How do you handle inequality between cousins ?

[Anonymous]

We live a middle class life compared to our SIL who is upper middle class.

Our kids go to public, they go to private and she stays at home while my husband and I work.

I've never been about money but sometimes when our kids get together and talk about things, or our kids go to their house,
they make comments such as " L has a big pool, why can't we have that?"

OR when they went on a cruise, they go yearly---- our kids hear about it at family get togethers.

It's becoming obvious to them that their cousins have more resources due to my brother's job.

What do you say about these differences to your kids?..

we love what we do, money is not important to us and neither was it for my brother,
but he's compensated fairly well.

We live in the same city, but we do not always hangout.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are going to have to get used to the fact that there will always be somebody has more and nicer things than they have.

The answer is that their parents can afford those items. We need to stick within our family budget.

[Anonymous]

You don’t say anything. What a weird post.

[Anonymous]

Tell them some people have got more money than you and some have less.

If they want more money then they can work hard and become BigLawyers or work in finance. Or marry someone rich. If they don't care about money they can become flautists or community activists. Their choice.

[Anonymous]

This happens to all of us, OP. It's just as awkward being on the other side. If it's not your own family, it's the neighbors, school friends, etc.

You just say you have less money, or you choose to spend your money differently, whichever one is applicable.

We are an international family and a good part of our funds are kept for international travel to see close relatives in Europe and Asia. We sacrifice in other areas.

[Anonymous]

People have different lives, different priorities and and different levels of wealth. Everyone is different. This is normal, and something that you can (and should) reinforce with kids from an early age each day.

[Anonymous]

Take them to volunteer at a homeless shelter.

[Anonymous]

I would say: That's a choice their family made. If you would like to go swimming, we can always do that - next weekend? Then go to the community pool. If they want to go on that cruise, say - let's start saving.

More generally, I would tell them, we have different resources. We love what we do, and we provide for you what you need. Everything else is extra. Keep an open conversation.

[Anonymous]

Tell them cruises are just grotesque floating troughs of e.coli, filled with wealthy but tasteless vulgarians cramming third-rate food and drink down their expansive gullets.

[Anonymous]

How would you explain if your child's best friend happens to be the child of two doctors and they drive luxury cars and go on more vacations than you do?

You explain that different people choose different careers for many reasons. Some careers pay more than others and those who get paid more, have more money for things like private school, swimming pools and other luxuries. Your careers pay nice enough for your family to have a nice house, food on the table, and a pretty comfortable living, even if they don't pay enough for more luxuries like the cousins have.

Perhaps you need to get your child more involved with community service so that they can see those who have much less than you. I've worked in soup kitchens, shelters, and similar community service for decades in part to help those that have much less than me and to remind me just how fortunate I am to have my UMC life.

[Anonymous]

Different kids, different families. Its one thing if its siblings in the same family but this is cousins.

[Anonymous]

This is not 'inequality between cousins'. It's 'my kids have noticed some families have more money than we do'. That's a fact of life and should not be difficult to explain. Some people have more, some less. Some choose to save, some choose to spend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are going to have to get used to the fact that there will always be somebody has more and nicer things than they have.

The answer is that their parents can afford those items. We need to stick within our family budget.

+1 This is not an issue about a situation that is unjust, it is an issue that reflects financial realities of two families. Stop looking at it as an inequality. OP, I bet you that your kids are picking up on your attitude. Change your perspective and your kids will change theirs.

[Anonymous]

When I was a kid, someone always had more than we did but as a family we always had a good time. I never felt deprived because I always felt loved.

[Anonymous]

It's life Op.