If your child with SN was bullied by another child did the parents apologize?

[Anonymous]

DS, who is 8, has been hit, pushed and called names by a group of older boys at his school. His awkwardness and big reactions make him a frequent target. The recess aide is on top of it and has sent these boys to the principal's office a few times. They sometimes try to provoke him as individuals and sometimes in pairs or a larger group of 4-5. These boys are very polite to adults and are considered "nice" boys in the neighborhood. Never once received an apology from the parents even though I see them around often. I'm starting to feel like they think they don't owe DS an apology because he's odd and has special needs and therefore deserves to be treated badly. The principal has had to call their parents several times already. Is this normal parent behavior?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry your son is being treated this way. No, this is not okay. It's not normal parenting behavior. They SUCK!

Your son deserves an apology. I'm so angry for you and him. This just blows.

[Anonymous]

Definitely not normal. Those parents are asshats. The parents should be modeling good behavior, and their inability to do so explains why their kids are also asshats.

[Anonymous]

The school has kept your DC's name from the parents of those boys. While they may know the name of their child's victim, they may be acting as if they do not know it out of respect for your DC's privacy. Or they may truly not know the name.

I wouldn't assume that those parents think your DC deserves to be teased, hit, and bullied and doesn't deserve an apology. But then, I don't see value in assuming the worst about people when I have the option of assuming the best about them.

[Anonymous]

Is it a big school? Do they know you?

My DC is in a big school, and I don't even know the kids in the class, let alone kids in other grades and who their parents are. Also, if the parents don't know your child, consider this: when their kids got in trouble, the principal would not have been allowed to tell them that your child has special needs. Chances are they were told there was a conflict between some boys, here's how we the school handled it, and nothing more.

To protect your child's privacy, the other parents are kept in the dark about your child's needs and what is really going on. They may not have even been told it was your child, just "a younger child."

[Anonymous]

The previous posters are right. It’s confidentiality. They can’t say the name of the other child. They can’t say he is special needs. If you want to be angry, be angry at the school monitors.

[Anonymous]

Interesting contrast between this thread and the other active thread:

Here: They're assholes, they should apologize (but they may not know your child).

Other thread: I am not discussing my child at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting contrast between this thread and the other active thread:

Here: They're assholes, they should apologize (but they may not know your child).

Other thread: I am not discussing my child at all!

Do you have a SN child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting contrast between this thread and the other active thread:

Here: They're assholes, they should apologize (but they may not know your child).

Other thread: I am not discussing my child at all!

Agree. But then I agree with the naysayers on the other thread.

I will say that my kid has not bullied, teased or hit other children but has annoyed them at times and, when we've gotten a note home about his behavior, I've asked him to write notes of apology to his classmates. While their names were withheld from us for privacy reasons, DS knew who they were. If I heard that my DS was involved in bullying, teasing, hitting another child, I would find out from him who it was, make him apologize, and I would apologize to the parent, if I knew them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting contrast between this thread and the other active thread:

Here: They're assholes, they should apologize (but they may not know your child).

Other thread: I am not discussing my child at all!

FWIW, I am the special needs parent on the other thread who doesn't discuss my kid with other parents (unless they also have SN kids too or I know/trust them.) If my child were being bullied I would not expect an apology from other parents because I know that apologies are completely useless. I would expect the SCHOOL to address the issue. I would love it if the other parents approached me collaboratively to discuss ways to address bullying and especially to try to get more resources from the school, but I understand that is not likely to happen, so I would not expect it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting contrast between this thread and the other active thread:

Here: They're assholes, they should apologize (but they may not know your child).

Other thread: I am not discussing my child at all!

FWIW, I am the special needs parent on the other thread who doesn't discuss my kid with other parents (unless they also have SN kids too or I know/trust them.) If my child were being bullied I would not expect an apology from other parents because I know that apologies are completely useless. I would expect the SCHOOL to address the issue. I would love it if the other parents approached me collaboratively to discuss ways to address bullying and especially to try to get more resources from the school, but I understand that is not likely to happen, so I would not expect it.

So you'd be happy to discuss their child's bullying, but not your own child's behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting contrast between this thread and the other active thread:

Here: They're assholes, they should apologize (but they may not know your child).

Other thread: I am not discussing my child at all!

Do you have a SN child?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a big school? Do they know you?

My DC is in a big school, and I don't even know the kids in the class, let alone kids in other grades and who their parents are. Also, if the parents don't know your child, consider this: when their kids got in trouble, the principal would not have been allowed to tell them that your child has special needs. Chances are they were told there was a conflict between some boys, here's how we the school handled it, and nothing more.

To protect your child's privacy, the other parents are kept in the dark about your child's needs and what is really going on. They may not have even been told it was your child, just "a younger child."

It's a small school and a close-knit neighborhood, and we are friendly with the parents of all the kids. They also know my child has special needs.
If you got a call from the principal saying your child hit and teased a younger child more than once wouldn't you be talking to your child about what happened? Wouldn't you be asking questions that led you to know the name of the child? I guess I'm just surprised it has been so many kids involved, that they are two grades above DS, and none of their parents have apologized.

I have an older sibling and the time she was not very nice to a friend I made her hand write an apology to the friend and I emailed the parents an apology. It was nothing physical but like what's happening to DS but it was "mean girl" behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting contrast between this thread and the other active thread:

Here: They're assholes, they should apologize (but they may not know your child).

Other thread: I am not discussing my child at all!

Agree. But then I agree with the naysayers on the other thread.

I will say that my kid has not bullied, teased or hit other children but has annoyed them at times and, when we've gotten a note home about his behavior, I've asked him to write notes of apology to his classmates. While their names were withheld from us for privacy reasons, DS knew who they were. If I heard that my DS was involved in bullying, teasing, hitting another child, I would find out from him who it was, make him apologize, and I would apologize to the parent, if I knew them.

Nice. Now imagine forcing your SN DS with fine motor issues to write notes several times a week to apologize for behavior he already feels terrible about, and making groveling apologies to other parents (that they ignore), all the while being intensely worried about your kid's future.

You making your kid write a note once for annoying another kid is NOTHING like dealing with major externalizing behaviors by a SN child, particularly when they are first cropping up in a new school and you are desperately trying to figure out what's going on, facing a 1-year + waiting list for professional evaluations, and possibly/likely fighting with the school for resources.

[Anonymous]

I meant DS has an older sibling.