81 year old mother doesn't shower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some old people don’t shower often because they are afraid to slip and fall in the bathroom. They want to avoid accidents and stay healthy so they don’t become a burden to family.

^^Exactly. I now help my dad with showering b/c he was afraid to do it by himself and didn't want to ask for help. Now he does it once a week as long as I help him getting in/out.

[Anonymous]

My mom suffered from claustrophobia along with the fear of falling. She washed up best she could at the sink.

[Anonymous]

We finally hired somebody to help her once a week.

Ends up she is afraid of falling so this person is there to make sure that does not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you all are saying that the elderly don't smell. I mean this kindly, but many have incontinence issues and smell very bad. Showers are needed every 3rd day at a minimum. I agree that BO is not that big of an issue for them, it's more a crotch rot smell.

They can wash their bits with a washcloth using the sink. For those that don’t and have bathroom issues, yes agree that is gross. But as OP said, her mother doesn’t smell. So she is doing something to keep odors away.

[Anonymous]

My husband drives to my Dads house on M W F nights to sit on the toilet and just be there in case he falls. He helps him get in and out of the shower. We have an elderly friendly shower with attachments but he still needs to extra pair of hands. He would have never asked so my husband just start doing it and he eventually gave in. He doesn't have a son and was too old school to let us help so I really appreciate my husband doing this. I bet your mom has a fear of falling. The social worker we used when my mom was in rehab (since passed) mentioned that lots of time this anxiety occurs AFTER a fall the are too embarrassed or shy to tell people about so from what point on the really start avoiding it.

[Anonymous]

Showering is one way to bathe. Running the bath water and sitting in the tub or on the side of the tube with and doing a sponge bath can hold you over for some time.

[Anonymous]

She may use a washcloth to clean certain "zones" of her body, which is almost as good as a shower if done correctly. As long as she doesn't smell you should refrain from saying anything. Americans bathe far more than any culture except Japanese.

[Anonymous]

Most people didn't bathe more than once a week in my grandparents generation, when water had to be hauled manually into the house and heated on the stovetop. They didn't smell. They took sponge baths. Don't be so snotty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Showering is one way to bathe. Running the bath water and sitting in the tub or on the side of the tube with and doing a sponge bath can hold you over for some time.

It's really hard to sit down and stand up from the floor, and it's scary to worry about falling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother lives in FL. I usually visit 5 long weekends a year. I have my own bathroom there so don't pay attention to towel usage etc. She came and stayed with us from a Tuesday through Sunday and didn't shower once. She doesn't smell bad or pile on perfume, but I can't imagine its healthy to go that long. I know she washes her face and applies a little fresh make up. Her hair and clothing look nice. Her skin doesn't look terribly dry that she is avoiding it. How can I approach this without making her uncomfortable?

Her skin may not be terribly dry because she is not showering more often. If she doesn't smell, then she is cleaning herself enough. Does she use wet wipes? She may do a light sponge bath.

+1 It probably is more dangerous for her to get in and out of a tub shower than it is for her to NOT shower but clean herself by sponge bath. If it worries you then you could ask if there is anything you can do to make the guest bathroom better? Tell her you want it to be nice and you would like her opinion. Don't tell her that you're judging her because you think she didn't use the towels. Ask her if you should put in handrails, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you all are saying that the elderly don't smell. I mean this kindly, but many have incontinence issues and smell very bad. Showers are needed every 3rd day at a minimum. I agree that BO is not that big of an issue for them, it's more a crotch rot smell.

Op clearly said that she did not smell. Maybe she brought wipes and uses those. As others pointed out it could be a safety issue. I have found my parents avoid showering at our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband drives to my Dads house on M W F nights to sit on the toilet and just be there in case he falls. He helps him get in and out of the shower. We have an elderly friendly shower with attachments but he still needs to extra pair of hands. He would have never asked so my husband just start doing it and he eventually gave in. He doesn't have a son and was too old school to let us help so I really appreciate my husband doing this. I bet your mom has a fear of falling. The social worker we used when my mom was in rehab (since passed) mentioned that lots of time this anxiety occurs AFTER a fall the are too embarrassed or shy to tell people about so from what point on the really start avoiding it.

That is really nice of your husband. You have a keeper there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you all are saying that the elderly don't smell. I mean this kindly, but many have incontinence issues and smell very bad. Showers are needed every 3rd day at a minimum. I agree that BO is not that big of an issue for them, it's more a crotch rot smell.

Op clearly said that she did not smell. [i]Maybe she brought wipes and uses those. [b] As others pointed out it could be a safety issue. I have found my parents avoid showering at our house.

OP here. Thank you everyone who responded. Reading this response triggered something. The day she was leaving, she brought the bag from the waste basket in her BR downstairs and said she was going to bring it out to the garage. I told her to just leave it in the kitchen and I would bring it out when we went to the car. She put it in a shopping bag I had next to the bin instead of leaving on the floor next to it, and grabbed it before we left and put it in the trash herself. Maybe it was full of wipes. I feel kind of better now and will also take the advice from other PPs about adding hand rails in her BR. Again, thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother hasn't showered in years. Decades. I remember her showering when I was 3 or 4. I literally NEVER remember her showering when I was in middle or high school. I've never seen her with wet hair. My brother and I have discussed this.

She smells. Whatever she's doing is not enough. It's why I stopped hugging her.

I find it scary, PP. It's one thing when a old person avoids showering, it might be physically challenging for them, for whatever reason, but a young-ish woman. Did your mother ever work outside of home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you all are saying that the elderly don't smell. I mean this kindly, but many have incontinence issues and smell very bad. Showers are needed every 3rd day at a minimum. I agree that BO is not that big of an issue for them, it's more a crotch rot smell.

Op clearly said that she did not smell. [i]Maybe she brought wipes and uses those. [b] As others pointed out it could be a safety issue. I have found my parents avoid showering at our house.

OP here. Thank you everyone who responded. Reading this response triggered something. The day she was leaving, she brought the bag from the waste basket in her BR downstairs and said she was going to bring it out to the garage. I told her to just leave it in the kitchen and I would bring it out when we went to the car. She put it in a shopping bag I had next to the bin instead of leaving on the floor next to it, and grabbed it before we left and put it in the trash herself. Maybe it was full of wipes. I feel kind of better now and will also take the advice from other PPs about adding hand rails in her BR. Again, thank you!

She may also were depends or something like them and would rather no one knows.