If your spouse vacationed with their family without you and the kids....

[Anonymous]

Did you end up regretting it? When one spouse doesn't want to vacation with the other spouse's family, a frequent suggestion on this board is to let the other spouse vacation with their family alone. Or, take the kids on the vacation and let the one spouse have a break. I'm contemplating this but wonder if I'll regret it. Hence my question.

My reasons for considering that DH go on this trip with his family alone are: 1) we have young kids, one will be less than a year old. 2) In 10 years of marriage I've never once enjoyed a family vacation with DH's family. We've done several, and I have to remind myself repeatedly that I'm there because I love DH and he wants me there. 3) Related to #2 is DH's family is a big group - 35 people if all show up. It just turns into chaos, and our kids are younger than the other grand kids and tend to get overlooked a bit (DH has noticed this as well). I've always been perfectly happy seeing one of DH's siblings and their families. The whole group is too much for me. 4) DH and I simply have different priorities when it comes to money. He is super frugal and never wants to spend more than the bare minimum, and (I feel) gives me a hard time when I spend money on something he wouldn't (even groceries he wouldn't have purchased - no amount is too small). However, he has no problem flying across the country for a week (easily $1,600) and rent a house ($1,500) and car ($800) to vacation with his family. I am beyond frustrated with him giving me a hard time for what I spend money on, and then for him to turn around and be willing to spend thousands for a trip I won't enjoy. No, no, no, and no. Maybe this is too many issues for one post. My main question is whether anyone has regretted sending their DH to vacation alone with the in-laws.

[Anonymous]

It is not a big deal. Stop making it a big deal. If you want drama making it a big deal, you'll find drama.

[Anonymous]

Have done it and it's been great. If you try it and don't like it, whatever, change it up next time. Agree with the PP that you don't need to overthink it.

[Anonymous]

I think I’d regret not going. So I always negotiate in things that I want to do. Sometimes I go alone and sometimes we do some separate family things. Also I can always find some good in it, which combined with my spouses desire to do this makes it worth it. I also know that there are really some things only I want to do that we do l, which helps when it comes to sucking it up. When all else fails, there is wine and my kids.

[Anonymous]

I've been know to overthink from time to time.

[Anonymous]

There is no way I'd agree to that in less he took the kids and you got your own vacation. No way...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way I'd agree to that in less he took the kids and you got your own vacation. No way...

I totally agree. Also, get separate checking accounts so you aren’t both micromanaging spending. My DH has no clue what I spend.

[Anonymous]

Parents want to see their kids, bottom line. If you can gracefully pull out of an extended family vacation -- go for it. Maybe you go with DH and DCs, every other time.

I visit(ed) my parents without DH many times.

[Anonymous]

For me having a young kid wouldn't stop me from going on vacation, also, I wouldn't be happy if DH went and I stayed behind. You need to having conversations about $ and set your priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me having a young kid wouldn't stop me from going on vacation, also, I wouldn't be happy if DH went and I stayed behind. You need to having conversations about $ and set your priorities.

I meant to say I wouldn't be happy if DH went and I stayed behind with DC

[Anonymous]

OMG - I would.be jumping for joy and helping DH pack if he agreed to go on a vacation with his family and me and the kids could stay home. Other grandkids are 12-20 years older than our oldest, his parents dont connect with my DH, me or the kids (not for lack of trying on my part), and I cannot stand his family.

If only I could get out of those trips...

[Anonymous]

Nope, you and DH should be together as a unit.. all go, or no one goes. This sets a precedent and will become a slippery slope later in your marriage. Also it will make DH seem selfish by leaving you at home with young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you end up regretting it? When one spouse doesn't want to vacation with the other spouse's family, a frequent suggestion on this board is to let the other spouse vacation with their family alone. Or, take the kids on the vacation and let the one spouse have a break. I'm contemplating this but wonder if I'll regret it. Hence my question.

My reasons for considering that DH go on this trip with his family alone are: 1) we have young kids, one will be less than a year old. 2) In 10 years of marriage I've never once enjoyed a family vacation with DH's family. We've done several, and I have to remind myself repeatedly that I'm there because I love DH and he wants me there. 3) Related to #2 is DH's family is a big group - 35 people if all show up. It just turns into chaos, and our kids are younger than the other grand kids and tend to get overlooked a bit (DH has noticed this as well). I've always been perfectly happy seeing one of DH's siblings and their families. The whole group is too much for me. 4) DH and I simply have different priorities when it comes to money. He is super frugal and never wants to spend more than the bare minimum, and (I feel) gives me a hard time when I spend money on something he wouldn't (even groceries he wouldn't have purchased - no amount is too small). However, he has no problem flying across the country for a week (easily $1,600) and rent a house ($1,500) and car ($800) to vacation with his family. I am beyond frustrated with him giving me a hard time for what I spend money on, and then for him to turn around and be willing to spend thousands for a trip I won't enjoy. No, no, no, and no. Maybe this is too many issues for one post. My main question is whether anyone has regretted sending their DH to vacation alone with the in-laws.

There is A LOT of drama packed in here, but in a nutshell if my DH wanted to take the kids to visit his family for a week without me, that sounds like a dream come true. Being in the house alone by myself? I cant even imagine something so glorious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, you and DH should be together as a unit.. all go, or no one goes. This sets a precedent and will become a slippery slope later in your marriage. Also it will make DH seem selfish by leaving you at home with young children.

What exactly is the slippery slope? What do you think is the calamity that awaits their marriage? Very curious. Ive been on vacation with the kids alone and we've managed to remain married for 20years so far. I'd actually say we are happy. What doom awaits us?

[Anonymous]

Could he take the older kid or kids and you stay home w the under one year old??