Boyfriend I don't approve of

[Anonymous]

DD 16 is in love with a boy who is 19 and I absolutely do not like him. He dropped out of school, has no job, has no where to live (his parents moved out of the country) and is into drugs. DD often does not come home at night because she is with him and has gotten into trouble with the law over things that involves said boy. I tried to tell her how bad he is for her, but it's no use. The more I say no, the more she wants to be with him. Help. How do I get rid of this boy?

[Anonymous]

There are people you can hire to get rid of the man.

But before you go that route, have you considered reporting him to the police? Their age difference may be against the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are people you can hire to get rid of the man.

But before you go that route, have you considered reporting him to the police? Their age difference may be against the law.

LOL
I have not put a restraining order on him, because I feel like I'm walking on thin ice with my DD. I don't want them to run away to somewhere I cannot find her.

[Anonymous]

Does your DD want a future? Have you asked her what she sees as her future? It might be helpful to have her examine what life ahead holds for her. Does she have a job? A sport? Some activities and people that take up time? Talking bad about him won’t help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your DD want a future? Have you asked her what she sees as her future? It might be helpful to have her examine what life ahead holds for her. Does she have a job? A sport? Some activities and people that take up time? Talking bad about him won’t help you.

OP here - your right, I need to keep her busy.

[Anonymous]

Oh, yeah, I dated that guy through my twenties. The more you dig in the more she will retrench. Just give it time.

[Anonymous]

What kind of legal trouble has she gotten into, and what were the consequences of it? If she continues to hang out with someone who gets her into that kind of trouble, either someone is fixing the trouble for her so she never feels the consequences, or she does feel the consequences but doesn't care because she feels she has nothing to lose.

[Anonymous]

Get her on birth control ASAP!!!! I would take away any privileges she has that you pay for.Phone, car, clothes, allowance, etc.

[Anonymous]

Is boarding school an option? This sounds more serious than the typical, I hate my kids SO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 16 is in love with a boy who is 19 and I absolutely do not like him. He dropped out of school, has no job, has no where to live (his parents moved out of the country) and is into drugs. DD often does not come home at night because she is with him and has gotten into trouble with the law over things that involves said boy. I tried to tell her how bad he is for her, but it's no use. The more I say no, the more she wants to be with him. Help. How do I get rid of this boy?

She's 16; a minor and living under your roof. The 19 year old is legally an adult. Not sure what statutory rules apply, but her involvement with him is improper, especially given the illegal activity you've detailed.

Ground her! She'll hate you for it, but someday she'll thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD 16 is in love with a boy who is 19 and I absolutely do not like him. He dropped out of school, has no job, has no where to live (his parents moved out of the country) and is into drugs. DD often does not come home at night because she is with him and has gotten into trouble with the law over things that involves said boy. I tried to tell her how bad he is for her, but it's no use. The more I say no, the more she wants to be with him. Help. How do I get rid of this boy?

She's 16; a minor and living under your roof. The 19 year old is legally an adult. Not sure what statutory rules apply, but her involvement with him is improper, especially given the illegal activity you've detailed.

Ground her! She'll hate you for it, but someday she'll thank you.

Grounding doesn't work, she just runs away.

[Anonymous]

SWAT him.

[Anonymous]

You can’t just keep her away from him. The more you try, the more attached to him she will become. I don’t know what you’ve tried or considered, but I would definitely, no matter what else you do, get your DD an iud for birth control. Does she still have other friends who aren’t associated with this guy? How does she do in school? Does she have activities? Those answers will help narrow your options.

1. Boarding school. This would be my first choice if it were my DD. Not a place that feels like a punishment but one that is a real opportunity.

2. Relative in another state. Putting distance between them will help more than anything.

3. If you know the guy is doing drugs, have you considered reporting to the police? Your DD doesn’t have to know it was you, though she’ll likely suspect. See a lawyer for the info you need to make a report that will allow law enforcement to take action.

4. Sign DD up for college counseling, sat prep, anything that helps her focus on her future.

5. If you ever suspect she is doing drugs with him, have her tested and then send her to an inpatient rehab program.

[Anonymous]

Definitely drug testing for her. As long as grades keep up, she tests negative, and is on BC, don’t fight it. She’ll just run away or sneak around.

[Anonymous]

Not coming home at night? Shut off her phone. Now.