How to respond?: Six year old told me that she wished I was dead

[Anonymous]

She wanted to wear sun glasses to school, and I told her no.

She said I am the meanest mother in the world, and she wishes I was dead. she told me liked her daddy better, and it would be better when he is the only one around.

I am not really bothered by this death wish(my older siblings said same to my mom when they were around this age), but I did not know how to respond. I just stayed queit. Should I have said something?

[Anonymous]

My kid does that sometimes. I've tried ignoring it. Now I tell him not to say mean things to [his mother, his brother, etc.] But I don't get hurt or angry.

[Anonymous]

I would say, "Well, that's not very nice and that hurts my feelings. That makes Mommy feel sad when you say things like that." To try to teach them that their words have consequences and mean something to other people.

[Anonymous]

One of our twins (5.5 years old) will say things like that sometimes when she's upset. She wishes she had a different family, I'm the meanest mom, etc. I just usually say it's not a nice thing to say and move on. I know she's just upset at that moment and just over-reacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say, "Well, that's not very nice and that hurts my feelings. That makes Mommy feel sad when you say things like that." To try to teach them that their words have consequences and mean something to other people.

NB It doesn't really hurt my feelings. But I am just using it for the teaching value.

[Anonymous]

I recall at a young age telling one of my parents that I hated them because of something they did/said that pissed me off. Their response was a very stern lecture on never using that type of language regardless of how angry or frustrated I felt, as it was rude and very hurtful and it's not how families are to speak to one and other.

I think something along those lines would have been an appropriate response. I would not have just let it go.

[Anonymous]

My 7 year old said kind of the same thing just last night. He would be torn if I died because he doesn't always like having me around but he also would be sad. (this was in the context of him telling me I am too strict and all his friends think I'm mean... I think because I haven't let him take enough Halloween candy in his lunch).

I told him that was great, if he doesn't like having me around I'll go out and do more fun stuff by myself in the evenings. (last year he gave me a really hard time whenever I went out because "we never spend any time together"). He got a good laugh out of that and that was that.

I pretty much ignore when he says stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

I ignore it. She’s trying to get a rise out of you. If she doesn’t, she won’t have reason to do it again.

[Anonymous]

Thanks guys. I think I was caught off guard because it was the first time she said it.

But DH and I will talk to her about it.

[Anonymous]

A bright "Well, sorry, but you're out of luck!" And then later, when she's not raging, a calm brief chat about better ways to express her anger

(Why didn't you want her to wear her sunglasses?)

[Anonymous]

OP, when my child was younger, I made her practice math facts (multiplication tables, if I remember correctly), and she was less than thrilled with that. So she told me she wanted Dad to divorce me so the two of them would move away and live in their own house happily ever after It was hard to keep a straight face but I told her somberly that, in case of a divorce, I'll still have joint custody and, despite her spending only half of the week with me, she'd have to study her math facts for twice as long as she does now to make up for lost time.

I don't think she quite got what 'joint custody' means, but she never brought up that creative idea again.

[Anonymous]

We’ve had this type of thing occasionally. Depending on the exact context I have done any one of: ignore it completely, do the talk about feelings/manners/etc, respond with a maybe but the answer is still no or that may be true but I’m still your mom and I still love you (that’s esp for my older one who would get annoyed I’m bringing up love when he is talking hate).

[Anonymous]

Normal - consider it that you are doing a great job as a parent and don't react.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP's...use it as a time to talk about what we can say next time to get feelings out without using the hurtful, unhelpful language.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the club! 7 Year DS says that to DW and me when we don't get him Pokemon cards that he loves. DW once even acted dead to make him happy