I am so tired of my “oldest child”.

[Anonymous]

My husband.

Every.single.time we have any type of disagreement, he storms away from me, refuses to talk to me, and basically acts like a child. I am just so sick of not being able to discuss things and let them go. He is no longer the man I married. And he calls me names and if I dare touch him, like on his shoulder to calm him down, he tells me to take my hands off him and not touch him. As long as I don’t rock the boat, he is fine. And it’s over the dumbest things too. I’m not blameless, but why go from zero to 100 over tiny disagreements. I am so sick of him.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain. My husband cannot let anything go or attribute anything but a negative motive to any behavior that angers or slightly annoys him. It is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Has he always been like this? Mine was and I left him for about 6 weeks. I told him exactly why I was leaving and he asked to reconcile. We did, he was better for a little while, then started the same stuff again. This time when I’d call him out on it, he’d instantly stop and apologize. It’s still not ideal, but he at least does better most of the time and is apologetic and corrective when he reverts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he always been like this? Mine was and I left him for about 6 weeks. I told him exactly why I was leaving and he asked to reconcile. We did, he was better for a little while, then started the same stuff again. This time when I’d call him out on it, he’d instantly stop and apologize. It’s still not ideal, but he at least does better most of the time and is apologetic and corrective when he reverts.

This is interesting. I left for similar reasons, but am afraid to reconcile because I think we will go right back to the old dynamic. It is encouraging that it worked for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, your marriage sounds ripe for serious couples counseling with the focus on communication issues. You can try leaving him as a PP did, and clearly that worked for her, but for some couples it could backfire and end up in a permanent split.

I'd sit down alone and think very hard about why you married him and what his positives are. That might help you see whether the communication issue is the sole or main problem or if more is going on. Tell him that you both (not just him) have a problem that needs a Doctor the same way you'd see a doctor if one of you were sick. If he refuses and cannot be objective enough even to see the problem, go to counseling or therapy on your own ASAP. But this may be something where you and he can learn to change the dynamic if you both will work with a professional. And do frame it as both of you getting help, not just him.

[Anonymous]

If you know he doesn't want to be touched then you know touching him on the shoulder is going to upset him not calm him down.

Sounds like you are both acting childish and keeping the problems going.

You should get counseling. Whenever one spouse thinks of the other as a child, the dynamic is really unhealthy. It also infers you feel he should do as you say and that you don't see him as a equal partner. That likely comes through in how you speak to him and how you approach a disagreement.

[Anonymous]

Same here OP. Every issue, conversation or decision goes nowhere and he prefers to sweep it under the rug under his “laid back, life is easy and good” mantra. Only now he has a wife, kids and house and school schedules to manage on top our our two jobs.

He literally prefers to argue that I’m the bad guy when I ask what happened to xyz which needed to be done and he had agreed to do it (and did not). He just is incapable of admitting anything, fixing it and moving on. Festering, passive aggressive, gets angry, blames others, lies to cover up.

Then after a few years, all the symptoms equalled untreated adult adhd. He needs to get tested and treated, but he thinks he doesn’t have a problem, it’s the people who are disappointed and angry w him that are the problem.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat. What makes me the most mad is whenever I am upset with him, HE is the one who ends up mad and then I always end up having to apologize to him for some reason when the issue in the first place was his behavior. I am never allowed to be upset or have an issue with him, he never admits he did something wrong.

[Anonymous]

sounds like he is also tired of you. maybe a 3rd party would help to figure out what's the root cause of this and to help to change the dynamic and put you guys back on the right track.

of course, that is only if you both want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband.

Every.single.time we have any type of disagreement, he storms away from me, refuses to talk to me, and basically acts like a child. I am just so sick of not being able to discuss things and let them go. He is no longer the man I married. And he calls me names and if I dare touch him, like on his shoulder to calm him down, he tells me to take my hands off him and not touch him. As long as I don’t rock the boat, he is fine. And it’s over the dumbest things too. I’m not blameless, but why go from zero to 100 over tiny disagreements. I am so sick of him.

This is my husband too. I pretty much walk on eggshells around him so as not to anger him. He gets insanely mad over things that I don't understand why he would be mad about. Case in point: I got a flat tire on the way to work last week. I called him and he said he would come help me change the tire/bring our patch kit to fix it. A nice man walking his dog stopped and helped me put my spare tire on. I called my H to let him know someone was helping me and he didn't need to come. He absolutely exploded, saying that I was so disrespectful and wasted his time because he had stopped what he was doing and was starting to drive to where I was, and I ruined his morning for nothing. He was seriously so mad about it that he kept texted me, cussing me out and refused to speak with me for the entire day, would just hang up on me.

I had thought, hey, he can turn around and go back home and not worry about helping me, which I thought he would be happy about. Instead, he was super p!ssed, and I just didn't understand it. He made me apologize profusely and beg for forgiveness for it, but I really don't understand what the H I was apologizing for?! But I did so as not to rock the boat....

I FN hate being married. He was not like this 10 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in the same boat. What makes me the most mad is whenever I am upset with him, HE is the one who ends up mad and then I always end up having to apologize to him for some reason when the issue in the first place was his behavior. I am never allowed to be upset or have an issue with him, he never admits he did something wrong.

THIS.

HE is a medical doctor.

HE rewrites history where it’s all my fault.

HE never accepts responsibility,

HE sure loves to be touched any other time.

Therapy would be a big waste because he never believes he is wrong, or lies about what he said.

I do love him, but I am sick of his behavior. I pray for days he works extra late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband.

Every.single.time we have any type of disagreement, he storms away from me, refuses to talk to me, and basically acts like a child. I am just so sick of not being able to discuss things and let them go. He is no longer the man I married. And he calls me names and if I dare touch him, like on his shoulder to calm him down, he tells me to take my hands off him and not touch him. As long as I don’t rock the boat, he is fine. And it’s over the dumbest things too. I’m not blameless, but why go from zero to 100 over tiny disagreements. I am so sick of him.

This is my husband too. I pretty much walk on eggshells around him so as not to anger him. He gets insanely mad over things that I don't understand why he would be mad about. Case in point: I got a flat tire on the way to work last week. I called him and he said he would come help me change the tire/bring our patch kit to fix it. A nice man walking his dog stopped and helped me put my spare tire on. I called my H to let him know someone was helping me and he didn't need to come. He absolutely exploded, saying that I was so disrespectful and wasted his time because he had stopped what he was doing and was starting to drive to where I was, and I ruined his morning for nothing. He was seriously so mad about it that he kept texted me, cussing me out and refused to speak with me for the entire day, would just hang up on me.

I had thought, hey, he can turn around and go back home and not worry about helping me, which I thought he would be happy about. Instead, he was super p!ssed, and I just didn't understand it. He made me apologize profusely and beg for forgiveness for it, but I really don't understand what the H I was apologizing for?! But I did so as not to rock the boat....

I FN hate being married. He was not like this 10 years ago.

My husband loves to turn his phone off, so I can’t reach him. It’s so childish. I don’t play games.

[Anonymous]

PP, why did you beg for his forgiveness? Why are you tolerating his behavior? You are in an abusive relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like he is also tired of you. maybe a 3rd party would help to figure out what's the root cause of this and to help to change the dynamic and put you guys back on the right track.

of course, that is only if you both want that.

If so, he is welcome to stop physical contact, sex, and compliments. He’s happy if I don’t rock the boat.

[Anonymous]

Stonewalling is a form of emotional abuse.
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/is-stonewalling-a-form-of-abuse/

This is a classic sign:

then I always end up having to apologize to him for some reason when the issue in the first place was his behavior.