DH is depressed with anxiety

[Anonymous]

And he is reluctant to get help. Would meds really change him (re: his job, etc.)? I see it in his family, and it is heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Medication, therapy, and family/friends support is critical. But, he has to agree to treatment for it to work. Start small, with getting him agree to at least a physical, and see what comes of it. Talk to his Dr about the changes in his behavior and see what kind of referrals you can get. In the meantime, do some research on what your insurance would/not cover, and take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Medication, therapy, and family/friends support is critical. But, he has to agree to treatment for it to work. Start small, with getting him agree to at least a physical, and see what comes of it. Talk to his Dr about the changes in his behavior and see what kind of referrals you can get. In the meantime, do some research on what your insurance would/not cover, and take care of yourself.

We don't have coverage for therapy. Now what?

[Anonymous]

See what’s available in your community. Often a graduate school will have a clinic for students to see patients, under the supervision of a fully-licensed professional. Students get training and patients get free/reduced cost counseling. Many people also like using anxiety apps on their phone - you can crack in when you need to and it’s private. Your doctor may also have resources for free/low cost counseling services. Just start with the physical and go from there. Therapy and medicine work best in concert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And he is reluctant to get help. Would meds really change him (re: his job, etc.)? I see it in his family, and it is heartbreaking.

What does he say about why he is reluctant to get help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medication, therapy, and family/friends support is critical. But, he has to agree to treatment for it to work. Start small, with getting him agree to at least a physical, and see what comes of it. Talk to his Dr about the changes in his behavior and see what kind of referrals you can get. In the meantime, do some research on what your insurance would/not cover, and take care of yourself.

We don't have coverage for therapy. Now what?

Therapy is paramount in this situation. I've been broke as hell and am so thankful that I did whatever I had to during that time to get the therapy I needed. It took me a few years to climb out of a deep hole, and I'll always need to work on it, but I would have just descended without therapy to help with the slow climb. He HAS to get the tools and probably medication he needs.

Some therapists will have a sliding scale. Some will have a rate of about $100/appointment without insurance, and just look at your budget and figure out how many times a month you can swing that. Even if it's 1x/month, it's worth it. Even if you have to give up some other things in the meanwhile, it's worth it. It has to be prioritized over everything else until he's stabilized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See what’s available in your community. Often a graduate school will have a clinic for students to see patients, under the supervision of a fully-licensed professional. Students get training and patients get free/reduced cost counseling. Many people also like using anxiety apps on their phone - you can crack in when you need to and it’s private. Your doctor may also have resources for free/low cost counseling services. Just start with the physical and go from there. Therapy and medicine work best in concert.

I personally would avoid graduate students for therapy. In college and grad school I tried these sorts of arrangements and they were terrible. Bad therapy is much worse than no therapy, when you're already sick and resistant to treatment. Better to go fewer times to someone you know is really good. They can give you tools to work on between appointments, even if the visits are infrequent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And he is reluctant to get help. Would meds really change him (re: his job, etc.)? I see it in his family, and it is heartbreaking.

They very well could, yes. But he also needs to learn skills to change his thinking, for a better shot at longterm wellness, and for that therapy is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And he is reluctant to get help. Would meds really change him (re: his job, etc.)? I see it in his family, and it is heartbreaking.

They very well could, yes. But he also needs to learn skills to change his thinking, for a better shot at longterm wellness, and for that therapy is needed.

Yep—But sometimes meds are what it takes to change your brain chemistry enough to learn better skills. Try meds with your primary care doctor, and then get something like a cognitive behavioral therapy workbook if you can’t get therapy just to start introducing those ideas.

[Anonymous]

Try therapy first. Specifically, cognitive behavior therapy from a clinical psychologist. That stands the best chance of resolving the issue in a few months. As noted, he has to want to. Maybe compromise and say you want to bring him to an initial appointment. Just one hour. Then he can decide if he wants to proceed. It takes the pressure off.

All medications have undesirable side effects. It is hard to tell how it will affect your DH. They are best avoided. Even if they work initially, he will build up a tolerance to the point they will become less effective. We're so overmedicated as a society.

[Anonymous]

What’s he eating? Is he working out? I’m prone to both depression and anxiety, and never felt like therapy or drugs were helpful for me. What has been helpful is eating a good diet (mostly veggies, lean protein, and lots of water) and getting at least an hour of activity a day, preferably outside. When I slip up, it doesn’t take long for the old demons to come back. Just something to consider that doesn’t cost a dime.