God, I hate my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me too.

Mine is an abusive bully to me and the kids. My oldest is exhibiting symptoms of anxiety now. God forbid I address the way he behaves towards her and experience his wrath. We're all on eggshells, just how he likes it.

I'm not saying he's a narcissist but when I google the things he says and does, pathological narcissism is what comes up. Every time.

Why are you living like this? He is damaging your kids. Get out.

I don't have a job. I was scheduled to start an 18 month program to reenter the work force last Spring that was delayed due to covid. Then I became pregnant after a birth control failure. So I didn't enter the program as it was in person and I didn't feel comfortable with the risks while pregnant. Now I have a newborn. I can't leave him now with 50% custody of all these young kids who can't defend themselves. My plan last year was to be free within 18 months. Now I have to wait until the baby is old enough to fend for herself during his time. I worry every hour of every day about the damage he is inflicting on our children. I just try to overcompensate by being a model mother for them.

[Anonymous]

Wow. After reading this thread I just went and gave my h of 24 years a huge kiss on the lips. So many of you married poorly!

[Anonymous]

To the above poster, do everything you can do to get strong to leave. You can keep the infant when the others visit or it's entirely possible that he won't have as much interest in seeing the kids as you think.

But don't let hypothethicals stop you.

[Anonymous]

Since this is the I Hate my Husband thread, if you're not having issues or here to be supportive, why are you here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same. Can't even find a couples counselor - they're all booked up.

Likely due to the pandemic.

Probably every marriage is on life support after a year of being cooped up together!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. After reading this thread I just went and gave my h of 24 years a huge kiss on the lips. So many of you married poorly!

Well, I didn't get married. We live together and have a child, but we are so over each other. He is available, ladies. Decent guy and comes with a lovely boy (part time) I hope. I really don't know how to move out of his apartment and how we going to share the child. DC can stay with his father ofcourse (good dad, not great). I don't think he will even allow me to have our boy in my new apartment, but at some point I have to do it. If not, I'll be living in his bedroom for the next 10 years and I'm allowed to go out only if the child wants to go out.
He is one of those family-need-to-be-together types, no wonder we are so over each other. I cannot imagine going for a walk unless I act like I'm going to grocery store. He would argue with it, but how do you explain him not having friends and me hardy ever seeing my friend in the last 8 years. It's just his expectations and unspoken rules. Easy for him to argue against them, but I would never not see my friends of go out for a walk unless he whines about it. I grew up on a farm and love outdoor. Please help me to leave him. How do I choose walking outdoors and being able to see my friends over not seeing my son every day?
It does feel like it could be done as the child gets older. Right now I hope DH offers me to move out. If you are my DH, just offer to help me find a place and say that it is ok to move out. We are so done and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read the empowered wife

Tried that. Didn't work at all. Turns out those tactics aren't very effective with an actual abusive man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really used to hate my husband until he died.

Lucky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me too.

Mine is an abusive bully to me and the kids. My oldest is exhibiting symptoms of anxiety now. God forbid I address the way he behaves towards her and experience his wrath. We're all on eggshells, just how he likes it.

I'm not saying he's a narcissist but when I google the things he says and does, pathological narcissism is what comes up. Every time.

Why are you living like this? He is damaging your kids. Get out.

DP.. here's the thing.. if she leaves, more than likely they will get joint custody. On the days that the father has the kid, OP won't be there to be a buffer.

I'd rather live with this ahole than allow my kids to be subjected to his a$$holery alone.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes husbands are assholes because their wives don't want to have sex. Sometimes wives don't want to have sex because their husbands are assholes, but I really don't think the correlations either way are that strong.

But mostly, I feel bad for OP's kid. It's appropriate for OP to dislike her husband because of it, but even that probably shouldn't be the central point here. OP's kid has not choice and never had a choice about being raised by this overbearing douche-nozzle who is giving him static for the unforgivable sin of not being great at sports. I can be pretty forceful on the discipline front when there is a need. But at the same time, I try to make it clear to my kids (who are teens now) every time they walk into a room where I happen to be that I'm happy they're around.

I feel bad for kids who have to wonder if their parents even like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me too.

Mine is an abusive bully to me and the kids. My oldest is exhibiting symptoms of anxiety now. God forbid I address the way he behaves towards her and experience his wrath. We're all on eggshells, just how he likes it.

I'm not saying he's a narcissist but when I google the things he says and does, pathological narcissism is what comes up. Every time.

Why are you living like this? He is damaging your kids. Get out.

DP.. here's the thing.. if she leaves, more than likely they will get joint custody. On the days that the father has the kid, OP won't be there to be a buffer.

I'd rather live with this ahole than allow my kids to be subjected to his a$$holery alone.

No you can document abuse. Kid can go see a counselor to document the effects. She is not protecting her kids. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ well, ok. How about the @ssholes that cheat when getting sex at home? Plenty of those.

No, there are not "plenty" of those. really. For every married cheating guy who gets sex at home, there are 25 sexless marriages where the guy is (of course!) cheating.
You are not only wrong but completely off topic, see thread title.

There are plenty of cheaters who get it at home. Desperate cheaters just don't want to believe it.

There's never a reason to cheat. People with poor morals will always makes excuses for their bad behavior. If one is cheating they are the sole problem, not their victim.

The fact remains that all of these "I hate my husband... yet I have not divorced him" wives are being cheated upon. It has nothing to do with morals, there is no problem, there are no victims or excuses.
In case of a low sex platonic room mate marriage where the wife hates her husband, there is no integrity issue whatsoever involved with his cheating.
This is the only thing preventing divorce. So stop with your off base judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ well, ok. How about the @ssholes that cheat when getting sex at home? Plenty of those.

No, there are not "plenty" of those. really. For every married cheating guy who gets sex at home, there are 25 sexless marriages where the guy is (of course!) cheating.
You are not only wrong but completely off topic, see thread title.

There are plenty of cheaters who get it at home. Desperate cheaters just don't want to believe it.

There's never a reason to cheat. People with poor morals will always makes excuses for their bad behavior. If one is cheating they are the sole problem, not their victim.

The fact remains that all of these "I hate my husband... yet I have not divorced him" wives are being cheated upon. It has nothing to do with morals, there is no problem, there are no victims or excuses.
In case of a low sex platonic room mate marriage where the wife hates her husband, there is no integrity issue whatsoever involved with his cheating.
This is the only thing preventing divorce. So stop with your off base judgement.

Thanks, Columbo. Would love to know the source of this fact (your own @$$?).

[Anonymous]

My husband won’t have sex. Does he hate me? And/or he just fat, lazy, and porn addicted? If he charges all that could I heal enough from his rejection to to be happy together again? We once were.


It’s never that simple. If it were most of us wound figure out how to do the repair work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me too.

Mine is an abusive bully to me and the kids. My oldest is exhibiting symptoms of anxiety now. God forbid I address the way he behaves towards her and experience his wrath. We're all on eggshells, just how he likes it.

I'm not saying he's a narcissist but when I google the things he says and does, pathological narcissism is what comes up. Every time.

Why are you living like this? He is damaging your kids. Get out.

DP.. here's the thing.. if she leaves, more than likely they will get joint custody. On the days that the father has the kid, OP won't be there to be a buffer.

I'd rather live with this ahole than allow my kids to be subjected to his a$$holery alone.

No you can document abuse. Kid can go see a counselor to document the effects. She is not protecting her kids. Period.

I am the PP you're referring to and I discussed documenting his abuse with my divorce attorney. She said unless it's horrific and I can prove it's ongoing without resorting to secret recordings (MD is a two party consent state) than to count on 50/50 custody. My abusive husband made it clear if I tried to paint him in a negative light during divorce hearings, he would go full tilt on allegations that I am he abusive one. The main difference is that he has a lot more money to spend on lawyers than I do. I am using free legal aid, he has a team of the best on retainer.

How wonderful for you that you don't seem to be able to grasp the nuances involved with leaving an abuser. Consider yourself lucky that you've not fallen into the web of one of them. Perhaps if you have a daughter, she will. Keep that in mind while judging me.