Would you push to stay in a hotel when visiting IL's?

[Anonymous]

This is always a problem for our family too. At some point you just have to rip off the bandaid and book the hotel. Using the pregnancy card is the best time to do it. Tell her your doctor suggested it.

[Anonymous]

This is a great opportunity to assert yourself and your needs before your baby is born--take that opportunity!

And start getting used to the idea that you and DH are a primary unit, who get to make your own decisions for your family--and the extended family will too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We insisted on staying at a hotel when visiting DH's aunt and uncle because I was very pregnant and the only sleeping options were 1) a horrible futon, or 2) an air mattress. They were pissy about it, but whatever.

When it comes to DH's parents, we may have a problem as DD gets older. She's only 2 now and has been fine with us sticking her pack n play in their laundry room. As she gets older, I'm not sure where she'll sleep, since they only have 2 bedrooms. They've talked about putting a foldout couch in their office, but considering that's been a conversation for the last 3 years, I doubt it'll happen anytime soon. I anticipate conflict over it, but if they don't have the space to accommodate us, we don't have a choice!

Time for holidays and visits to be much more frequently at your house!

[Anonymous]

We just did this for the first time (they asked us to, and we agreed it was a good idea).

It was the best!!!! We slept so well. When we arrived in the morning each day, we were clean/groomed for the day, ready to go.

Why not try it?

If mil isn’t on board, just tell her you’re going to try it out and see how it goes this year. She’ll find that it’s all the same. You can still do late nights hanging out, and on Christmas Day you’ll agree to arrive by such and such time. If you stick to that time, she can’t hold anything against you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you all afford this? Even at the crappy $120 a night hotels, that would blow our Christmas budget. We don't have an extra $500 every time we visit inlaws (every 6 weeks)

We suck it up for shorter visits and for the Christmas visit, we shell out over 1,000 dollars on hotels to stay at a Hyatt or Hilton. My Christmas gift to me and DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I will be going back to his hometown for the holidays. The house his parents live in is very small and there will be multiple other family members there (we would be sharing a bathroom with at least three others). I'm in my third trimester - and have some issues I won't go into which make bathroom time more valuable - so casually brought the idea of getting a hotel to give others more space. He seemed opened to it but did mention that his mom might not love the idea. I dropped it for the time being but am debating bringing it up again. I don't want to upset the family, but I just know I'd be much happier in a hotel.

I'm pretty sure I should just suck it up, but am wondering if others have thoughts on a way to approach this that wouldn't hurt feelings?

This isn’t meant to be a personal crack, but I never underrstand men who bulldoze over their wives to tiptoe around their parents. He’s a grown up now, and oh well... his mom won’t love the idea? You know who WILL love the idea? His third-trimester pregnant, chosen life partner!

OP, I don’t think that staying in a hotel for your privacy and comfort *should* cause hurt feelings, but I’m also going to say that your feelings are no less valid, so if your mother in law feels hurt by what YOU need, oh well. Hurt feelings in a normal grownup mend.

This, +a million.

DH insisted we stayed with his ILs when I was pregnant. I ended up having a big scare (bleeding), and it caused a ton of drama since I was freaked out and DH only cared about putting up a front for his family.

Later on he tried to get me to sleep on a futon right after I gave birth so his parents could have our bed when they visited us. You gotta put your foot down as early as possible or mom will always be the priority.

WAIT, WHAT???????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you all afford this? Even at the crappy $120 a night hotels, that would blow our Christmas budget. We don't have an extra $500 every time we visit inlaws (every 6 weeks)

Why the heck are you visiting them every 6 weeks? That's insanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you all afford this? Even at the crappy $120 a night hotels, that would blow our Christmas budget. We don't have an extra $500 every time we visit inlaws (every 6 weeks)

You don't visit every 6 weeks for several nights. But also, if you are happy with the setup there's no reason to change just because other people are not happy. You do you.

PP here. We're extremely unhappy with the setup but can't afford otherwise.

Why on earth are you going so often, then?
My family lives in Europe and we see them once a year on average, and once every 5 years for more distant relatives in Asia.
Visits get less frequent as distance and costs increase, simple equation.

So people who don't see their inlaws often are the ones staying in hotels? We normally have a reason why we visit every 6 weeks. Even Thanksgiving and Christmas are 6 weeks apart.

Every six weeks, all year long?

Why do you do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you all afford this? Even at the crappy $120 a night hotels, that would blow our Christmas budget. We don't have an extra $500 every time we visit inlaws (every 6 weeks)

You don't visit every 6 weeks for several nights. But also, if you are happy with the setup there's no reason to change just because other people are not happy. You do you.

PP here. We're extremely unhappy with the setup but can't afford otherwise.

Why on earth are you going so often, then?
My family lives in Europe and we see them once a year on average, and once every 5 years for more distant relatives in Asia.
Visits get less frequent as distance and costs increase, simple equation.

So people who don't see their inlaws often are the ones staying in hotels? We normally have a reason why we visit every 6 weeks. Even Thanksgiving and Christmas are 6 weeks apart.

Your ILs must live a lot closer than our families. Dh's family is about 6.5 hours away. Mine is close to 8. We alternate Christmases. Dh's family comes to us for Thanksgiving, and my mom usually flies to see us one other time during the year.

(We actually don't stay in a hotel because there is plenty of space at both places. But we'll probably be paying for a hotel room for the ILs next Thanksgiving because FIL is finding it harder to navigate the stairs in our house to get between the guest room and the bathroom.)

[Anonymous]

Don’t forget to check out VRBO and AirBNB - you maybe able to find a place in their neighborhood (walking distance) for cheaper than a hotel depending on where they live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Heavily pregnant women get a pass on everything.

Not in my family. This wouldn't have gone over well. Sorry.

Then your family sucks and it’s best to reset expectations now.

Otherwise you’ll be woman who’s forced to sleep on the futon after giving birth so your ILs can have the master bedroom when they come to “help.”

[Anonymous]

I would stay in a hotel, or stay home altogether. I refused to travel in my 3rd tri because I was so uncomfortable and constantly needing a bathroom.

[Anonymous]

I do not have that problem when visiting IL. My IL has a 12,000 sqft home with 9 bedrooms and 12 bathrooms so everyone has their own space. Thanks god

[Anonymous]

Why are women always thinking they should suck it up and be uncomfortable? You are pregnant? If his mom doesn't like it, too bad! Explain that this is for your comfort/health, and stay in the hotel. You will be glad you did.