Does everyone walk out of an IEP meeting feeling like crap?

[Anonymous]

We wanted access to a program (which exists and has space) that provides 30 hours of special education weekly. We were offered 2 hours of special education weekly, plus 30 min weekly with a speech language pathologist. When I pushed back, they said my son doesn’t need the hours. I pushed back-hard. I got my son the placement. Why do I feel bad, like I “got” something I shouldn’t have on the taxpayer’s dime, my kid isn’t THAT behind and I should have just taken what they offered and counted myself lucky? My kid is well suited for this program. Why am I being made to feel I did something wrong? Did I? Can anyone relate?

[Anonymous]

IEP meetings suck, even when they go right.

If the school really disagreed, they would not have agreed to the placement you pushed for. They would have dug in and you would have had to go to due process.

As for your son, if the school district turns out to be right and the program turns out to be 'too much,' and/or your child improves significantly, you can always ratchet back.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

We dropped our IEP because the meetings went so poorly and 30 minutes of group speech is a waste of time when its not related to my child. In less you hire an advocate you will get no where and I'd rather spend the money on therapies.

[Anonymous]

No one can make you feel bad without your permission. (I forget who said that). They always offer the minimum because some parents don’t know what to advocate for and take it. So the school people pat themselves on the back (SHAME ON THEM).
Never feel bad about advocating for what your child needs. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We dropped our IEP because the meetings went so poorly and 30 minutes of group speech is a waste of time when its not related to my child. In less you hire an advocate you will get no where and I'd rather spend the money on therapies.

Even with an advocate they can be a beast. Sometimes the advocate goes rogue and rides off on her own crazy ideas when you thought you had come to an agreement or you make it distinctly clear you want her to behave by using her respectful voice and body language and instead she antagonizes everyone in the room, rolls her eyes at them, yells at them and does whatever else while you try to reign her in without making it appear you 2 are no longer on the same team. Even worse, you and your team are in agreement, but Rosie going Rogue insists she knows best and you want to kick her under the table and remind her who is paying for this.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm grateful for what the IEP teams have done throughout my son's schooling. He's going into high school next year and couldn't have gotten there without real teamwork: I did some pretty incredibly things, and case counselors and speech pathologists did the rest. This is in MCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We dropped our IEP because the meetings went so poorly and 30 minutes of group speech is a waste of time when its not related to my child. In less you hire an advocate you will get no where and I'd rather spend the money on therapies.

Even with an advocate they can be a beast. Sometimes the advocate goes rogue and rides off on her own crazy ideas when you thought you had come to an agreement or you make it distinctly clear you want her to behave by using her respectful voice and body language and instead she antagonizes everyone in the room, rolls her eyes at them, yells at them and does whatever else while you try to reign her in without making it appear you 2 are no longer on the same team. Even worse, you and your team are in agreement, but Rosie going Rogue insists she knows best and you want to kick her under the table and remind her who is paying for this.

Agree, that's why we gave up when our child is ok at school and just use the money for private services. I've heard so many stories about advocates, good and bad it just wasn't worth the cost for us.

[Anonymous]

Public schools really need to stick to the "least restrictive environment" component to IDEA.
As a related service provider, I can tell you that many families don't want their kid taken away from regular ed peers while others feel like more hours will result in more progress (not always in my experience).
I have worked for MCPS, DCPS and PGCPS and never have I experienced special ed teams trying to give minimal services.
Just last week we met about a kid who has scored in the low end of average for all areas but kept his services in place because we thought the progress was because of the supports but we also want him to be in the classroom as much as possible as his abilities increase, so it is a careful balance.
Trust me, educators want kids to learn.
If anything, we try to make sure kids who aren't progressing are placed in appropriate programs but those decisions are made at higher levels than the school based team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We wanted access to a program (which exists and has space) that provides 30 hours of special education weekly. We were offered 2 hours of special education weekly, plus 30 min weekly with a speech language pathologist. When I pushed back, they said my son doesn’t need the hours. I pushed back-hard. I got my son the placement. Why do I feel bad, like I “got” something I shouldn’t have on the taxpayer’s dime, my kid isn’t THAT behind and I should have just taken what they offered and counted myself lucky? My kid is well suited for this program. Why am I being made to feel I did something wrong? Did I? Can anyone relate?

You should feel proud you successfully advocated for your kid. There is nothing to feel bad about. Your kid has a right to an appropriate education, and you, as the parent, are part of the team that decides what's appropriate. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

OP, if it makes any difference to you I am a teacher sitting at the IEP table silently cheering you on when you (or other parents) stand up for your kid's rights and push for what you think is needed for your child. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I am with you on feeling like crap. I usually cry the whole way home. And we’ve had mostly supportive teams over the years. I think it is a combination of many factors:
-feeling like you have to advocate and fight for every little thing
-feeling like you can’t really trust the rest of the team because they have agendas that aren’t aligned with yours- even though these are the people you trust with your vulnerable child each school day
-talking about the worst aspects of your child’s struggles in a really blunt way
-recognizing that there is no way to ever get to optimal education

But after I console myself with wine and chocolate I remember how far we’ve come and the teachers and administrators who have helped along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it makes any difference to you I am a teacher sitting at the IEP table silently cheering you on when you (or other parents) stand up for your kid's rights and push for what you think is needed for your child. Hugs.

Love this- thanks for sharing! I always worry the teachers feel like crap too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it makes any difference to you I am a teacher sitting at the IEP table silently cheering you on when you (or other parents) stand up for your kid's rights and push for what you think is needed for your child. Hugs.

+1

I want your child to have what he or she needs to succeed. If that means staff needs to reconsider our original recommendation so be it. Twice I’ve cried after EMTs when parents refused to authorize testing due to cultural misconceptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public schools really need to stick to the "least restrictive environment" component to IDEA.
As a related service provider, I can tell you that many families don't want their kid taken away from regular ed peers while others feel like more hours will result in more progress (not always in my experience).
I have worked for MCPS, DCPS and PGCPS and never have I experienced special ed teams trying to give minimal services.
Just last week we met about a kid who has scored in the low end of average for all areas but kept his services in place because we thought the progress was because of the supports but we also want him to be in the classroom as much as possible as his abilities increase, so it is a careful balance.
Trust me, educators want kids to learn.
If anything, we try to make sure kids who aren't progressing are placed in appropriate programs but those decisions are made at higher levels than the school based team.

This. I’m a teacher and I have to agree, that the least restrictive is best. They are professionals (believe it or not) and they are not out to get you or your child.

[Anonymous]

I find IEP meetings exhausting. As a parent, it is my responsibility to be sure that everyone has all of the information they need to be a full participant on the team. So I have a lot of prep to do. But, like you,OP, I end up getting what my child needs. But unlike you, I don’t have the least bit of guilt at getting him the services he needs. So I usually feel tired and successful. Plus sometimes emotional it it’s been a bad year and we have revisit the difficulties in order to make a new plan.