If your child with SN was bullied by another child did the parents apologize?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

[Anonymous]

I think the kids owe him an apology but reality is the parents know how their kids are and probably do not care or are like that themselves so its no big deal in their home OR they would have put a stop to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

Seeking justice is another word for seeking retribution and it's not productive. OP needs to be getting the system to protect her son, not going after other families and children to make herself feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS, who is 8, has been hit, pushed and called names by a group of older boys at his school. His awkwardness and big reactions make him a frequent target. The recess aide is on top of it and has sent these boys to the principal's office a few times. They sometimes try to provoke him as individuals and sometimes in pairs or a larger group of 4-5. These boys are very polite to adults and are considered "nice" boys in the neighborhood. Never once received an apology from the parents even though I see them around often. I'm starting to feel like they think they don't owe DS an apology because he's odd and has special needs and therefore deserves to be treated badly. The principal has had to call their parents several times already. Is this normal parent behavior?

The apples don't fall far from the trees. I wouldn't expect good behavior from the parents of bullies as they are likely also putting on a show in front of the adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

Seeking justice is another word for seeking retribution and it's not productive. OP needs to be getting the system to protect her son, not going after other families and children to make herself feel better.

Nobody talked about going after families and children. I think you are mixing up this post with the one about the yelling neighbor.
There's a big difference between thinking the bully's family has bad manners and yelling at them that they have bad manners.

[Anonymous]

If I were in their shoes, I would make sure my kid had apologized to the other kid (which presumably the school has covered but perhaps not). Beyond that, if I didn't already know you well enough to know how you'd respond, I probably wouldn't reach out to you directly to discuss what's happening at school because I don't know if you'd welcome that from a virtual stranger, if you'd take it in the spirit it was intended instead of trying to use something I said against my child later, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

The point is that expecting an apology is really about the parents' feelings (a desire for justice), and not about solving the problem. To the extent you actually want to solve the problem, you'd chose a different tactic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

The point is that expecting an apology is really about the parents' feelings (a desire for justice), and not about solving the problem. To the extent you actually want to solve the problem, you'd chose a different tactic.

It depends on the problem that you want to solve. Prevent the bullying from happening again? An apology may or may not solve the problem. Accord respect to the victim and her family? An apology will do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

The point is that expecting an apology is really about the parents' feelings (a desire for justice), and not about solving the problem. To the extent you actually want to solve the problem, you'd chose a different tactic.

It depends on the problem that you want to solve. Prevent the bullying from happening again? An apology may or may not solve the problem. Accord respect to the victim and her family? An apology will do that.

That's another phrase for justice seeking. It doesn't protect her child at all; it just makes OP feel satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

The point is that expecting an apology is really about the parents' feelings (a desire for justice), and not about solving the problem. To the extent you actually want to solve the problem, you'd chose a different tactic.

It depends on the problem that you want to solve. Prevent the bullying from happening again? An apology may or may not solve the problem. Accord respect to the victim and her family? An apology will do that.

That's another phrase for justice seeking. It doesn't protect her child at all; it just makes OP feel satisfied.

In general, isn't that the point of manners and rules of society? To make others feel satisfied? Not yourself? You think respect has no value, it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

The point is that expecting an apology is really about the parents' feelings (a desire for justice), and not about solving the problem. To the extent you actually want to solve the problem, you'd chose a different tactic.

It depends on the problem that you want to solve. Prevent the bullying from happening again? An apology may or may not solve the problem. Accord respect to the victim and her family? An apology will do that.

That's another phrase for justice seeking. It doesn't protect her child at all; it just makes OP feel satisfied.

In general, isn't that the point of manners and rules of society? To make others feel satisfied? Not yourself? You think respect has no value, it seems.

Demanding apologies isn't really good manners though, is it? And again, the question is, do you think asserting your rights to an apology are the way to solve the problem? I don't think it is, in my experience. Respect does have some value but it's likely not going to stop the bullying behavior at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

The point is that expecting an apology is really about the parents' feelings (a desire for justice), and not about solving the problem. To the extent you actually want to solve the problem, you'd chose a different tactic.

It depends on the problem that you want to solve. Prevent the bullying from happening again? An apology may or may not solve the problem. Accord respect to the victim and her family? An apology will do that.

That's another phrase for justice seeking. It doesn't protect her child at all; it just makes OP feel satisfied.

In general, isn't that the point of manners and rules of society? To make others feel satisfied? Not yourself? You think respect has no value, it seems.

Good manners from her would be to forgive those kids and work with the school to protect her kid. Demanding an apology from her neighbor is not good manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the poster who keeps talking about justice seeking. What is wrong with seeking justice? Are you telling OP to file a bullying report if she feels the message isn't getting through to the children and the parents?

The point is that expecting an apology is really about the parents' feelings (a desire for justice), and not about solving the problem. To the extent you actually want to solve the problem, you'd chose a different tactic.

It depends on the problem that you want to solve. Prevent the bullying from happening again? An apology may or may not solve the problem. Accord respect to the victim and her family? An apology will do that.

That's another phrase for justice seeking. It doesn't protect her child at all; it just makes OP feel satisfied.

In general, isn't that the point of manners and rules of society? To make others feel satisfied? Not yourself? You think respect has no value, it seems.

OP has taken a situation about her son and made it about herself and what she thinks she's owed. No, that is not good manners.

[Anonymous]

I once emailed a parent to apologize for something my kid did to hers (a one-time incident in first grade when he was 6). The other parent sent me back a lengthy email attacking my child (including calling him mentally disturbed) and attacking DH and I as parents. After that, I would never recommend reaching out to another parent you don't know well over something that happens at school. Talk to your own kid at home, but let the school handle any interactions with the other family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. School issues need to be handle in school for many reasons but mostly confidentiality.

That is one reason why I don't think parents should be in the classroom, they should not be talking about kids activities in the classroom/school outside of the classroom.

I actually had a parent assault my child and I did not want her to apologize to me, though she found my phone number and called and called. This should be and was handled by the principal in the school during school hours and she was banned from being inside the school.

Most parents don't know what is developmentally normal behavior and parents are way too emotional about their own child. Parent to parent contact should be minimized.

I work in a classroom and agree wholeheartedly. Parents only hear what comes from their child, they tend to minimize their own child’s role in any interactions, and they don’t know much about what is developmentally normal. I frequently see, for example, two kids messing around with each other all day and when one of them then slips and falls they tell their parent “David pushed me” and the parent comes in guns blazing against David, so to speak. Their assumption is usually that the other child started it.