy. Sometimes I get stuck and I don’t know what a normal, healthy person would do or how they’d react, so I run things past DH or my therapist and try to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Sure.

I def get defensive at the first sign of someone yelling or getting angry or giving criticism.

I also yell more than I like. And I have to actively stop myself from turn the knife a bit when in an argument.

I'm not perfect at any of these. But, I'm conscious of it and try hard. And am millions of times better than my father was. And when I make a mistake, I try to apologize.

[Anonymous]

I don't recommend it, but the verbal and emotional abuse from my parents made me stronger. They would literally say you're so stupid and I would fight it internally, and it made me realize I was smart. Things like that. I ended up growing up and moving far away from them, with a great career and family of my own. And later I had so much therapy to make sure I wouldn't do they too my kids. When you're dealt terrible parents OP, maybe see that as an opportunity to parent yourself and give yourself the love and support they never gave you. Hugs and positive energy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel very insecure. I have low self esteem and confidence. I was exposed to verbal abuse from my dad on a daily basis for a very long time.

I seem withdrawn and find it hard to enter relationships, because I feel so insecure and a loser. Is anyone in the same boat? Counseling is not an option right now

Yes. I feel much the same, except the abuser was my mom. Her abuse left a life-long legacy of toxic shame.

But I found that therapy helped. Firstly, it helped me recognize that my mom was abusive. This may be hard for many to understand, but for a long time I actually thought her relentless abuse was "good parenting". Thank God I got out of that mental framework before I had my own kids! Secondly, therapy (specifically CBT) gave me some good coping strategies.

Narcissists suck.

[Anonymous]

Hell, yes. It's taken a lot of time to overcome. I didn't so much feel inferior/inadequate in academic/work areas but I felt horrible unattractive physically. I really have a warped sense of my physical self. I'm not gorgeous or anything, it just took me a long time to realize that someone could find me attractive and love me. I got a lot of positive reinforcement in school and looked to school as an escape. The harder I worked, the more 'rewards' which is also reflected in my professional life. My personal life, though, it took me a long time to let my guard down to let people really know me. I missed out on a number of romantic opportunities because I was very self-defeating.

But, moving away from my home environment was a big step on the road to recovery. I met a lot of great people in my job, especially women who had never married - I couldn't understand why some of them didn't have partners. It took me a while to realize most people have issues and that even as damaged as I felt, I was a good friend and could have good friends. My life got so much richer after that. It was through friends that I met my DH.