Personal Loan? I'm well below DCUM average

[Anonymous]

My DW and I are struggling a lot. She has had mental health concerns for a few years, which involved her taking a leave of absence last year and ultimately losing her job. After a time of unemployment, she now has a new job but no leave accumulated. Unfortunately, she hit a really low spot a few weeks ago and was hospitalized. She returned to work but is concerned that she is still feeling very low, anxious and suicidal. She stayed in bed crying all weekend.

Her mental health as well as student loan debts and daycare + mortgage mean we have been very tight on cash the last couple of years, to the point we have borrowed large amounts of money from my parents and her parents.

We cannot afford for her not to work, but she needs the mental health help. There is a partial hospitalization program offered from 9-3 at a couple local hospitals, but she would have to take 1-3 weeks off of work. We literally don't have the money, but she is scared so I am scared.

Our parents cannot really help anymore, nor should they.

Should we apply for a personal loan to get through a few weeks of bills without her paycheck? Or should she just tough it out and push through it? I'm at a loss.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. Is this the sort of thing for which she could receive short term disability payments?

Could you either sell your house or break your lease and move in with parents for a while? This sounds like something that calls for emergency measures.

I'm really sorry you and she are going through this. Please go easy on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Help her apply for social security disability. Its hit or miss on if she will get it but its worth at try. Sell the house if you can and move into something cheaper.

[Anonymous]

I have no particular advice, but am sending along my good thoughts that will family will get through this. I'm sorry your family is going through this rocky time.

[Anonymous]

You need to rethink every item of expenditure to cut it to the bare bones. Sell the house and move into a one or two bedroom. You cannot rely on her income. Look into SSD.

[Anonymous]

I don't think we can even afford to move. Don't you need to pay a realtor? and movers or a truck... We have $8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think we can even afford to move. Don't you need to pay a realtor? and movers or a truck... We have $8.

How much equity do you have in your home? The realtor normally gets paid after the house is sold and from the house proceeds. To determine equity, you deduct what you owe form the home value. There are additional costs such as a transfer tax, but it all depends on how much equity you have.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You can always walk away from the house. If you have no assets they probably won't come after you. Worth looking into that first though - I think it varies by state.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, your situation sounds horrible. I can tell you from experience that you will continue on this road until your wife gets help. Rather than the inpatient program, I would start with her primary care physician. It sounds like she might benefit from an SSRI, which her doctor can prescribe. If that doesn't work, she should see a therapist and/or psychiatrist. Get a forbearance on your student loans to pay for it if you need to. And don't give up hope - good mental health care can make a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW and I are struggling a lot. She has had mental health concerns for a few years, which involved her taking a leave of absence last year and ultimately losing her job. After a time of unemployment, she now has a new job but no leave accumulated. Unfortunately, she hit a really low spot a few weeks ago and was hospitalized. She returned to work but is concerned that she is still feeling very low, anxious and suicidal. She stayed in bed crying all weekend.

Her mental health as well as student loan debts and daycare + mortgage mean we have been very tight on cash the last couple of years, to the point we have borrowed large amounts of money from my parents and her parents.

We cannot afford for her not to work, but she needs the mental health help. There is a partial hospitalization program offered from 9-3 at a couple local hospitals, but she would have to take 1-3 weeks off of work. We literally don't have the money, but she is scared so I am scared.

Our parents cannot really help anymore, nor should they.

Should we apply for a personal loan to get through a few weeks of bills without her paycheck? Or should she just tough it out and push through it? I'm at a loss.

I am not sure if you are into church, but I would honestly reach out to some churches for help with this. I know tons of churches that will help with bills for a few months in these situations.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you post some more specifics about your situation?

How much is your HHI? How much is your mortgage and student loans, and any other loans (car? CC debt?) Medical debt?

Do you have a credit card?

What is your monthly take home? What is (was) your wife's Are you contributing to retirement?

How much is your daycare? Do you have relatives nearby who could help out?

[Anonymous]

I don't have a particular advice either, just wishing you goodwill. I just know if you can survive this, you two can survive anything. I know couples where a large amount of money was the source of evil, source of their divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a particular advice either, just wishing you goodwill. I just know if you can survive this, you two can survive anything. I know couples where a large amount of money was the source of evil, source of their divorce.

+1 - beyond the bare minimum which I hope you can get through, money doesn’t buy happiness.

[Anonymous]

ugh, i'm so sorry for your troubles.

i agree with others, you can no longer rely on your wife's salary. i know you are tempted to see if she can 'tough it out', but its not working.

start living like a single parent. sell or rent out your house and downsize. get your wife into treatment. don't ever count on her working a full time job again. it sucks, but lots of single parent/ single income parents make it work (even in this area.) you need to re-adjust your expectations.

however you guys come through this crisis, you may be stronger and know yourselves better than most people ever get to know, which is priceless. i know its small comfort right now. good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, can you post some more specifics about your situation?

How much is your HHI? How much is your mortgage and student loans, and any other loans (car? CC debt?) Medical debt?

Do you have a credit card?

What is your monthly take home? What is (was) your wife's Are you contributing to retirement?

How much is your daycare? Do you have relatives nearby who could help out?

Also your wife’s situation matters. Could she SAH with the kids? Barring that could she at least do drop off and pickup of younger kids?

Are the kids in danger or would she call 10x a day about trivial stuff if SAH?

Moving out to Frederick or the such may have to be on the cards (and you just start mega commuting). Yes it sucks.