Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
On an iintuition that something off, I went on DH’a browser history and found work trip night where he googled happy ending massages on various sites, then google map record tracking how to get there from
His hotel address to one of the happy ending parlors. Later, porn sites. My DH has been deleting his browser history over past year after an incident in which I came across a happy ending massage website in VA area and called him out on it, and he’d said a friend had sent him the link and not his fault he clicked on it by accident. We have a baby. I love intimacy and have initiated over the past months but DH never does, and seems distracted .... Is a happy ending massage “cheating”? I am not going to call him out on it but filing it away for now. I have been faithful. He is traveling a lot for work and I generally have trusted him. Advice from others who have been there? I have not “let myself go” am in pre-pregnancy weigh and think I look good, have been working too at job.... I’m not sure his going on these websites is more a reflection of me, and more one of him.... Advice? Is this “cheating””? Is this something most guys do? What do I do next? I’m weirdly not devastated as he was caught in a emotional affair two years ago and have already gone through all that.... I’m practically trying to just keep my act together right and and decide later why to do once I’m well-rested and baby is at least in school.... |
Anonymous
|
Yes, another woman touching your husband in a sexual way, or him touching her in a sexual way, is cheating.
This plus an emotional affair? YES, you've got an incurable cheater on your hands. Your choices are: 1) Counseling and find a way to make peace with it, knowing that it may happen again. 2) Divorce. And by the way, women who gain a bit of weight and maybe don't get their hair colored as often as they "should" don't DESERVE to be cheated on, OP. Stop with your "but *I* didn't 'let myself go'" narrative. |
Anonymous
|
It is up to you to determine if it is cheating or not. Have you talked about it with spouse? Obviously HE thinks it is cheating, or he wouldn't be hiding it. Since he's hiding it, I would think that you probably also think it is cheating.
Basically, it is somebody else getting your DH off. For money. Is that cheating to you? It is to me. But, you know, that's me. No, this is not something most guys do (I mean, I don't know ANY guys who get massages, happy ending or not). Porn and websites aren't cheating to me, but again, that's up to you. Document your evidence (screen shots, browser history, etc). Figure out what you want to do. Do. |
Anonymous
| Yes, that is cheating. Document what you've seen before confronting him. |
Anonymous
|
OP here thanks. Sorry about the didn’t let myself go narrative I just hear it said so many times on DCUM about the woman withholding sex or letting herself goand therefor deserving this .... so just wanted to preempt that....
Appreciate other insights of what is “normal” |
Anonymous
+1 to all this |
Anonymous
|
Not only is he cheating, but he's taking advantage of an impoverished, disadvantaged woman.
Consensual sex cheating between two adults is bad enough; your husband is perpetuating a sytem that not only harms and victimizes women, but CHILDREN, too. I find this to be 500X more despicable than two consenting adults. The type of ILLEGAL "service" he used is deeply enmeshed with human trafficking. Think about that when you look at your baby. |
Anonymous
|
Op here - what is the mindset of the cheater? Do they
Do this just for entitlement/privilege purposes? Is it like rape where it’s not a sex thing but a power thing? Like to make him feel powerful in this relationship? (I pitearn him by a lot, although he works 3x more hours than me, so wonder if this emasculates him?) and thrrefor the cheating? I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with drama right now - I plus mourning the death of relative right now - I just can’t deal - I feel like I want to come out of this financially and emotionally well—- I am even tempted just to ask him what he think is about an open marriage? Hard stop. No accusations...... |
Anonymous
| He cheats. He lies. He’s sneaky. What you do with that information is up to you. Sorry, OP. |
Anonymous
| Op here-oh god I want to throw up reading the trafficking f post you are so right that is terrible |
Anonymous
This. I would be more forgiving of a ONS with a consenting coworker. Do you really think this woman (or child) willing and happily jerked him off? |
Anonymous
| Stop having sex with him. Major STD risk. |
Anonymous
| Looking up websites and following through are 2 different things. Can you check credit card receipts or cash withdrawls? |
Anonymous
No STDs possible from hands at the massage parlor but I don't know what else he has done In my opinion a happy ending is less serious than an affair |
Anonymous
I’m sorry but that’s not true. Just because they are branded as “massage” doesn’t mean they can’t upgrade. My best friend from college is a former sex worker, and she even took me to a “massage” site (not during hours of operation). |