Spouse sued for sexual harassment

[Anonymous]

I don’t know the details of the case, but the employer dismissed it. I’ve always totally trusted my spouse but can’t help but wonder. Is that crazy?

[Anonymous]

I would wonder. My dad had accusations and my mom always dismissed them but years later it was clear he was cheating on her and we think they were all true. Trust but verify.

[Anonymous]

It’s usually the victim that sues not the employer. Are you saying the employer paid the victim off to settle? If so, Spouse is likely very guilty. Complaints are public. I’d go online and see if I could get a copy from the CourtHouse or go there. Why hasn’t your Spouse told you what happened? You seem super naive and way too trusting.

[Anonymous]

People use the term "sued" but I think what you mean here is "investigated" and the employer cleared him.

That happens a lot in the federal government, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know the details of the case, but the employer dismissed it. I’ve always totally trusted my spouse but can’t help but wonder. Is that crazy?

That's a problem right there. If my husband was accused of sexual harassment, I would expect him to tell me about it, and keep me apprised of the process.

And I agree with someone who said that an employer can't dismiss a lawsuit. Perhaps someone accused your spouse, and the employer investigated it and found the accusation not credible, or found that it didn't rise to the level of actionable harassment.

And no, it's not crazy to wonder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know the details of the case, but the employer dismissed it. I’ve always totally trusted my spouse but can’t help but wonder. Is that crazy?

That's a problem right there. If my husband was accused of sexual harassment, I would expect him to tell me about it, and keep me apprised of the process.

And I agree with someone who said that an employer can't dismiss a lawsuit. Perhaps someone accused your spouse, and the employer investigated it and found the accusation not credible, or found that it didn't rise to the level of actionable harassment.

And no, it's not crazy to wonder.

+1

Your husband should have kept you informed from the start, OP. It's hard to tell from your post--Did your DH tell you about this only after it was all over? Or, when he was first notified that he was being investigated? Did he ever talk to you about "that employee who seems to have it out for me" etc. before the harassment claim came up? Does he talk about his work, his coworkers in general--?

If you only found out about the allegations once all was done, did he tell you or did you find out some other way?

If he only told you after it was over, did he say he had been trying to spare you the upset of going through weeks or months waiting on pins and needles to find out the resolution?

Does he deny anything happened, or did he just present you the facts and said nothing about what happened with the person who perceived harassment?

The fact you posted here says that on some level you feel this is all...fishy. He may be absolutely innocent of any harassment--false claims do happen--but there is another issue here: Why are your marital communications so poor that you did not know about something as serious as potentially career-ending allegations until everything was over (if that's the case--there's no way to tell from the post)? Does he not want or need his wife's support when things are tough? Or does he compartmentalize work and wall everything about it off from you?

I've known a few couples where one person kept work strictly walled off from the spouse and in all those cases, there were issues at work that the person either wanted to struggle through without "bothering" the spouse or the person had something to hide about workplace problems. I do get that on some couples, the spouses don't want to "talk shop" and see home as a respite from work. But if your DH had something that serious going on and never tried to inform or prepare you before the investigation was complete--I'd wonder what else he was keeping to himself.

[Anonymous]

Omg I am on DCUM too much but there was a post like this in the last year or so. Someone whose DH worked in a remote location was part of a group of men accused of sexual harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg I am on DCUM too much but there was a post like this in the last year or so. Someone whose DH worked in a remote location was part of a group of men accused of sexual harassment.

Yes! Was just thinking about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg I am on DCUM too much but there was a post like this in the last year or so. Someone whose DH worked in a remote location was part of a group of men accused of sexual harassment.

Ah I knew I had read something like this before. I wonder if it's the same OP.

[Anonymous]

Guy here: I’ve had a woman at work pull me into HR for sexual discrimination because I didn’t hire her. I didn’t hire her because she wasn’t a good fit for the role. I had a pretty meticulous examination from HR and I had a LOT of explaining to do. It turns out that I was the 5th guy she had pulled into HR for various reasons.

[Anonymous]

I’m an attorney for a large company. The majority of sexual harassment cases I see arr bogus. Of course there are legit cases that should not be minimized, but I would want to know more if my husband was accused of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here: I’ve had a woman at work pull me into HR for sexual discrimination because I didn’t hire her. I didn’t hire her because she wasn’t a good fit for the role. I had a pretty meticulous examination from HR and I had a LOT of explaining to do. It turns out that I was the 5th guy she had pulled into HR for various reasons.

How did you manage the situation with your spouse? Was she aware of the situation from the beginning? That's what really relevant here.

[Anonymous]

My boss was fired for (pervasive, documented) sexual harassment. I often wonder how his marriage has fared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here: I’ve had a woman at work pull me into HR for sexual discrimination because I didn’t hire her. I didn’t hire her because she wasn’t a good fit for the role. I had a pretty meticulous examination from HR and I had a LOT of explaining to do. It turns out that I was the 5th guy she had pulled into HR for various reasons.

How did you manage the situation with your spouse? Was she aware of the situation from the beginning? That's what really relevant here.

Harassment and discrimination are qualitatively very different. Certainly within the context of marital fidelity/honesty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know the details of the case, but the employer dismissed it. I’ve always totally trusted my spouse but can’t help but wonder. Is that crazy?

He’s probably a flirt and has a wandering eye. Will probably cheat if he thinks he won’t get caught. Smoke, fire, all that.