81 year old mother doesn't shower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband drives to my Dads house on M W F nights to sit on the toilet and just be there in case he falls. He helps him get in and out of the shower. We have an elderly friendly shower with attachments but he still needs to extra pair of hands. He would have never asked so my husband just start doing it and he eventually gave in. He doesn't have a son and was too old school to let us help so I really appreciate my husband doing this. I bet your mom has a fear of falling. The social worker we used when my mom was in rehab (since passed) mentioned that lots of time this anxiety occurs AFTER a fall the are too embarrassed or shy to tell people about so from what point on the really start avoiding it.

That is really nice of your husband. You have a keeper there!

+1 I've been thinking about this all day. What a wonderful man you married, first PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you all are saying that the elderly don't smell. I mean this kindly, but many have incontinence issues and smell very bad. Showers are needed every 3rd day at a minimum. I agree that BO is not that big of an issue for them, it's more a crotch rot smell.

Op clearly said that she did not smell. [i]Maybe she brought wipes and uses those. As others pointed out it could be a safety issue. I have found my parents avoid showering at our house.

OP here. Thank you everyone who responded. Reading this response triggered something. The day she was leaving, she brought the bag from the waste basket in her BR downstairs and said she was going to bring it out to the garage. I told her to just leave it in the kitchen and I would bring it out when we went to the car. She put it in a shopping bag I had next to the bin instead of leaving on the floor next to it, and grabbed it before we left and put it in the trash herself. Maybe it was full of wipes. I feel kind of better now and will also take the advice from other PPs about [b]adding hand rails in her BR. Again, thank you!

Good for you! It actually is pretty easy to do. If you or your husband aren't handy then you can get a handyman to do it pretty easily. We bought ours online and then had someone install them for us in the bathrooms used by my FIL who lives with us. I think you're right that your mom probably had wipes or maybe even some Depends or something. She sounds sweet!

[Anonymous]

My 65 year old MIL might shower once/week. She barely moves, so she doesn't sweat. She has dry skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 65 year old MIL might shower once/week. She barely moves, so she doesn't sweat. She has dry skin.

65 isn't really all that old. The 65 year olds I know have no trouble getting in and out of a tub or shower stall.

Does she have health problems that make it difficult for her to bathe?

[Anonymous]

Just get the hand rails, OP. They can be very convenient. Our house had them when we moved in, and we just left them. I injured my knee shortly after that and was very glad to have them as it made sitting down much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to approach her if she doesn’t smell and looks presentable? It’s not uncommon for older people to shower one or two times a week because their bodies don’t generally sweat anymore or get oily.

Also, does the bathroom she uses at your house have a tub or walk in shower?

Old people like to say this. Sweat isn't the only thing that smells.

My mother is not 80+. But she does not smell. Seriously. She could go days without showering and be fine. At this age she wouldn't, but I'd probably never know. I agree, though, if your mom is presentable, and doesn't smell, what is the issue here?

Maybe she brings wipes and wipes down her underarms and booty on a regular basis?

Why don't you ask her if she feels safe in your bathroom. The point about slipping and falling is a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We finally hired somebody to help her once a week.

Ends up she is afraid of falling so this person is there to make sure that does not happen.

This...my grandma gets around fine and walks just fine but is afraid of falling in the shower/tub (she knows a lot of seniors who have broken things that way). So she now has an aide that comes by Monday to Thursday (her kids are around on the weekends) that basically is there to help give her peace of mind while she does things like shower and accompany her when she goes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband drives to my Dads house on M W F nights to sit on the toilet and just be there in case he falls. He helps him get in and out of the shower. We have an elderly friendly shower with attachments but he still needs to extra pair of hands. He would have never asked so my husband just start doing it and he eventually gave in. He doesn't have a son and was too old school to let us help so I really appreciate my husband doing this. I bet your mom has a fear of falling. The social worker we used when my mom was in rehab (since passed) mentioned that lots of time this anxiety occurs AFTER a fall the are too embarrassed or shy to tell people about so from what point on the really start avoiding it.

The anxiety can also happen if someone close to them fell. PP here with the grandmother who has an aide--she lives in a 55 plus active living type apartment building but she's seen her friends really decline or have to move out to nursing homes after falls in the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

maybe she's not comfortable leaving laundry for you and did the laundry while you were out so it looks like she didn't use anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to approach her if she doesn’t smell and looks presentable? It’s not uncommon for older people to shower one or two times a week because their bodies don’t generally sweat anymore or get oily.

Also, does the bathroom she uses at your house have a tub or walk in shower?

Old people like to say this. Sweat isn't the only thing that smells.

X10000

[Anonymous]

Look through the trash and figure out what’s going on, OP.

[Anonymous]

My mom was used to full tub baths all her adult life, when those became not possible and she was living with either my sister or me we used a plastic lawn chair in the tub, with a hand-held shower. She scared me a few times at my house because I had old cast iron enamel clawfoot tubs, and by golly if she didn't get herself in a few times instead of calling for me like our routine had become.


Incidentally: I had to redo bathrooms a couple of years ago for other reasons, but I got rid of the clawfoot tubs. Reason? 10 years ago I was painting one of the bathrooms, was in a hurry to finish one last corner, did some shortcuts setting up the ladder, fell on my wrist and shattered it on that unforgiving surface. As much as I love that kind of look, I decided the things were damned dangerous.