Getting smushed in the sandwich

[Anonymous]

Just a vent with no solution.,,

I am a mother of 3 teens and work full time. I have an 84 year old mother with various health issues who lives an hour away. I have one sibling out of state and another who lives near my mother with all kinds of personal issues. So I basically am in charge of all things relating to my mom. I love her and see her every week. She is not a burden and I don’t mind because my siblings are useless.

But...this week my mom has a dr appt that can’t be rescheduled (a serious issue that can’t be put off).At the same time, my daughter has her senior game where the parents walk them on the field. My heart is breaking because I can’t be there (my husband will be). My daughter says it’s ok but I know she is disappointed. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. It’s so hard to be pulled in so many directions all the time.

Just feeling really low right now and wish for once I didn’t have to be responsible for everyone. Thanks if you read this.

[Anonymous]

As hard as this is, you are teaching your children the importance of looking out for, caring for your elderly mother.
Now, with your mother an hour away, could you call each day to see if a different appointment time has opened up? Maybe there is a way to get back in time. Hope you are caring for yourself also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As hard as this is, you are teaching your children the importance of looking out for, caring for your elderly mother.
Now, with your mother an hour away, could you call each day to see if a different appointment time has opened up? Maybe there is a way to get back in time. Hope you are caring for yourself also.

Thank you. I’ve been calling the doctors every day but so far no cancellations and they are booked for months. I really appreciate your kind words.

[Anonymous]

You are showing your children what life is all about. Your husband will be at the game and your daughter (and your husband) will be very proud of her mother for being a good daughter. This is a teaching moment for your children about how you deal with priorities and trade-offs. You have the ability to turn what you view as a negative into a real positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are showing your children what life is all about. Your husband will be at the game and your daughter (and your husband) will be very proud of her mother for being a good daughter. This is a teaching moment for your children about how you deal with priorities and trade-offs. You have the ability to turn what you view as a negative into a real positive.

Thank you. I am just tired that my kids get the short end of the stick.

[Anonymous]

OP, a bit related, a story for you ... one time when my ILs were adamant that DH & I not come to help them, we said, "please allow us to show our children how we want to be treated when we are older"

I agree w/pp that this is a "teaching" opportunity and you don't have to teach. It just is. It's very powerful. You couldn't ask for a more powerful lesson.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, that's a tough situation. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that there will be a cancellation at the doctor's office and you will be able to reschedule. But if that doesn't happen I agree with the others that you are a wonderful example to your children of how to care for others with love.

[Anonymous]

Although your siblings are generally useless, could one of them go with your mom to the appointment just this once? Maybe the local sibling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent with no solution.,,

I am a mother of 3 teens and work full time. I have an 84 year old mother with various health issues who lives an hour away. I have one sibling out of state and another who lives near my mother with all kinds of personal issues. So I basically am in charge of all things relating to my mom. I love her and see her every week. She is not a burden and I don’t mind because my siblings are useless.

But...this week my mom has a dr appt that can’t be rescheduled (a serious issue that can’t be put off).At the same time, my daughter has her senior game where the parents walk them on the field. My heart is breaking because I can’t be there (my husband will be). My daughter says it’s ok but I know she is disappointed. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. It’s so hard to be pulled in so many directions all the time.

Just feeling really low right now and wish for once I didn’t have to be responsible for everyone. Thanks if you read this.

It's tough. I had to miss dropping off my oldest child at college to be with my father for a operation. My sister couldn't do it because her 1st chemo session was the same day too. I felt like I was split in three- across three regions of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although your siblings are generally useless, could one of them go with your mom to the appointment just this once? Maybe the local sibling?

She is in non-communication mode and is not answering any calls or texts. This is typical.

[Anonymous]

I have small children and my mom recently died after a long illness. It was so so hard and my own health suffered. Pls also find time for yourself. I’m sorry you are missing your dd’s event. If it’s not important for you to be at the appointment, you can hire a medical aide to take her and talk to the doctor via phone.

[Anonymous]

I think you should look into hired help for your mother that you can use on occasion, such as inconvenient doctors appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although your siblings are generally useless, could one of them go with your mom to the appointment just this once? Maybe the local sibling?

She is in non-communication mode and is not answering any calls or texts. This is typical.

I'm sorry, OP. My one sibling ranges from completely useless to actively harmful in these situations, so I feel you.

I agree with PPs that you are teaching your daughter a good lesson, though I know it's painful. You're not alone.

[Anonymous]

We are in a similar place. It's tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have small children and my mom recently died after a long illness. It was so so hard and my own health suffered. Pls also find time for yourself. I’m sorry you are missing your dd’s event. If it’s not important for you to be at the appointment, you can hire a medical aide to take her and talk to the doctor via phone.

I would consider this IF the daughter's event is something both you and she think is important. If there is any alternative to crying over missing your kids' event, you should at least consider it. Your mom has health problems, but isn't dying, so you may have many more years of figuring this out.