To the 30-yr-old man sitting on the metro train reading a newspaper:

[Anonymous]

To the 30-yr-old man sitting on the metro train reading a newspaper:

If you are going to keep your eyes glued down reading intently while a pregnant woman and an elderly man practically fall in your lap everytime the train lurches forward, you might want to turn the page. Staring at the same 2 pages of ADVERTISEMENTS for 20 minutes isn't a very convincing ploy to explain why you didn't look up and give us a seat.

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I loved the previous thread about metro experiences... this was my amusing experience today- I am 24 weeks and very obviously showing (and off balance already) and the old man was teetering next to me- must have been in his 80s. For the record, had the young man gotten up I would have deferred the seat to the elderly man. In fact, I have given my seat to "more pregnant" women even though I am clearly quite pregnant.

On a side note- I have recently been giving a seat by young women, middle aged women, middle aged men, and even teenagers (shocked- so sweet). But as I observe people's behaviors I find it curious that I have NEVER been given a seat by a white man of any age despite on a few occasions staring right at them or literally falling in their lap. Ha.

[Anonymous]

He was totally wrong, but sometimes you just have to ask people to get up.

[Anonymous]

Ditto for me about white men and the metro. I'm really big and have had white men complain to me about bumping them, or act annoyed that I'm in their reading space, while I'm standing up trying really hard not to fall over.

The bus drivers do NOTHING to help. I'm 32 weeks and not once has a driver asked anyone to give me a seat. Some are polite, but others have sped away from me at the busstop if I was not at the exact spot at the exact time (even if I'm holding my belly to show them I'm pg).

[Anonymous]

To the pregnant women crying about why noone offered them a seat and they endured the whole metro ride, seething at the white male reading a paper - ASK THEM FOR THEIR SEAT! Christ - speak up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

One time when a seat opened I asked if I could have it b/c I'm pg, and a perfectly healthy middle-aged white man screamed "Oooh good for you!" like I was asking for the moon, and so I let him take the seat. Ever since then (and other incidents), I've never asked b/c I don't want to deal with busdriver backlash.

[Anonymous]

I'm afraid that if you want a seat, you'll have to just speak up. Otherwise, most of the time I wont happen. I don't know if people are clueless, selfish, or, they believe, in the words of a (never been pregnant) acquaintance that "pregnancy is not a disability, but a choice, so you have to live with the consequences."

I am 32 weeks, with a giant belly, and unless I ask for a seat, I generally don't get one. yesterday I stood in front of two healthy looking 30 somethings--one man, one woman--in the priority seating area. I didn't really need a seat, so didn't bother, but it was grimly amusing to see them sneak surreptitious looks at my belly, but not consider (or conceive of?) offering a seat. Last week, I actually had someone shove me out of the way to get to the open seat. I was like "Congrats! You just beat a pregnant lady to the last seat! way to go buddy!".

[Anonymous]

First, I would have said something to him. I have before. I've said it for other pregnant women before I was pregnant, and for the elderly (and for women with infants). If you embarrass someone, they will move. I love embarrassing rude people. It's satisfying.

There has got to be some kind of socio-psychological reason for this because I notice it, too! It's always white guys! I have been given seats by (mostly) women and sometimes black or hispanic men. I've never encountered a teenager or child, though. One time, a mother instructed her daughter to let a pregnant lady sit down, which impressed me. I like seeing parents teaching their kids manners.

I think white guys (and my husband and I are both white, so this is just an observation, not a racial slam) have a sense of entitlement to be rude and self-absorbed (or just plain ignorance and discourteousness), and most of them can be pretty gauche when it comes to things like this. They are exemplary of the "overworked, tired, indifferent, aloof, too-good-to-give-up-a-seat" businessman or jaded 20-something who feels that everyone should be treated poorly since *they* are blamed for everyone else's misery. What they fail to realize is that 1.) it's the law, and 2.) it's common decency.

I find the same is true of white guys and things like holding doors open, holding elevators, helping you get something off a shelf, picking something up that you dropped, etc. It's amazing. I am also generalizing here, and yes I realized that some white guys are considerate (my husband, for example).

I'm freakin' huge and I had my arms full with items from CVS yesterday because I couldn't find any baskets. I dropped a box of Band-Aids and there was a guy behind me (white guy, maybe 30'ish) just looking the other way even though he noticed me accidentally drop it. I actually had to leave it on the floor because I couldn't bend over, and I didn't have a free hand. Eventually, once I got to the cashier, I had to go back and pick them up off the floor. I gave the guy a dirty look, but it didn't phase him.

People are jerks.

[Anonymous]

I had the same problem on the metro. My balance is a bit off these days because my belly is huge so I just fell in some guy's lap. He won't make that mistake again.

[Anonymous]

When I was hugely pregnant, the bus driver would annouce "Make way for MAMA!" very loudly. Needless to say, I always got a seat.

Recently, I was on the buss with DD in a wrap and the driver announced "Need a priority seat for lady with a baby!" Again, several people got up.

I think DC bus drivers are great.

[Anonymous]

The bus is especially BAD! One time I was sitting in a window seat and had to get up at my stop and the portly guy on his cell phone next to me did that thing where he just turned sideways out of his seat rather than getting up. First, I hated when people did that when I wasn't pregnant! Now it's worse!

I was wondering the whole time, "Seriously?! Do you not see US?!" or "Thanks for the extra two inches of space but I need more like 24"." So I motioned to him with my hand to get up. He actually rolled his eyes, but did, and then proceeded to move toward the back door of the bus (where I was headed) and then stood in my way AGAIN.

Eventually I just said, "Excuse me, I need to get off the bus, can you please move!!??" He moved like an inch just to be an ass***e, and then I literally had to shove him aside into a group of other people just so I could get out the door. I should have stepped on his foot as I was leaving. I really wish I had.

[Anonymous]

I've walked through a bus filled with Boy Scouts and their leaders and not been offered a seat - luckily there was one in the back. Although I did ask once or twice while pregnant, sometimes I felt almost too dumbfounded to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was hugely pregnant, the bus driver would annouce "Make way for MAMA!" very loudly. Needless to say, I always got a seat.

Recently, I was on the buss with DD in a wrap and the driver announced "Need a priority seat for lady with a baby!" Again, several people got up.

I think DC bus drivers are great.

I like your bus drivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I would have said something to him. I have before. I've said it for other pregnant women before I was pregnant, and for the elderly (and for women with infants). If you embarrass someone, they will move. I love embarrassing rude people. It's satisfying.

There has got to be some kind of socio-psychological reason for this because I notice it, too! It's always white guys! I have been given seats by (mostly) women and sometimes black or hispanic men. I've never encountered a teenager or child, though. One time, a mother instructed her daughter to let a pregnant lady sit down, which impressed me. I like seeing parents teaching their kids manners.

I think white guys (and my husband and I are both white, so this is just an observation, not a racial slam) have a sense of entitlement to be rude and self-absorbed (or just plain ignorance and discourteousness), and most of them can be pretty gauche when it comes to things like this. They are exemplary of the "overworked, tired, indifferent, aloof, too-good-to-give-up-a-seat" businessman or jaded 20-something who feels that everyone should be treated poorly since *they* are blamed for everyone else's misery. What they fail to realize is that 1.) it's the law, and 2.) it's common decency.

I find the same is true of white guys and things like holding doors open, holding elevators, helping you get something off a shelf, picking something up that you dropped, etc. It's amazing. I am also generalizing here, and yes I realized that some white guys are considerate (my husband, for example).

I'm freakin' huge and I had my arms full with items from CVS yesterday because I couldn't find any baskets. I dropped a box of Band-Aids and there was a guy behind me (white guy, maybe 30'ish) just looking the other way even though he noticed me accidentally drop it. I actually had to leave it on the floor because I couldn't bend over, and I didn't have a free hand. Eventually, once I got to the cashier, I had to go back and pick them up off the floor. I gave the guy a dirty look, but it didn't phase him.

People are jerks.

My friend's comment on this phenomenon was that the laborer/blue collar guy looks at you and sees his wife or his sister; the white collar guy looks at you and sees his secretary and lost productivity.

[Anonymous]

Agree that white men don't offer seats. My guess is because they are too terrified to accidentally offer a seat to a women who's not pregnant. It's like that Dave Barry line: "Never ask a woman if she's pregnant, even if you see a baby appearing from between her legs."

You should really feel free to tap him on the shoulder and ask for the seat.

[Anonymous]

I'm the one who asked for an OPEN seat and was refused by the rude guy. To the person who said I should have said something, I did.

Also, not to be argumentative, but saying "you should ask," or "you should tap them on the shoulder," is blaming. Maybe DC residents and bus drivers should stop being so selfish and respect the law. (I know this is a generalization, I mean those who do not and obviously can SEE a struggling pg woman and either refuse or decide to let her keep struggling.)

Sorry to be so adamant--I've even been pushed aside and nearly fallen over, had my baby start kicking hard from being jostled so much, and otherwise had my commute made miserable during my entire pregnancy.

So don't we get to just vent here? without incurring advice on how it's our fault?