If your spouse vacationed with their family without you and the kids....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could he take the older kid or kids and you stay home w the under one year old??

I would totally do it OP. Go for it. If it doesn’t work, you can always rearrange for next time. And I agree with the idea of the separate accounts of the pp.

[Anonymous]

I do something like that every year. DH has limited vacation, so in the summer I take the kids to our hometown and visit our families. Sometimes DH is with us for a weekend or so, sometimes he's not there at all. It's not a big deal either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could he take the older kid or kids and you stay home w the under one year old??

Why would she take a kid when the suggestion is to take both kids with him and give her a break? Your suggestion is nonsense in the context of what the OP wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you end up regretting it? When one spouse doesn't want to vacation with the other spouse's family, a frequent suggestion on this board is to let the other spouse vacation with their family alone. Or, take the kids on the vacation and let the one spouse have a break. I'm contemplating this but wonder if I'll regret it. Hence my question.

My reasons for considering that DH go on this trip with his family alone are: 1) we have young kids, one will be less than a year old. 2) In 10 years of marriage I've never once enjoyed a family vacation with DH's family. We've done several, and I have to remind myself repeatedly that I'm there because I love DH and he wants me there. 3) Related to #2 is DH's family is a big group - 35 people if all show up. It just turns into chaos, and our kids are younger than the other grand kids and tend to get overlooked a bit (DH has noticed this as well). I've always been perfectly happy seeing one of DH's siblings and their families. The whole group is too much for me. 4) DH and I simply have different priorities when it comes to money. He is super frugal and never wants to spend more than the bare minimum, and (I feel) gives me a hard time when I spend money on something he wouldn't (even groceries he wouldn't have purchased - no amount is too small). However, he has no problem flying across the country for a week (easily $1,600) and rent a house ($1,500) and car ($800) to vacation with his family. I am beyond frustrated with him giving me a hard time for what I spend money on, and then for him to turn around and be willing to spend thousands for a trip I won't enjoy. No, no, no, and no. Maybe this is too many issues for one post. My main question is whether anyone has regretted sending their DH to vacation alone with the in-laws.

Is your husband a moron and unable to care for 2 small children? Dear lord you have problems then.

[Anonymous]

What would you regret?

It is awesome. If you, the Mom, are not there, people will help your DH watch the kids, so he will get a break also. And you get a break.

My husband did this when my son was young and I missed him, but it was good for me to have some time away. As my son got older, I could totally relax and enjoy the free time.

This will not resolve the money issues, but why go and spend more if you are miserable. I totally get the “I like the family but 35 of them are too much”

[Anonymous]

After 10 years of not feeling welcome around DH's parents, I stayed home for the first time this summer while DH went up with his brother to visit his parents and other family members. It was wonderful! Although DH was 100% on board with me not going and didn't really even want to go himself. If it was important to him that I went I probably would have.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I each do this about once a year. We get along with each other's parents (granted they are not without fault either) and get together as a whole a lot, but schedules and sometimes budget means one of us takes DS and the other stays home. There is no resentment. It works out beautifully and it's actually nice for each of us to spend some time with our parents and have our attention really be on them.

But, we have none of the issues you describe in your post. There is no resentment for us because there is simply nothing to resent. No one spends over their means. No one takes advantage. No one is annoyed the other spouse didnt come. Plus, we take vacations together too

[Anonymous]

you and DH should be together as a unit.. all go, or no one goes. This sets a precedent and will become a slippery slope later in your marriage

Goodness no! Marriage survive with time apart. We aren't all so fragile. We have other relationships that need to be nurtured throughout our lives. For a month every year I leave and take care of my Mother

[Anonymous]

We will not be doing this this until the kids were much older. But lots of families do.

Husband's whole paternal side of his family has ADHD, including him, so it's a $hit$hoe of accidents. Kid almost got run over by ADHD grandpa twice - Huh, he follows me out to the driveway?huh? - and other kid has windy doors smalling on her small fingers daily - Huh, child hangs on the door frame and hinge when standing there by the blowing door? huh? Family and friends stop by to chat with husband and they totally forget there are pre-schoolers running around the house and yard hurting themselves.

Grandma enables all this dysfunction but even she is in over her head when hosting her ADHD son, our two kids and her ADHD husband. She can't watch the kids because half the time she is cooking or cleaning and husband and Gramps can't cook, clean or watch the kids because they're totally out of it.

So no. We have yet to leave our kids with that side of the family for clear safety reasons. Even with my husband. Maybe when are kids are over age 10 and if they do not have ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, you and DH should be together as a unit.. all go, or no one goes. This sets a precedent and will become a slippery slope later in your marriage. Also it will make DH seem selfish by leaving you at home with young children.

What exactly is the slippery slope? What do you think is the calamity that awaits their marriage? Very curious. Ive been on vacation with the kids alone and we've managed to remain married for 20years so far. I'd actually say we are happy. What doom awaits us?

Same here, pushing 25 years of marriage

[Anonymous]

Why don't you stay home with the under 1 year old? He will need naps and can't do much.

That is annoying that he will spend all that money and give you issues about other stuff. Why don't you get an equal amount to spend as you wish without question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG - I would.be jumping for joy and helping DH pack if he agreed to go on a vacation with his family and me and the kids could stay home. Other grandkids are 12-20 years older than our oldest, his parents dont connect with my DH, me or the kids (not for lack of trying on my part), and I cannot stand his family.

If only I could get out of those trips...

+1

OP, other send your DCs or don't. Besides, in a few years the older kids will be doing their own thing, and the "vacation" will fizzle out, giving you more time for your own (nuclear) family vacations, that you really enjoy - where and with whom you want to enjoy them.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely try it and see how it goes. You aren't signing up to do it every year. I would also consider having him go for a shorter time vs. the full week of the vacation. He can make his appearance, get in some good quality time and then get back to you and the kids.

[Anonymous]

I've sent DW to vacation without me and she keeps coming back!

(Ba-Dump-BUMP!)

[Anonymous]

Book a lovely vacation for yourself and the kids while your spouse has some family time.