How would you respond to this email?

[Anonymous]

It could be a sentimental toy. I'd just give it back in exchange for the other toy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Received an email from the parent of one of DS’ friends. The two kids each brought a toy to school and proceeded to trade. The mother of DS’ friend is irritated that the kids traded and wants her son’s toy back. In her email she accused my son of taking her son’s toy without actually trading something for it (untrue according to my son). She also emphasized how special her son’s toy is and that trading should not happen again in the future.

I’m irked at this email. We do not encourage toy trading (or bringing toys to school for that matter but apparently DS has been sneaking things in his pockets and/or backpack). DS knows that if he loses a toy or gives it away that it is likely gone and will not be replaced. If he chooses to give it away that is his decision. The teacher has also emphasized that things you care about (aside from your child ) should not be sent to school because they could be lost or damaged.

I need some unbiased feedback here. I have to see this mom occasionally and would like to remain friendly with her but her email was accusatory and made it sound like she thinks my kid stole her kid’s toy and that’s i need to somehow police what’s happening at school. I’m irritated.

The mom is a jerk. Kids do this. I'd address it but would not let the accusation go unaddressed.

But, I'd respond with something like:
" Jane- my understanding is that the kids traded toys. Larlo said that he gave Larloo XXX toy. So, I don't really appreciate the accusation that Larlo took Larloo's toy.

If you would like XXX toy back, that's totally fine. I'll send it to school or drop it of on (XX) day and if you would please do the same with Larlo's toy, that would be great. I think we should probably speak to the kids about not trading toys in the future. Thanks."

The caveat to the above is you should make sure it was a trade or that the toy was GIVEN (and not taken) the friend. As I said, kids do this. Mine has traded all sorts of things with friends. The mom grossly overreacted.

Almost there, but still too confrontational. Crazy mom will certainly see this as an affront to her snowflake. Just go with:

"Jane- my understanding is that the kids traded toys. Larlo said that he gave Larloo XXX toy. We'll send Larlo to school with YYY and they can trade back again tomorrow."

[Anonymous]

Some people come across too fierce in email. We all have that person at work who is great if you talk to them face-to-face about an issue but who overwrites emails, blowing up an issue in ways she wouldn't in a conversation I'd assume this is the case here and respond as is she had addressed it appropriately: No problem! Will send toy back with larlo so they can trade tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simply write, "He will return the toy tomorrow." Don't explain, don't apologize. Then avoid this mom afterward. She is clearly a drama queen.

And absolutely ask her to return your sons toy too!

“Okay, he will return the toy tomorrow. Please make sure that Larlo also brings DS’ toy. We can talk to the kids about not trading toys in the future.”

+100000

(But make sure your DS really did trade.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But, I'd respond with something like:
" Jane- my understanding is that the kids traded toys. Larlo said that he gave Larloo XXX toy. So, I don't really appreciate the accusation that Larlo took Larloo's toy.

If you would like XXX toy back, that's totally fine. I'll send it to school or drop it of on (XX) day and if you would please do the same with Larlo's toy, that would be great. I think we should probably speak to the kids about not trading toys in the future. Thanks."

You should definitely do all this, but probably arrange for the transfer to take place at the local police station just to make sure everything is on the up and up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simply write, "He will return the toy tomorrow." Don't explain, don't apologize. Then avoid this mom afterward. She is clearly a drama queen.

And absolutely ask her to return your sons toy too!

“Okay, he will return the toy tomorrow. Please make sure that Larlo also brings DS’ toy. We can talk to the kids about not trading toys in the future.”

+100000

(But make sure your DS really did trade.)

[Anonymous]

Ms. X,

I'm sorry. I was unaware the boys had traded toys. Larlo will bring the toy back to school tomorrow to return.

Ms. Y

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Received an email from the parent of one of DS’ friends. The two kids each brought a toy to school and proceeded to trade. The mother of DS’ friend is irritated that the kids traded and wants her son’s toy back. In her email she accused my son of taking her son’s toy without actually trading something for it (untrue according to my son). She also emphasized how special her son’s toy is and that trading should not happen again in the future.

I’m irked at this email. We do not encourage toy trading (or bringing toys to school for that matter but apparently DS has been sneaking things in his pockets and/or backpack). DS knows that if he loses a toy or gives it away that it is likely gone and will not be replaced. If he chooses to give it away that is his decision. The teacher has also emphasized that things you care about (aside from your child ) should not be sent to school because they could be lost or damaged.

I need some unbiased feedback here. I have to see this mom occasionally and would like to remain friendly with her but her email was accusatory and made it sound like she thinks my kid stole her kid’s toy and that’s i need to somehow police what’s happening at school. I’m irritated.

The mom is a jerk. Kids do this. I'd address it but would not let the accusation go unaddressed.

But, I'd respond with something like:
" Jane- my understanding is that the kids traded toys. Larlo said that he gave Larloo XXX toy. So, I don't really appreciate the accusation that Larlo took Larloo's toy.

If you would like XXX toy back, that's totally fine. I'll send it to school or drop it of on (XX) day and if you would please do the same with Larlo's toy, that would be great. I think we should probably speak to the kids about not trading toys in the future. Thanks."

The caveat to the above is you should make sure it was a trade or that the toy was GIVEN (and not taken) the friend. As I said, kids do this. Mine has traded all sorts of things with friends. The mom grossly overreacted.

Almost there, but still too confrontational. Crazy mom will certainly see this as an affront to her snowflake. Just go with:

"Jane- my understanding is that the kids traded toys. Larlo said that he gave Larloo XXX toy. We'll send Larlo to school with YYY and they can trade back again tomorrow."

I guess it's up to OP as to how confrontational she is ok with. I would not hesitate to send the "confrontational" email. She is basically accusing OPs kid of stealing. Not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it's up to OP as to how confrontational she is ok with. I would not hesitate to send the "confrontational" email. She is basically accusing OPs kid of stealing. Not ok.

I don't send confrontational messages to people like that. Engaging a crazy person is never productive. You just start a crazy war and your children get stuck in between.

Just send the toy back with as little communication as possible. There are about a half dozen good minimal responses to send that basically say "Didn't know about it. Toy is coming back." Why would you want to engage a person like that? She's obviously the type that won't let things go if you give her anything to fight about. Unless you want this to become a major drama, just drop it.

[Anonymous]

“Okay, he will return the toy tomorrow. Please make sure that Larlo also brings DS’ toy. We can talk to the kids about not trading toys in the future.”

This is perfect - matter of fact, non-accusatory, and clear what you expect in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Received an email from the parent of one of DS’ friends. The two kids each brought a toy to school and proceeded to trade. The mother of DS’ friend is irritated that the kids traded and wants her son’s toy back. In her email she accused my son of taking her son’s toy without actually trading something for it (untrue according to my son). She also emphasized how special her son’s toy is and that trading should not happen again in the future.

I’m irked at this email. We do not encourage toy trading (or bringing toys to school for that matter but apparently DS has been sneaking things in his pockets and/or backpack). DS knows that if he loses a toy or gives it away that it is likely gone and will not be replaced. If he chooses to give it away that is his decision. The teacher has also emphasized that things you care about (aside from your child ) should not be sent to school because they could be lost or damaged.

I need some unbiased feedback here. I have to see this mom occasionally and would like to remain friendly with her but her email was accusatory and made it sound like she thinks my kid stole her kid’s toy and that’s i need to somehow police what’s happening at school. I’m irritated.

You say the mom is irritated that the kids traded, but then you say she accused your son of not actually trading something. Then you say the mom emphasized the trading should not happen again in the future.

Is the mom contradicting herself, or are you paraphrasing?

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with the posters who say don't make this confrontational. Just say you were not aware of the trade and will send the toy back and ask for your son's toy back.

My DC (in K) also had a trade with another child - mine gave a toy (one that DC received just 2 days before) for a piece of paper that the other child gave. The other child was the one who encouraged the trade and my child thought it was just for a day and decided to share. Next day they exchanged the paper and toy back to their respective owners..Few days later same trade happened. My child thought they would again swap back the following day but the other child didn't bring the toy back and said it was at a friends house. Went on for a week and my child was getting upset. I finally asked the teacher if she could ask the child to bring it back. Teacher spoke to the 2 of them and said that the other child thought it was theirs now since it was a trade. It never came back and my child stopped talking to the other child for some time. But missed being friends with the other child. I then encouraged my child to let it go. They are friends again now lol..But we had a talk about not taking anything that was important to school.

I did not send an email to the other parent for the exact same reason you describe, and asked the teacher to find out what happened instead. An email come across as accusatory even if you don't mean it. Be wise in choosing your words when emailing back. You don't want your child losing a friend over a toy. Maybe the other child thought it was fun at first but changed his mind now.

[Anonymous]

Since your son broke your rule, I'd make him give back the friend's toy AND let the friend keep the traded toy. Your son loses out as a lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Thanks for letting me know. They can trade back tomorrow (I think Larlo traded his x for larloo’s y.”)

This, plus "I'll remind Larlo that he's not supposed to trade toys at school, and I'll tell him that you're reminding Larloo of the same thing. Happy holidays!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with the posters who say don't make this confrontational. Just say you were not aware of the trade and will send the toy back and ask for your son's toy back.

My DC (in K) also had a trade with another child - mine gave a toy (one that DC received just 2 days before) for a piece of paper that the other child gave. The other child was the one who encouraged the trade and my child thought it was just for a day and decided to share. Next day they exchanged the paper and toy back to their respective owners..Few days later same trade happened. My child thought they would again swap back the following day but the other child didn't bring the toy back and said it was at a friends house. Went on for a week and my child was getting upset. I finally asked the teacher if she could ask the child to bring it back. Teacher spoke to the 2 of them and said that the other child thought it was theirs now since it was a trade. It never came back and my child stopped talking to the other child for some time. But missed being friends with the other child. I then encouraged my child to let it go. They are friends again now lol..But we had a talk about not taking anything that was important to school.

I did not send an email to the other parent for the exact same reason you describe, and asked the teacher to find out what happened instead. An email come across as accusatory even if you don't mean it. Be wise in choosing your words when emailing back. You don't want your child losing a friend over a toy. Maybe the other child thought it was fun at first but changed his mind now.

You're the worst. The teacher is not your personal problem solver to handle issues that you're too lazy to deal with. Do you also ask others to handle your personal issues for you in other facets of your life, or just parenting?

Here's the email you could have sent instead:

Hey Mrs. X,

I think the kids had a little mix up with toys they traded with each other. Apparently my kid Larlo didn't clearly communicate that the trade was supposed to be temporary and he is really missing his Widget! Can you please send it back to school tomorrow and I'll have Larlo bring Gadget as well so they can trade back? Next time he'll be sure to be more clear about the terms of the trade .

Thanks and have a wonderful winter break!

Mrs. Y


So hard, right?