Focus on family time or DH decompressing?

[Anonymous]

My DH will have worked 14 straight days due to a huge project at work. The kids have been in bed when he gets home, and he leaves to commute shortly after they get up. It’s been crazy hectic, and they really miss him. He will be off early Friday and Saturday, but then leaves Sunday to head out of town to finish this project, and will be gone all next week. (Then this craziness will be over!)

I’m wondering though if I should encourage him to take the day for himself on Saturday to do something he wants, or if I should plan a “family day” so the kids can spend the day as a family. They miss him a lot, but are managing. I’m just wondering if the focus should be on DH decompressing or, on the kids?

[Anonymous]

Ask him?

If it were me, I’d LOVE for you to get the kids out of the house Saturday morning so I could sleep in and have a quiet morning then meet up for lunch and spend Saturday and Sunday with the family.

[Anonymous]

He needs to decompress

[Anonymous]

How old are DCs if younger than 5, then I’d not push family time. If older, low key bike ride or hike with the option of going but not a requirement. Family movie outing also an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask him?

If it were me, I’d LOVE for you to get the kids out of the house Saturday morning so I could sleep in and have a quiet morning then meet up for lunch and spend Saturday and Sunday with the family.

Np: except he’s going out of town on Sunday...

[Anonymous]

Let him decompress! If it was me, I would send kids to grandma for the weekend and have alone time with him. Kids will be fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him decompress! If it was me, I would send kids to grandma for the weekend and have alone time with him. Kids will be fine

This. Grandma or a sitter.....have some adult time.

[Anonymous]

Ask your husband!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask your husband!

He will feel pressured to say family time.

[Anonymous]

Ask your husband what his plans are for Saturday. Accept whatever he says without pouting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask your husband!

He will feel pressured to say family time.

It must suck to have to do all your husband’s thinking for him.

[Anonymous]

When do you get free time, op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him decompress! If it was me, I would send kids to grandma for the weekend and have alone time with him. Kids will be fine

I disagree.

My husband went through a 2 year stint like this and it was horrible for the kids: toddler, preschooler and elementary kid.

They would talk about how they didn't see daddy for days and would stay up in their beds trying to be awake when he got home.

I can say that years later, the oldest (now in high school) relationship with dad is still distant from that time. The 2nd one remembers very little about that time, except that daddy was never home and when he was he was crabby or sleeping.

If he gets off early Friday, the kids should be in school. Let him unwind, and have him pick up the kids. Do an easy, relaxing night at home, doing what relaxes dad while the kids hang out too, like pizza night while he plays video games (with the kids hanging out) or pop in a movie where he cuddles on the couch with the kids. Early bed for the kids and let him sleep in.

The next day, just continue with unstructured, relaxing at home. The kids will alternate between playing and hanging on him, but if there is nothing scheduled and no timelines, then it should be low stress for him. Again, easy, relaxing dinner at home, something low key with the kids afterwards (like sitting on the bed chatting while the kids show him their toys or play legos) and early bed again.

Just be prepared for next week. It will be very hard on the kids. That week after they saw him was always difficult for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him decompress! If it was me, I would send kids to grandma for the weekend and have alone time with him. Kids will be fine

I disagree.

My husband went through a 2 year stint like this and it was horrible for the kids: toddler, preschooler and elementary kid.

They would talk about how they didn't see daddy for days and would stay up in their beds trying to be awake when he got home.

I can say that years later, the oldest (now in high school) relationship with dad is still distant from that time. The 2nd one remembers very little about that time, except that daddy was never home and when he was he was crabby or sleeping.

If he gets off early Friday, the kids should be in school. Let him unwind, and have him pick up the kids. Do an easy, relaxing night at home, doing what relaxes dad while the kids hang out too, like pizza night while he plays video games (with the kids hanging out) or pop in a movie where he cuddles on the couch with the kids. Early bed for the kids and let him sleep in.

The next day, just continue with unstructured, relaxing at home. The kids will alternate between playing and hanging on him, but if there is nothing scheduled and no timelines, then it should be low stress for him. Again, easy, relaxing dinner at home, something low key with the kids afterwards (like sitting on the bed chatting while the kids show him their toys or play legos) and early bed again.

Just be prepared for next week. It will be very hard on the kids. That week after they saw him was always difficult for them.

There’s a big difference in 3 weeks and 2 years.

OP leave him alone to decompress. I travel for weeks on end, and nothing makes me more unhappy than when DH has prescheduled something or has people coming over. If I get 36 hours to drop in, I need time to relax, run laundry, pick up dry cleaning, and repack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him decompress! If it was me, I would send kids to grandma for the weekend and have alone time with him. Kids will be fine

I disagree.

My husband went through a 2 year stint like this and it was horrible for the kids: toddler, preschooler and elementary kid.

They would talk about how they didn't see daddy for days and would stay up in their beds trying to be awake when he got home.

I can say that years later, the oldest (now in high school) relationship with dad is still distant from that time. The 2nd one remembers very little about that time, except that daddy was never home and when he was he was crabby or sleeping.

If he gets off early Friday, the kids should be in school. Let him unwind, and have him pick up the kids. Do an easy, relaxing night at home, doing what relaxes dad while the kids hang out too, like pizza night while he plays video games (with the kids hanging out) or pop in a movie where he cuddles on the couch with the kids. Early bed for the kids and let him sleep in.

The next day, just continue with unstructured, relaxing at home. The kids will alternate between playing and hanging on him, but if there is nothing scheduled and no timelines, then it should be low stress for him. Again, easy, relaxing dinner at home, something low key with the kids afterwards (like sitting on the bed chatting while the kids show him their toys or play legos) and early bed again.

Just be prepared for next week. It will be very hard on the kids. That week after they saw him was always difficult for them.

There’s a big difference in 3 weeks and 2 years.

OP leave him alone to decompress. I travel for weeks on end, and nothing makes me more unhappy than when DH has prescheduled something or has people coming over. If I get 36 hours to drop in, I need time to relax, run laundry, pick up dry cleaning, and repack.

I'm going to agree with the statement "There’s a big difference in 3 weeks and 2 years" from PP, but not in the same vein. Two weeks to a toddler is an eternity. Two weeks to an adult is manageable. Anything in between is a toss up.

I like the advice given in the post (relaxed, unstructured time with family/dad).
Best of luck, OP.