81 year old mother doesn't shower

[Anonymous]

My mother lives in FL. I usually visit 5 long weekends a year. I have my own bathroom there so don't pay attention to towel usage etc. She came and stayed with us from a Tuesday through Sunday and didn't shower once. She doesn't smell bad or pile on perfume, but I can't imagine its healthy to go that long. I know she washes her face and applies a little fresh make up. Her hair and clothing look nice. Her skin doesn't look terribly dry that she is avoiding it. How can I approach this without making her uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

^^I know she didn't shower because her towels were still clean and folded in the bedroom when I cleaned up her room.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to approach her if she doesn’t smell and looks presentable? It’s not uncommon for older people to shower one or two times a week because their bodies don’t generally sweat anymore or get oily.

Also, does the bathroom she uses at your house have a tub or walk in shower?

[Anonymous]

Some old people don’t shower often because they are afraid to slip and fall in the bathroom. They want to avoid accidents and stay healthy so they don’t become a burden to family.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she didn't use the towel? My MIL is so pathologically polite that she would perfectly fold up and stack her used towel and washcloth to be tidy.

[Anonymous]

Is your bathroom equipped with a walk-in shower, non-slip shower floor, grab bars, etc.? She might not have felt safe in your shower and didn't want to make you uncomfortable by commenting on the inadequacy of your bathroom for her needs.

[Anonymous]

We force our mom to shower ever 3 days. She bargains with us, but it's needed. She's 94 though and does smell by day 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to approach her if she doesn’t smell and looks presentable? It’s not uncommon for older people to shower one or two times a week because their bodies don’t generally sweat anymore or get oily.

Also, does the bathroom she uses at your house have a tub or walk in shower?

Old people like to say this. Sweat isn't the only thing that smells.

[Anonymous]

My Dad is 91 and doesn't shower often (about every ten days). He doesn't really smell bad - I think he is pretty meticulous about changing his clothes, and applying deodorant/antiperspirant, brushing his teeth, etc. He won't admit it, but I'm sure he is a. afraid of falling and b. gets cold so easily that getting out of the shower and drying off is torture. I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to say that it's not that out of the ordinary for an older person to have hygiene issues.

[Anonymous]

This is my MIL. It grosses me out but honestly she doesn’t smell so I just let it go. But I make fun of her in my head which at least keeps me amused.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised you all are saying that the elderly don't smell. I mean this kindly, but many have incontinence issues and smell very bad. Showers are needed every 3rd day at a minimum. I agree that BO is not that big of an issue for them, it's more a crotch rot smell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother lives in FL. I usually visit 5 long weekends a year. I have my own bathroom there so don't pay attention to towel usage etc. She came and stayed with us from a Tuesday through Sunday and didn't shower once. She doesn't smell bad or pile on perfume, but I can't imagine its healthy to go that long. I know she washes her face and applies a little fresh make up. Her hair and clothing look nice. Her skin doesn't look terribly dry that she is avoiding it. How can I approach this without making her uncomfortable?

Her skin may not be terribly dry because she is not showering more often. If she doesn't smell, then she is cleaning herself enough. Does she use wet wipes? She may do a light sponge bath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she doesn't smell, then she is cleaning herself enough.

This. Leave her be.

[Anonymous]

My mother hasn't showered in years. Decades. I remember her showering when I was 3 or 4. I literally NEVER remember her showering when I was in middle or high school. I've never seen her with wet hair. My brother and I have discussed this.

She smells. Whatever she's doing is not enough. It's why I stopped hugging her.

[Anonymous]

Once a week is fine, OP.