Does everyone walk out of an IEP meeting feeling like crap?

[Anonymous]

Hi I am entirely new at this and trying to figure out the process. If you are told your child’s scores are within the range for the grade, is it correct that this is not sufficient to disprove the need to testing if there is reason to think that something is causing an adverse impact? Ie noticeable difficulty paying attention like other kids, but manages to scrape together just enough math skills after tons of practice.

Also this thread has been very helpful learning what to potentially expect so thank you all for sharing. Please keep doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi I am entirely new at this and trying to figure out the process. If you are told your child’s scores are within the range for the grade, is it correct that this is not sufficient to disprove the need to testing if there is reason to think that something is causing an adverse impact? Ie noticeable difficulty paying attention like other kids, but manages to scrape together just enough math skills after tons of practice.

Also this thread has been very helpful learning what to potentially expect so thank you all for sharing. Please keep doing so.

Have you formally requested testing in writing? Here is a good summary of why schools may deny testing https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/evaluations/evaluation-basics/why-your-childs-school-can-deny-your-evaluation-request

How to proceed if a request for evaluation is denied https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/evaluations/evaluation-basics/9-steps-to-take-if-your-request-for-evaluation-is-denied

[Anonymous]

Yes - I have formally requested a test in writing and now am moving to the meeting(s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi I am entirely new at this and trying to figure out the process. If you are told your child’s scores are within the range for the grade, is it correct that this is not sufficient to disprove the need to testing if there is reason to think that something is causing an adverse impact? Ie noticeable difficulty paying attention like other kids, but manages to scrape together just enough math skills after tons of practice.

Also this thread has been very helpful learning what to potentially expect so thank you all for sharing. Please keep doing so.

You should start a new thread with more info about your concerns. This truly is the best board on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I definitely felt a little guilty (maybe a lot?) when I got the first IEP. Because I knew that I had done it in part because I am trained to interpret laws and regulations, and make very strong arguments. And I also knew that I had done it in part to cope with a bad school that we had previously enrolled in. I also felt surprised at the amount of services that we got (10 hrs push in special ed plus good related services) and I felt sorta, kinda, like I was "that mom" pathologizing her normal child.

At the end of the day I actually felt confident about my argument and like it was the right thing to do, but I felt guilty that I got something via my personal skills, that other equally needy parents don't. This is one reason I try to chime in on this board to share wisdom!

Also as time has gone by, I feel like I was very smart and prescient to get a strong IEP. I truly believe it helped smooth the path for my DS, who is now really thriving academically and has not had behavioral issues. But, I do still have residual guilt, because I have no doubt that similarly needy kids would not have gotten the same.

Op again. I don’t know the exact lingo for the program he is in. He’s going to be mainstreamed in an inclusive classroom but have a sped teacher with him (and three other kids) for about 5-6 hours per day. I knew 2 hours was too little. I knew self-contained was not right either. This program was never told to me or offered to me. It was literally through hours of internet digging and then a call to the county sped coordinator to confirm it existed and there was space available. I feel like I “found out” about their special little program and they are upset with me!

Your experience about the secretive nature of programs is very common, and it has happened to me and many other parents I know. It is one of the very worst aspects of MCPS, and it is one of the easiest things MCPS could change -- a public list every year of every single program, with a description of the program, age range, etc. as well MCPS ought to put out a public list of approved private placement schools, if necessary lumping them into 5 or 10 year groups so as to preserve privacy.

This sort of secrecy is common in DC, too. The city does publish a list of programs, but it is not accurate and if you try to find out if certain programs are offered and where, you get the run around. Now, it could be that DCPS HQ employees themselves do not really know much about the programs, or the programs change so quickly that it is hard for them to be current on info. But jeez, either way it is really frustrating for a parent trying to advocate for the program that best fits your child!

[Anonymous]

Keep a careful record of all IEPs and notes. Anything you sign becomes a legal contract that will be used by the school system to bolster its position or, in many cases, refuse services. Some very good teachers prefer not to use "pull outs" and can provide what's needed. Listen to them but don't cancel the IEP. It can be modified to an "as needed" status.

[Anonymous]

Op, I am confused. My son is in a self contained room- and only has 25 hours. They deduct for lunch & specials. Is your child now totally isolated? 30 hours is the highest number I’ve ever seen on an iep.

[Anonymous]

30 hours is a total self-contained room in FCPS, because they have support at recess and lunch, even if they are with gen ed peers. As a teacher, I have always tried to do right by my students and I do challenge them. I would feel terrible if any parent was leaving a meeting upset. What I sometimes find are parents who refuse to seek private counseling and insist everything is just fine everywhere but in my classroom, which I know is a total lie. And the parents who insist their kid makes suicidal statements just for attention? Yes, that's right. He or she is desperate for attention and they aren't getting what they need because parents refuse to provide it. Don't get me started on parents of kids with horrible ADHD who won't medicate, so their kid is out of control all day, not learning, and has such terrible self-esteem. I know the advocate who rolls her eyes. I'd fire her on the spot. No professional takes her seriously. And why do so many parents of kids with autism become advocates and think they know what they're doing? Not every kid needs what their kid dud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am confused. My son is in a self contained room- and only has 25 hours. They deduct for lunch & specials. Is your child now totally isolated? 30 hours is the highest number I’ve ever seen on an iep.

He’s in a general population from 8-12:45 and supported by a sped during this time. From 12:45 to 2:45, he’s with other SN kids in a therapeutic group setting. There’s a lunch and nap in there too.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have experience with IEP meetings since our kids go to Catholic school. However, I can tell you I feel like crap after every one of our “Catholic Plan” meetings. It feels terrible to have them always centered on the things your child doesn’t do well on and all their shortcomings. I’ve had some meetings with a group of teachers who are all so negative. I once even had one teacher say we are terribly concerned we’re not sure how your kid is going to make it through middle school. And yet now the kid is in high school and doing well. It’s so stressful, we are doing the best we can and are trying to advocate for our kid and it’s hard enough let alone being told everything your kid cannot do at that moment in time. I will say it gets better though and you get less emotional as time goes by. I started having my husband come along seems to change the tone of the meetings. Suggest bringing a loved one along if it’s helpful. One of the most surprising things to me is that I found out later that some of those same teachers have kids with disabilities as well and yet they were harsh during these meetings. I don’t understand it but I guess that’s part of being your kids true advocate and believing in them and trusting that they will progress and be fine. Keep going, don’t let these meetings bring you down, know that your child will progress, and know there are so many of us out there going through the exact same things and you aren’t alone. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it makes any difference to you I am a teacher sitting at the IEP table silently cheering you on when you (or other parents) stand up for your kid's rights and push for what you think is needed for your child. Hugs.

Love this- thanks for sharing! I always worry the teachers feel like crap too.

We mostly feel helpless because there is a huge difference between what we are allowed to say and what we want to say. What I want to say is "you see this child struggling and this mom fighting her ass off. No parent WANTS their child to struggle and need these services so quit treating her like she's scamming the system. Get the child the help they need or what is the point of any of what we do?"

[Anonymous]

I have had parents bring a big photo of their child to show anyone in the meeting who does not know the child. I thought it was a great idea. I would ask the team to start the discussion with positives. Just say that while you know the meeting is mostly about needs and services, as a parent, it would help you to hear positives. We get too focused on the needs in the meetings and you have every right to remind us to note strengths and gains. If I were a parent I’d ask for a breakdown of the daily schedule and exactly who was providing services when. I’d ask what special programs are being used and what built-in assessments there are and how you can be kept up to date. We’re doing very little reading specialized programs where I teach because the staff has been reassigned and I’d be delighted if that came to light. I can’t say in a leefingcthat your kid’s needs aren’t being met because of insane principal decisions.