Would you push to stay in a hotel when visiting IL's?

[Anonymous]

DH and I will be going back to his hometown for the holidays. The house his parents live in is very small and there will be multiple other family members there (we would be sharing a bathroom with at least three others). I'm in my third trimester - and have some issues I won't go into which make bathroom time more valuable - so casually brought the idea of getting a hotel to give others more space. He seemed opened to it but did mention that his mom might not love the idea. I dropped it for the time being but am debating bringing it up again. I don't want to upset the family, but I just know I'd be much happier in a hotel.

I'm pretty sure I should just suck it up, but am wondering if others have thoughts on a way to approach this that wouldn't hurt feelings?

[Anonymous]

Get a hotel, but stay overnight Christmas eve if that is an issue.

[Anonymous]

Definitely get the hotel. And I would tell MiL about pregnancy constipation—heck, she’s been pregnant at least once and should understand. She might appreciate being let in on why the change in locale versus thinking you guys don’t like her hospitality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I will be going back to his hometown for the holidays. The house his parents live in is very small and there will be multiple other family members there (we would be sharing a bathroom with at least three others). I'm in my third trimester - and have some issues I won't go into which make bathroom time more valuable - so casually brought the idea of getting a hotel to give others more space. He seemed opened to it but did mention that his mom might not love the idea. I dropped it for the time being but am debating bringing it up again. I don't want to upset the family, but I just know I'd be much happier in a hotel.

I'm pretty sure I should just suck it up, but am wondering if others have thoughts on a way to approach this that wouldn't hurt feelings?

This isn’t meant to be a personal crack, but I never underrstand men who bulldoze over their wives to tiptoe around their parents. He’s a grown up now, and oh well... his mom won’t love the idea? You know who WILL love the idea? His third-trimester pregnant, chosen life partner!

OP, I don’t think that staying in a hotel for your privacy and comfort *should* cause hurt feelings, but I’m also going to say that your feelings are no less valid, so if your mother in law feels hurt by what YOU need, oh well. Hurt feelings in a normal grownup mend.

[Anonymous]

Hotel. 100%

[Anonymous]

Yes, definitely. Your DH will actually like it once he is there and can get away from all the people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I will be going back to his hometown for the holidays. The house his parents live in is very small and there will be multiple other family members there (we would be sharing a bathroom with at least three others). I'm in my third trimester - and have some issues I won't go into which make bathroom time more valuable - so casually brought the idea of getting a hotel to give others more space. He seemed opened to it but did mention that his mom might not love the idea. I dropped it for the time being but am debating bringing it up again. I don't want to upset the family, but I just know I'd be much happier in a hotel.

I'm pretty sure I should just suck it up, but am wondering if others have thoughts on a way to approach this that wouldn't hurt feelings?

This isn’t meant to be a personal crack, but I never underrstand men who bulldoze over their wives to tiptoe around their parents. He’s a grown up now, and oh well... his mom won’t love the idea? You know who WILL love the idea? His third-trimester pregnant, chosen life partner!

OP, I don’t think that staying in a hotel for your privacy and comfort *should* cause hurt feelings, but I’m also going to say that your feelings are no less valid, so if your mother in law feels hurt by what YOU need, oh well. Hurt feelings in a normal grownup mend.

This, +a million.

DH insisted we stayed with his ILs when I was pregnant. I ended up having a big scare (bleeding), and it caused a ton of drama since I was freaked out and DH only cared about putting up a front for his family.

Later on he tried to get me to sleep on a futon right after I gave birth so his parents could have our bed when they visited us. You gotta put your foot down as early as possible or mom will always be the priority.

[Anonymous]

Just make the reservation. They will get over it. I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I will be going back to his hometown for the holidays. The house his parents live in is very small and there will be multiple other family members there (we would be sharing a bathroom with at least three others). I'm in my third trimester - and have some issues I won't go into which make bathroom time more valuable - so casually brought the idea of getting a hotel to give others more space. He seemed opened to it but did mention that his mom might not love the idea. I dropped it for the time being but am debating bringing it up again. I don't want to upset the family, but I just know I'd be much happier in a hotel.

I'm pretty sure I should just suck it up, but am wondering if others have thoughts on a way to approach this that wouldn't hurt feelings?

This isn’t meant to be a personal crack, but I never underrstand men who bulldoze over their wives to tiptoe around their parents. He’s a grown up now, and oh well... his mom won’t love the idea? You know who WILL love the idea? His third-trimester pregnant, chosen life partner!

OP, I don’t think that staying in a hotel for your privacy and comfort *should* cause hurt feelings, but I’m also going to say that your feelings are no less valid, so if your mother in law feels hurt by what YOU need, oh well. Hurt feelings in a normal grownup mend.

This, +a million.

DH insisted we stayed with his ILs when I was pregnant. I ended up having a big scare (bleeding), and it caused a ton of drama since I was freaked out and DH only cared about putting up a front for his family.

Later on he tried to get me to sleep on a futon right after I gave birth so his parents could have our bed when they visited us. You gotta put your foot down as early as possible or mom will always be the priority.

OMG! I have my issues with my MIL, but one of the things I like is how much pride she takes in her son being a good husband. If he tried to do that when I was pregnant, she would kill him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I will be going back to his hometown for the holidays. The house his parents live in is very small and there will be multiple other family members there (we would be sharing a bathroom with at least three others). I'm in my third trimester - and have some issues I won't go into which make bathroom time more valuable - so casually brought the idea of getting a hotel to give others more space. He seemed opened to it but did mention that his mom might not love the idea. I dropped it for the time being but am debating bringing it up again. I don't want to upset the family, but I just know I'd be much happier in a hotel.

I'm pretty sure I should just suck it up, but am wondering if others have thoughts on a way to approach this that wouldn't hurt feelings?

How good is your relationship with MIL? I would tell DH that you want to talk to MIL to discuss the stay. I think the biggest issue is always lack of communication. If you can find the opportunity to tell your MIL your 'motives' for wanting a hotel and do so from a vulnerable position, I believe MIL will definitely understand.

As a DH I find myself in a bind a lot of times when DW wants something a certain way and I have to explain to my parents; it's difficult because I feel I have to explain my DW position w/o feeling like I'm throwing DW under the bus

[Anonymous]

Heavily pregnant women get a pass on everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Heavily pregnant women get a pass on everything.

Not in my family. This wouldn't have gone over well. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you have a voucher for the hotel which would expire at the end of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I will be going back to his hometown for the holidays. The house his parents live in is very small and there will be multiple other family members there (we would be sharing a bathroom with at least three others). I'm in my third trimester - and have some issues I won't go into which make bathroom time more valuable - so casually brought the idea of getting a hotel to give others more space. He seemed opened to it but did mention that his mom might not love the idea. I dropped it for the time being but am debating bringing it up again. I don't want to upset the family, but I just know I'd be much happier in a hotel.

I'm pretty sure I should just suck it up, but am wondering if others have thoughts on a way to approach this that wouldn't hurt feelings?

How good is your relationship with MIL? I would tell DH that you want to talk to MIL to discuss the stay. I think the biggest issue is always lack of communication. If you can find the opportunity to tell your MIL your 'motives' for wanting a hotel and do so from a vulnerable position, I believe MIL will definitely understand.

As a DH I find myself in a bind a lot of times when DW wants something a certain way and I have to explain to my parents; it's difficult because I feel I have to explain my DW position w/o feeling like I'm throwing DW under the bus

As a man you need to talk to your mom! Don't throw DW under the bus. State that you both want something. Why would you ever go to your parents and say "DW wants this?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them you have a voucher for the hotel which would expire at the end of the year.

I'd use this every year from now on. Because OP, once you HAVE the baby you will also want your own space. Now is a good time to set the new precedent that you will be staying in a hotel from now on...