How would you respond to this email?

[Anonymous]

Schools/classroom teachers have rules against this. The transaction shouldn't have happened ... despite any other particular details.

[Anonymous]

You need to address the bizarre accusatory nature of the email in your response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to address the bizarre accusatory nature of the email in your response.

You know, I had a recent bizarre accusatory email sent to me by a neighbor I don’t even know. He found me on Facebook and sent me a rude email accusing me of something that I didn’t do. I’ll spare you the details. Anyway, my first draft addressed the accusation but I decided to not fight fire with fire and lay out the facts and only the facts. He found out afterward that someone else had done the thing he had accused me of and he apologized. I was glad I wasn’t rude back to him as that would have put me on the same level as him. Now he feels like a d*ick and I know he’s kind of crazy and know to avoid him. Win win.

[Anonymous]

I would say (because this is 100% true) that I do not manage the trades my kid works with his friends. My understanding is that they traded a toy. I will talk to him tonight and tell him to talk to his friend about it and return the toy because he ni longer wants to trade. Please ask your kid not to being toys to school, as will I.

I honestly would give zero fuc&s about what she thinks about me. I have a job and am too busy to concern myself with petty bored women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Received an email from the parent of one of DS’ friends. The two kids each brought a toy to school and proceeded to trade. The mother of DS’ friend is irritated that the kids traded and wants her son’s toy back. In her email she accused my son of taking her son’s toy without actually trading something for it (untrue according to my son). She also emphasized how special her son’s toy is and that trading should not happen again in the future.

I’m irked at this email. We do not encourage toy trading (or bringing toys to school for that matter but apparently DS has been sneaking things in his pockets and/or backpack). DS knows that if he loses a toy or gives it away that it is likely gone and will not be replaced. If he chooses to give it away that is his decision. The teacher has also emphasized that things you care about (aside from your child ) should not be sent to school because they could be lost or damaged.

I need some unbiased feedback here. I have to see this mom occasionally and would like to remain friendly with her but her email was accusatory and made it sound like she thinks my kid stole her kid’s toy and that’s i need to somehow police what’s happening at school. I’m irritated.

The mom is a jerk. Kids do this. I'd address it but would not let the accusation go unaddressed.

But, I'd respond with something like:
" Jane- my understanding is that the kids traded toys. Larlo said that he gave Larloo XXX toy. So, I don't really appreciate the accusation that Larlo took Larloo's toy.

If you would like XXX toy back, that's totally fine. I'll send it to school or drop it of on (XX) day and if you would please do the same with Larlo's toy, that would be great. I think we should probably speak to the kids about not trading toys in the future. Thanks."

The caveat to the above is you should make sure it was a trade or that the toy was GIVEN (and not taken) the friend. As I said, kids do this. Mine has traded all sorts of things with friends. The mom grossly overreacted.

Almost there, but still too confrontational. Crazy mom will certainly see this as an affront to her snowflake. Just go with:

"Jane- my understanding is that the kids traded toys. Larlo said that he gave Larloo XXX toy. We'll send Larlo to school with YYY and they can trade back again tomorrow."

I guess it's up to OP as to how confrontational she is ok with. I would not hesitate to send the "confrontational" email. She is basically accusing OPs kid of stealing. Not ok.

3
Exactly. I have plenty of friends, my kid has pleanty of friends, no more friends are needed, no need to appease this woman. The CuNext Tuesday can think what she wants. I'd tell her to cut the crap and call me if she wants to talk, but dont sent me hysterical emails calling my kid a thief.

[Anonymous]

I'd probably go the non-confrontational route while correcting the misunderstanding in a matter-of-fact way, but I totally understand why some people would want to call the other mom out for her rudeness. I hope OP updates us with how she responded to the email and what the other mom had to say for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Cool. Wasn't aware they had traded toys. DS will bring the toy back to school tomorrow. Happy holidays!"

This.

NP +1

You've spoken to your kid about not taking things to school, but maybe this is the first time it's happened to her. Just return the thing. And if she says her kid doesn't have your kid's thing, just move on. Tell your kid that this is what he gets by bringing things to school - they get lost.

And don't be so quick to believe your kid's version of what happened. You already told us in your OP that he lies to you or at least sneaks around.

[Anonymous]

First of all, don’t blame the Mom. Her kid might have wanted his toy back, and there just isn’t any way for a parent to contact another parent about this without it being awkward. Just send a short non confrontational email back and have them trade toys back at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with the posters who say don't make this confrontational. Just say you were not aware of the trade and will send the toy back and ask for your son's toy back.

My DC (in K) also had a trade with another child - mine gave a toy (one that DC received just 2 days before) for a piece of paper that the other child gave. The other child was the one who encouraged the trade and my child thought it was just for a day and decided to share. Next day they exchanged the paper and toy back to their respective owners..Few days later same trade happened. My child thought they would again swap back the following day but the other child didn't bring the toy back and said it was at a friends house. Went on for a week and my child was getting upset. I finally asked the teacher if she could ask the child to bring it back. Teacher spoke to the 2 of them and said that the other child thought it was theirs now since it was a trade. It never came back and my child stopped talking to the other child for some time. But missed being friends with the other child. I then encouraged my child to let it go. They are friends again now lol..But we had a talk about not taking anything that was important to school.

I did not send an email to the other parent for the exact same reason you describe, and asked the teacher to find out what happened instead. An email come across as accusatory even if you don't mean it. Be wise in choosing your words when emailing back. You don't want your child losing a friend over a toy. Maybe the other child thought it was fun at first but changed his mind now.

You're the worst. The teacher is not your personal problem solver to handle issues that you're too lazy to deal with. Do you also ask others to handle your personal issues for you in other facets of your life, or just parenting?

Here's the email you could have sent instead:

Hey Mrs. X,

I think the kids had a little mix up with toys they traded with each other. Apparently my kid Larlo didn't clearly communicate that the trade was supposed to be temporary and he is really missing his Widget! Can you please send it back to school tomorrow and I'll have Larlo bring Gadget as well so they can trade back? Next time he'll be sure to be more clear about the terms of the trade .

Thanks and have a wonderful winter break!

Mrs. Y


So hard, right?

Thank you O almighty One. You have opened my eyes as to how to deal with a situation such as this. I am sorry you find my parenting skills poor. I promise to correct it in the future.

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with the posters who say don't make this confrontational. Just say you were not aware of the trade and will send the toy back and ask for your son's toy back.

My DC (in K) also had a trade with another child - mine gave a toy (one that DC received just 2 days before) for a piece of paper that the other child gave. The other child was the one who encouraged the trade and my child thought it was just for a day and decided to share. Next day they exchanged the paper and toy back to their respective owners..Few days later same trade happened. My child thought they would again swap back the following day but the other child didn't bring the toy back and said it was at a friends house. Went on for a week and my child was getting upset. I finally asked the teacher if she could ask the child to bring it back. Teacher spoke to the 2 of them and said that the other child thought it was theirs now since it was a trade. It never came back and my child stopped talking to the other child for some time. But missed being friends with the other child. I then encouraged my child to let it go. They are friends again now lol..But we had a talk about not taking anything that was important to school.

I did not send an email to the other parent for the exact same reason you describe, and asked the teacher to find out what happened instead. An email come across as accusatory even if you don't mean it. Be wise in choosing your words when emailing back. You don't want your child losing a friend over a toy. Maybe the other child thought it was fun at first but changed his mind now.

You're the worst. The teacher is not your personal problem solver to handle issues that you're too lazy to deal with. Do you also ask others to handle your personal issues for you in other facets of your life, or just parenting?

Here's the email you could have sent instead:

Hey Mrs. X,

I think the kids had a little mix up with toys they traded with each other. Apparently my kid Larlo didn't clearly communicate that the trade was supposed to be temporary and he is really missing his Widget! Can you please send it back to school tomorrow and I'll have Larlo bring Gadget as well so they can trade back? Next time he'll be sure to be more clear about the terms of the trade .

Thanks and have a wonderful winter break!

Mrs. Y


So hard, right?

Thank you O almighty One. You have opened my eyes as to how to deal with a situation such as this. I am sorry you find my parenting skills poor. I promise to correct it in the future.

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas!

I don’t know about you, but I’d hesitate to take etiquette advice from someone who leads with “you’re the worst” over a disagreement.

[Anonymous]

My DC traded about 25 shopkins for a handful of teeny tiny seashells. It took me forever to find those stupid shopkins online when I first bought them. I punished my DC for the trade, stopped buying shopkins and did not email the other mom. The other kid kept the shopkins and my child eventually threw out the seashells. My child needed to learn to wise up and to be honest, so did I. My intervention would have been a disservice to my child. I expect DC to grow up to be a functional adult one day who can practice good judgment. I practiced bad judgment by spending crazy money on toys. We both learned our lesson and the other kid clearly valued the toy more than my child. Win. Win.

[Anonymous]

It's irksome because she's blaming your DS and you second hand. If the kids are the same age- it was her DS who decided (apparently without permission) to trade his special toy.

I agree with other pps. Don't apologize- just say "oh, I wasn't aware that the boys had agreed to trade toys. DS will bring the toy back to school tomorrow. However he did say that he traded his hot wheels car for it. Can Larlo please return it? Have a nice holiday!"

[Anonymous]

I would be tempted to have some fun with this one.

Option 1 : Sorry no backsies!

Option 2: Oh dear, I'm so sorry that your son doesn't understanding trading. We forget sometimes that there are kids with lower abilities in DC's class. My DC is both gifted and a strong negotiator. He gets it from DH and I as we cleared our first $5M mark one year out of college but I digress....we will speak to our son about how negotiating and trading with kids who don't have same abilities and aren't as advanced. Have you considered enrichment for your child? It could help. Your child is very sweet and I'm sure there is some future career pathway out there for him. Not everyone is college material, the world needs low end labor too!

Option 3: Wow I was just about to write to you or to be more precise our lawyer was about to send you a letter. My son traded my $10K diamond engagement ring for the cheap toy that your son wants back. Please return the ring or a check for $10K and we will of course return the toy. Have a great day and so happy that you are being proactive about returning my ring.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you do/respond?

[Anonymous]

DD negotiates the worst deals ever! But, that's strictly between her and her friends, so while we talk about it (Do you think that 1 mini Oreo is a fair trade for a brownie? Why/Why not?), I don't intervene in any way. She has improved her negotiations skills considerably, however. Lessons learned.