I started paying my kids for good grades, but now I want to stop

[Anonymous]

Flame me if you must, but I was desperate two years ago. My kids had no motivation to do well and got horrific grades (even a B in PE, Cs abd Ds in everything else), so I resorted to paying them for every A they got on a test. That seemed cheaper than the tutors and more peaceful than the yelling about completing homework and tasks. Overnight, they started to get a ton of As. One child is a straight A student and the other is likely to get there too. (ages 13, 14 now).
How do I gently let them down? I simply can't afford to keep paying them, plus the values are out of whack.
I am thinking of telling them that the A money was simply to show them that they could do better. Now, I know that they can do well, so I expect good results?

[Anonymous]

What you said is great - tell them you can't afford it and now you know that they can do it.

Other thing you can do is increase privileges - as in, hey, you have shown me how responsible you are with your schoolwork now, since I don't have to nag you about it you can also do X. (And X can be taken away if grades take a nosedive.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you said is great - tell them you can't afford it and now you know that they can do it.

Other thing you can do is increase privileges - as in, hey, you have shown me how responsible you are with your schoolwork now, since I don't have to nag you about it you can also do X. (And X can be taken away if grades take a nosedive.)

Great idea. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

It's still cheaper than a tutor, right?

My grandfather used to pay me for the As I'd have gotten anyway, but only on actual report cards.

You could also start talking up college more, or maybe more specifically, and put the money you'd pay them in a fund that will be their spending money for college in a few years, or if you really can't afford it, put it in their college savings accounts.

[Anonymous]

Have you sat them down and talked to them about why they made the change, if they feel better and more proud, if they see that these grades give them a brighter future? Maybe talk about how to direct resources toward their own goals (eg SAT tutoring)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you sat them down and talked to them about why they made the change, if they feel better and more proud, if they see that these grades give them a brighter future? Maybe talk about how to direct resources toward their own goals (eg SAT tutoring)?

Another good idea.

[Anonymous]

I don't really see that the values are out of whack, either. The point of good grades is learning, of course, but they were learning plenty before, they just were performing poorly because they didn't care much about the actual work. So the point of performing well is to develop a good work ethic and get into a good college, so that they can be well-rounded, but also self-sufficient, right? So the end goal is still wrapped up in being paid for good grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's still cheaper than a tutor, right?

My grandfather used to pay me for the As I'd have gotten anyway, but only on actual report cards.

You could also start talking up college more, or maybe more specifically, and put the money you'd pay them in a fund that will be their spending money for college in a few years, or if you really can't afford it, put it in their college savings accounts.

Did the payments from your grandfather motivate you? Did you feel pressure? I wonder if these things can send the wrong message.

[Anonymous]

What are you paying them for each A they get?

[Anonymous]

If you are going to pay for grades, pay for the final ones, not per test.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would figure out a way to keep paying them. Not everyone is internally motivated to get good grades. Some kids need the extra motivation. The money is helping them develop good study skills. A tutor would be so, so much more expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would figure out a way to keep paying them. Not everyone is internally motivated to get good grades. Some kids need the extra motivation. The money is helping them develop good study skills. A tutor would be so, so much more expensive.

I would not. OP says she can't afford it and they do not need a tutor. They need to buckle down and do their work, which they are capable of doing.

[Anonymous]

Pay for each 9 week grading period. OP, this isn't a bad problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you paying them for each A they get?

OP here. It is embarrassing. It was $10 an A!!! I know that it is ridiculous, but I honestly didn't think they were capable. I saw only one or two low As per marking period before the deal. Now, we owe my son $300 for this marking period alone. My daughter is due more than that, she squeezes out As now like she is printing money.

[Anonymous]

Agree - move to paying for end of semester grades or if there is some way to reward effort. Is there a responsibility they are about to earn (more electronics time, phone, special hobby, stay up later on weekends)? Maybe you can give that a little early since they have proven they are responsible.

Also agree with still paying them something if possible vs. Paying a tutor, which unless you are paying your kids $100 hour is far, far less. It won’t last forever - I used to pay my kids in chocolate treats for potty training and also for going to bed and staying in bed without a fuss - neither of those things has lasted of course.