I started paying my kids for good grades, but now I want to stop

[Anonymous]

Ok wow! That is a lot of $. That aside, still cheaper than a tutor. Think of it as a trade for college merit pay someday!

I would shift to end of semester grades.

Good problem to have tho!

[Anonymous]

Here’s another idea (tho others above are also good): instead of paying per result, start at a baseline you’re willing to pay per marking period and deduct $10 now for each non-A.

[Anonymous]

Why pay them to do things they should be doing? There are people who pay their kids to make their beds, clean their rooms etc.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think values are out of wack.

This is how the real world works. You get paid for performance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you paying them for each A they get?

OP here. It is embarrassing. It was $10 an A!!! I know that it is ridiculous, but I honestly didn't think they were capable. I saw only one or two low As per marking period before the deal. Now, we owe my son $300 for this marking period alone. My daughter is due more than that, she squeezes out As now like she is printing money.

Ha ha ha! That's hilarious!

You have great kids, OP. When they're out of the house, you'll look back on this period fondly. Good job fixing the initial problem

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a good problem to have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree - move to paying for end of semester grades or if there is some way to reward effort. Is there a responsibility they are about to earn (more electronics time, phone, special hobby, stay up later on weekends)? Maybe you can give that a little early since they have proven they are responsible.

Also agree with still paying them something if possible vs. Paying a tutor, which unless you are paying your kids $100 hour is far, far less. It won’t last forever - I used to pay my kids in chocolate treats for potty training and also for going to bed and staying in bed without a fuss - neither of those things has lasted of course.

The tutors were $50-$100 an hour. My teacher friend suggests only paying for high As since they are just studying enough to squeak out the A. I like the idea of waiting until the end of the semester. I tried that initially, but that gratification was too delayed for them so they lost interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you paying them for each A they get?

OP here. It is embarrassing. It was $10 an A!!! I know that it is ridiculous, but I honestly didn't think they were capable. I saw only one or two low As per marking period before the deal. Now, we owe my son $300 for this marking period alone. My daughter is due more than that, she squeezes out As now like she is printing money.

If you didn't think they were capable, why were you paying them? I pay my son for the grades on his report card so it's three times per year (he has trimesters). If I didn't think he was capable, money wouldn't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you paying them for each A they get?

OP here. It is embarrassing. It was $10 an A!!! I know that it is ridiculous, but I honestly didn't think they were capable. I saw only one or two low As per marking period before the deal. Now, we owe my son $300 for this marking period alone. My daughter is due more than that, she squeezes out As now like she is printing money.

If you didn't think they were capable, why were you paying them? I pay my son for the grades on his report card so it's three times per year (he has trimesters). If I didn't think he was capable, money wouldn't help.

I blurted it out once in the car and thought nothing of it. I didn't realize how it caught their attention.

[Anonymous]

$10 for an A is dirt cheap. If a grade problem can be fixed so easily, I say OP you keep paying them. You need to buy them stuff or give allowance anyway. Just cut the spending on them sometimes and let them pay. I know many are against the idea, but it's not much different from a performance bonus. Why change if it works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's still cheaper than a tutor, right?

My grandfather used to pay me for the As I'd have gotten anyway, but only on actual report cards.

You could also start talking up college more, or maybe more specifically, and put the money you'd pay them in a fund that will be their spending money for college in a few years, or if you really can't afford it, put it in their college savings accounts.

Did the payments from your grandfather motivate you? Did you feel pressure? I wonder if these things can send the wrong message.

Neither. But I made As. That was my talent as a kid. He probably should have paid me to pick up and stick with a sport. That's where I needed external motivation.

[Anonymous]

Say that they're old enough to start thinking about college, especially now that they're doing so well in school, so half (or some other portion) of the money will now be going into college savings for them.

[Anonymous]

I'd ease them off. Switch to paying per grading period. That way they still have the incentive, but it's not as immediate. Then, after a year or two of that, if you need to tone it down still further, you can do semester and end of year.

I do per grading period, a flat amount for making honor roll. But I offer to double it if they make honor roll every quarter. So there's the immediate incentive, and even if they don't get it in the first or second quarter, there's an incentive to keep trying. But if they do make honor roll, there's a huge incentive to keep the work up because if they can manage it for all 4 quarters, they've doubled their money.

It might also help to tie a certain behavior to a certain grade. E.g. you pay for individual grades through elementary school, then by the quarter system through middle, and the semester system for high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd ease them off. Switch to paying per grading period. That way they still have the incentive, but it's not as immediate. Then, after a year or two of that, if you need to tone it down still further, you can do semester and end of year.

I do per grading period, a flat amount for making honor roll. But I offer to double it if they make honor roll every quarter. So there's the immediate incentive, and even if they don't get it in the first or second quarter, there's an incentive to keep trying. But if they do make honor roll, there's a huge incentive to keep the work up because if they can manage it for all 4 quarters, they've doubled their money.

It might also help to tie a certain behavior to a certain grade. E.g. you pay for individual grades through elementary school, then by the quarter system through middle, and the semester system for high school.

Good ideas in this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why pay them to do things they should be doing? There are people who pay their kids to make their beds, clean their rooms etc.

Not all kids are the same. I used to agree with you in theory, but in the real world, you have to work with what you have. It would be wonderful if every kid was intrinsically motivated to work to the best of their ability. If they aren’t, it’s all the more important that they develop good habits that will help them succeed.

My son is impervious to carrots and sticks and has been from a very young age. It’s just the way he is, so we do what we can to spark genuine interest and caring in his schoolwork. My daughter is completely different. She hates being told what to do, even by teachers. But that girl loves to earn a buck! In second grade, she started sneaking out to sell her toys and artwork to neighbors and passers by, reveling in whatever cash she came with.