DD not invited to big party this weekend

[Anonymous]

DD was one of a (very) few girls in her grade not invited to a classmate's Bat Mitzvah this weekend and I'm really happy that she was able to make lemonade out of lemons.

She made plans with a couple of the other girls who were not invited and they went out and had a fun time. DD hasn't talked about it much since she found out about it a couple of weeks ago but it is all over Instagram so I know it has to be on her mind. Tomorrow I'm sure that it will be a main topic of conversation at school and that many of those who attended will come to school wearing the sweatshirts.

Although a part of me wants to talk to DD about it, if she's been able to make peace with it I don't want her to feel like she should feel something that she doesn't feel (if that makes sense).

Thanks to Thanksgiving this will, fortunately, be a short school week and after Thanksgiving friends will be talking about other things. I'm proud of DD for not wallowing in not being included because it certainly will not be the last time it happens.

[Anonymous]

That's tough, OP. So glad your daughter is handling it well. Someone always gets excluded at some point.

[Anonymous]

Glad your daughter is being mature about the situation. This is one of the reasons why my 14yo does not have social media accounts.

[Anonymous]

Good for her! I hope she had a lot of fun with her friends.

As tempting as it is, I don't think I'd talk to her about it. She handled it very well and I'd leave it at that.

FWIW, my DS experienced something like this in MS. Excluded from a big party. I wish he had done the same as your DD as an alternative!

[Anonymous]

This happened to my DD a few years ago. That Monday her entire Girl Scout troop showed up in their matching bat mitzvah sweatshirts. She seemed to shrug it off and I didn’t want to project my own feelings so I didn’t bring it up later. But man I hate those shirt giveaways. It really rubs the uninvited kids noses in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD was one of a (very) few girls in her grade not invited to a classmate's Bat Mitzvah this weekend and I'm really happy that she was able to make lemonade out of lemons.

She made plans with a couple of the other girls who were not invited and they went out and had a fun time. DD hasn't talked about it much since she found out about it a couple of weeks ago but it is all over Instagram so I know it has to be on her mind. Tomorrow I'm sure that it will be a main topic of conversation at school and that many of those who attended will come to school wearing the sweatshirts.

Although a part of me wants to talk to DD about it, if she's been able to make peace with it I don't want her to feel like she should feel something that she doesn't feel (if that makes sense).

Thanks to Thanksgiving this will, fortunately, be a short school week and after Thanksgiving friends will be talking about other things. I'm proud of DD for not wallowing in not being included because it certainly will not be the last time it happens.

Tilden MS?

[Anonymous]

OP here again- Many thanks to you all for your replies.

12:51- I completely agree. This weekend would have been easier for DD without IG.

13:15- Yes, as much as I want to ask her about it, I think it would be a selfish move. I'm very curious about her thoughts but if her head is in a good place then I'd like it to stay there.

14:42- No, an area private school. Some things are (unfortunately) universal.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is awesome OP! As a Jew, I am pretty disgusted with what the bar mitzvah scene has turned into. Back when I had one it was about the service, family-especially the elderly and with friends-I invited EVERYONE in my class. My parents kept the food for kids low budget, but felt it was not right to exclude. Now it is getting so obnoxious-who's in who's not, over the top parties for over-indulged kids and then shirts to rub it in to anyone NOT invited.

[Anonymous]

Be happy- it is fortunate that she has other friends to do stuff with. My DD doesn't really seem to have any friends... let alone party invites.

[Anonymous]

Who does this??

[Anonymous]

We went through this. I actually agree with the PP that the whole Bar/Bat party has turned things into something that it shouldn't be. I am jewish and had a bat and it was very much a faith commitment ceremony, and there was much more effort to make the party a family one and while I invited friends, I didn't exclude anyone. It was a modest affair.

We are a multi-faith household (Muslim/Jewish) and my oldest DD was excluded from these parties like OP's kid. The best thing is to just keep it moving. I wouldn't want to go to a party unless I was really wanted there. But I also wouldn't be friends with people who wanted to exclude me. This lesson has been very, very instructive.

[Anonymous]

Why do parents let their kids exclude other children in their class? It's so tacky and shitty. Just extend the invitation and be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my DD a few years ago. That Monday her entire Girl Scout troop showed up in their matching bat mitzvah sweatshirts. She seemed to shrug it off and I didn’t want to project my own feelings so I didn’t bring it up later. But man I hate those shirt giveaways. It really rubs the uninvited kids noses in it.

gross behavior. many girl.scout troops are clquey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's tough, OP. So glad your daughter is handling it well. Someone always gets excluded at some point.

+1

OP, parents often feel much, much worse than DC about this type of thing. Good on you and your DD for knowing the perfect way to handle it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went through this. I actually agree with the PP that the whole Bar/Bat party has turned things into something that it shouldn't be. I am jewish and had a bat and it was very much a faith commitment ceremony, and there was much more effort to make the party a family one and while I invited friends, I didn't exclude anyone. It was a modest affair.

We are a multi-faith household (Muslim/Jewish) and my oldest DD was excluded from these parties like OP's kid. The best thing is to just keep it moving. I wouldn't want to go to a party unless I was really wanted there. But I also wouldn't be friends with people who wanted to exclude me. This lesson has been very, very instructive.

x100000

EXACTLY THIS.

Mitzvahs are turning into weddings, practically! It is more a show than anything.