How to convince husband I am serious about divorce

[Anonymous]

I want a divorce. I am exhausted from a really disappointing 5 year marriage with no kids, and I want things to unwind as simply as possible. We just bought a house in July using my pre-marital money as a down payment. DH does not contest this and agrees that since we have paid only a few mortgage payments as a couple that he has no problem walking away from the house. I want him to leave the house, but he won't leave. Currently he is sleeping in the guest room. He does not believe I am serious about wanting a divorce.

Neither one of us wants to spend money on attorneys fees and we more or less agree to how we will divide assets. It's not very complicated without kids and separate retirement accounts.

What do I do next?

[Anonymous]

You contradicted yourself; you said he has no problem walking away from the house and that he won’t leave the house.

[Anonymous]

I’d see an attorney and let him know you are doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You contradicted yourself; you said he has no problem walking away from the house and that he won’t leave the house.

Well, he says that he has no problem in the event of a divorce financially walking away from the house. But he won't leave the house and accept that I want a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Then meet with a lawyer and get the ball rolling.

[Anonymous]

File papers and serve him.

[Anonymous]

Don’t know where you are but there is a minimum 6 month separation period in MD or VA. You can’t kick him out of his own house if he doesn’t want to leave (doesn’t matter whose money was used for down payment - presume he’s on the title). You will either have to leave yourself and fight it out, or get him to sign a separation agreement making it attractive for him to leave. But only a lawyer can advise you on how to go about this properly given that you cannot convince him yourself.

[Anonymous]

Just get a lawyer. You are not serious if you won't leave and won't hire a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just get a lawyer. You are not serious if you won't leave and won't hire a lawyer.

+1. Also, divorce doesn't have to be really expensive if you guys are more or less in agreement about how to divide the assets. Having a lawyer draft up the documentation and file the paperwork won't cost much IF you guys are generally in agreement.

[Anonymous]

Talk doesn’t cook rice. Get a lawyer and figure out with their help how to get this ball rolling.

[Anonymous]

Stop letting him help pay the mortgage. See a divorce lawyer. Try to get him to sign a separation agreement while he’s still feeling cooperative. How will he be financially after you separate? Why is he in the guest room? He thinks it will blow over or it’s inertia but he knows it’s over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want a divorce. I am exhausted from a really disappointing 5 year marriage with no kids, and I want things to unwind as simply as possible. We just bought a house in July using my pre-marital money as a down payment. DH does not contest this and agrees that since we have paid only a few mortgage payments as a couple that he has no problem walking away from the house. I want him to leave the house, but he won't leave. Currently he is sleeping in the guest room. He does not believe I am serious about wanting a divorce.

Neither one of us wants to spend money on attorneys fees and we more or less agree to how we will divide assets. It's not very complicated without kids and separate retirement accounts.

What do I do next?

Boy, that was dumb. You owe him half now. Just get a lawyer and get things started. No divorce is easy - it will take at least a year.

[Anonymous]

You don't sound serious to me. If you are, spending the $500 bucks for a lawyer will make it apparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want a divorce. I am exhausted from a really disappointing 5 year marriage with no kids, and I want things to unwind as simply as possible. We just bought a house in July using my pre-marital money as a down payment. DH does not contest this and agrees that since we have paid only a few mortgage payments as a couple that he has no problem walking away from the house. I want him to leave the house, but he won't leave. Currently he is sleeping in the guest room. He does not believe I am serious about wanting a divorce.

Neither one of us wants to spend money on attorneys fees and we more or less agree to how we will divide assets. It's not very complicated without kids and separate retirement accounts.

What do I do next?

The year clock doesn’t start ticking until you separate. Since he won’t do it you need a professional to help.
You owe him half of the house equity and if your retirement account is more than his you owe him half of that amount.

You can start with a lawyer and then move to a mediator. If you agree on things you can continue with mediation. If not you will need a lawyer to do things.

[Anonymous]

I had a smiler situation. I had to refinance the house into my name only. I told ex that if we were to sell the house, it would actually cost him money (which was true). You need to talk to a lawyer if you are serious.
Mediation will be much cheaper. If you are in Arlington (or VA) try Bean Kinney Korman. I think that I paid a $3k retainer, but got back about $1500 which we didn't use. We only met with them once. Or if you know a family lawyer, have them draw up a separation agreement. You should each have a different lawyer review it.

- you each keep what you brought into marriage
- split checking accounts
- who gets which car
- no spousal support
- who gets what household items -
- any heirlooms to be returned
etc

The mediator will sit with you both and see if you both agree. If you both do, then you will need a lawyer to file the paperwork if you are the one asking for divorce. I don't think that my ex ever had a lawyer, and he didn't even show up in court for the actual divorce.

If VA, since you have no kids, you will have to be separated for 6 months before you can get on the docket for the divorce proceedings. All in, it took me about a year to be officially divorced.