Anyone have three kids and consider themselves ambitious/ in a competitive career?

[Anonymous]

I'm just wondering how possible this is, for men or women, but obviously more for women or anyone who has a default parent role. Most of the people on here who say they enjoy having three kids seem to be SAHM or work part-time in jobs they enjoy but that are not super competitive. I would love to hear from someone who feels they want to put their heart into their work as well as family whether or not three is manageable, and how. Do you have to have a lot of help?

[Anonymous]

OP here -- those may not be the best terms to describe what I mean in career terms, but basically I'm curious about cases where you feel your job is demanding AND you are highly motivated to achieve something in it. I know some people have demanding jobs but they aren't that into it, and some love their jobs but don't find them highly demanding. It seems that if your job meets both criteria it makes it more challenging to balance on a personal level what you want to give to work vs family.

[Anonymous]

This is very possible with a spouse who is the default parent.

I used to have a big career and now work very part time with 3 kids. DH earns a seven figure income and does not have any flexibility in his job.

I know law firm partners with a government worker husband, physicians with entrepreneur husbands, senior managing directors with stay at home dads.

My son has a good friend whose dad is a SAHM. We see them all the time. I do not like the mom. She will come to weekend parties and play dates and it is a bit awkward. She seems unable to control her kids and then she spends time trying to get too personal with everyone. It comes off as being super nosy. This has more to do with her personality, not that she works and her husband stays home.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids under 5, am the default parent (though DH is a great dad and quite involved, he works more like 65-70 hours/week) and work as an attorney in a pretty competitive federal job. I am definitely not in big law and relative flexibility/good benefits are attractions of my current position, but I WOH 55ish hours/ week (including commute) and do some international work travel. I love my job and though I devote less time to it than I would if I didn’t have kids, I am a good performer and definitely hope to be promoted/make SES in the next 5-10 years.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. I think it is hard for both parents to have big careers but very possible for one to make work the priority. DH is senior enough that he now works 50 hours only. He also takes more vacation. This took many years of hard work and effort. I think it is easy to get and keep a job paying 150, harder to get to 500k. Once DH broke 1m, ball is usually in his court. People often cater to him now.

DH is very hands on and we spend quality time together on weekends. He goes to no school events during the day. He will take kids to sports in evenings if he is home in time. He gives our toddler a bath and puts her to sleep most nights.

I am the one who juggles 3 kids’ schedules. I can never rely on DH to help drive. I do have a sitter twice a week for the entire day and have housecleaners.

[Anonymous]

I am very ambitious with 3 kids under 7. My current job is not very demanding but that's not because of kids but rather some bad career choices... I am trying to be more successful and I haven't found #3 to be an obstacle so far. DH is in a competitive profession but very involved at home. We have cleaners and obviously very much rely on schools/daycare.

[Anonymous]

I’m in biglaw and I feel like having 3 kids is super common. Even when both spouses have “big” jobs. E.g. I know a male partner with an obstetrician wife.

[Anonymous]

Most of them have nannies and a lot of child care and other help and those people are the default parents.

[Anonymous]

There are only 24 hours in a day. Something has to give. I have three kids and work full-time but my job is somewhat flexible as long as it’s not during my 2 month busy period and even then I can take a couple planned days off. My DH works more hours than me but has no trouble working from home a few times a month. We have a full-time nanny.

I’m the kind of mom who likes to volunteer at school, throw birthday parties, attend karate and dance with the kids, cook and eat meals with my children. My DH is the sort of dad who wants to be at parent teacher conferences and pediatrician appointments with us. He is home for dinner and bedtime almost every night and just works again afterwards. We had three kids because we wanted to do these things. I personally can’t imagine not being an involved parent, and I do wonder why people keep having kids if they have no interest in the day to day parenting. 1 or 2 sure, but why 3+?

[Anonymous]

Biglaw and big corporate exec with three. No travel for either job. With young children we used a FT nanny - for a period one live in and one live -out. Once weekly laundress/ seamstress, academic and music tutors come to the house. Cleaning service. Another service drops off family meals ready to eat 3 days/week. Dry cleaners pick up and drop off at our door. We deliberately did not have a social life outside if the kids for years. I don't know how people manage to keep things going if there is work travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are only 24 hours in a day. Something has to give. I have three kids and work full-time but my job is somewhat flexible as long as it’s not during my 2 month busy period and even then I can take a couple planned days off. My DH works more hours than me but has no trouble working from home a few times a month. We have a full-time nanny.

I’m the kind of mom who likes to volunteer at school, throw birthday parties, attend karate and dance with the kids, cook and eat meals with my children. My DH is the sort of dad who wants to be at parent teacher conferences and pediatrician appointments with us. He is home for dinner and bedtime almost every night and just works again afterwards. We had three kids because we wanted to do these things. I personally can’t imagine not being an involved parent, and I do wonder why people keep having kids if they have no interest in the day to day parenting. 1 or 2 sure, but why 3+?

We both work in biglaw and we both do all the stuff you mention. What, do you think biglawyers don’t go to parent teacher conferences or plan their kids’ birthday parties? Honestly “big” jobs often have more hours flexibility. We chaperone field trips, have play dates with neighbors, attend dance/gymnastics not always but sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I’m one of the ones who works part time by choice.

I could do it ambitiously with 3 kids if I wanted to hire a lot of help (childcare and household stuff).

(Also big law)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are only 24 hours in a day. Something has to give. I have three kids and work full-time but my job is somewhat flexible as long as it’s not during my 2 month busy period and even then I can take a couple planned days off. My DH works more hours than me but has no trouble working from home a few times a month. We have a full-time nanny.

I’m the kind of mom who likes to volunteer at school, throw birthday parties, attend karate and dance with the kids, cook and eat meals with my children. My DH is the sort of dad who wants to be at parent teacher conferences and pediatrician appointments with us. He is home for dinner and bedtime almost every night and just works again afterwards. We had three kids because we wanted to do these things. I personally can’t imagine not being an involved parent, and I do wonder why people keep having kids if they have no interest in the day to day parenting. 1 or 2 sure, but why 3+?

We both work in biglaw and we both do all the stuff you mention. What, do you think biglawyers don’t go to parent teacher conferences or plan their kids’ birthday parties? Honestly “big” jobs often have more hours flexibility. We chaperone field trips, have play dates with neighbors, attend dance/gymnastics not always but sometimes.

I was in big law, too. So I know exactly what it’s like. I most certainly would not have been able to make my billables and spend the time with my kids that I do now. Plus the stress would have definitely taken away from the enjoyment. Last minute client emergencies meant unexpected late nights and cancelled plans. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are only 24 hours in a day. Something has to give. I have three kids and work full-time but my job is somewhat flexible as long as it’s not during my 2 month busy period and even then I can take a couple planned days off. My DH works more hours than me but has no trouble working from home a few times a month. We have a full-time nanny.

I’m the kind of mom who likes to volunteer at school, throw birthday parties, attend karate and dance with the kids, cook and eat meals with my children. My DH is the sort of dad who wants to be at parent teacher conferences and pediatrician appointments with us. He is home for dinner and bedtime almost every night and just works again afterwards. We had three kids because we wanted to do these things. I personally can’t imagine not being an involved parent, and I do wonder why people keep having kids if they have no interest in the day to day parenting. 1 or 2 sure, but why 3+?

We both work in biglaw and we both do all the stuff you mention. What, do you think biglawyers don’t go to parent teacher conferences or plan their kids’ birthday parties? Honestly “big” jobs often have more hours flexibility. We chaperone field trips, have play dates with neighbors, attend dance/gymnastics not always but sometimes.

I was in big law, too. So I know exactly what it’s like. I most certainly would not have been able to make my billables and spend the time with my kids that I do now. Plus the stress would have definitely taken away from the enjoyment. Last minute client emergencies meant unexpected late nights and cancelled plans. No thanks.

I’m not offering you a job in biglaw lol. Just pointing out we also raise our own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Biglaw and big corporate exec with three. No travel for either job. With young children we used a FT nanny - for a period one live in and one live -out. Once weekly laundress/ seamstress, academic and music tutors come to the house. Cleaning service. Another service drops off family meals ready to eat 3 days/week. Dry cleaners pick up and drop off at our door. We deliberately did not have a social life outside if the kids for years. I don't know how people manage to keep things going if there is work travel.

So, with two nannies, and tutors, how much time are you really spending with your kids per day?