Supposed to basically just guess where to apply? What are we missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The advice about recognizing bias seems important. I went to an Ivy and my husband went to a huge state school. Our son really wants a small LAC which to us is not worth the price and would not have fit with our personalities.

I'm trying not to base my opinions of schools on what they were like 20+ years ago!

+1 Try really hard to remove your ego and interests from the equation. Kids can pick up on the slightest bit of pressure. My DS was very clear in his desire for a big state school within a reasonable drive from home. I tossed out a lot of ideas that he had no interest in -- generally because he thought they were too far -- and I had to let it go. There were smaller schools I thought could be great for him but also nixed those ideas. In the end, he applied to 4 schools. In at 2, denied at 1, waiting on the last (of course, that last one is his first choice). After recent conversations with friends whose kids applied to 20+ schools because they have no idea what they want I'm much more appreciative of DS's clarity.

OTOH, if you're paying for the education, do you have to agree to pay for somewhere that you don't think is "worth the price"? I wouldn't be paying for private HS now if I didn't think it was worth it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The advice about recognizing bias seems important. I went to an Ivy and my husband went to a huge state school. Our son really wants a small LAC which to us is not worth the price and would not have fit with our personalities.

I'm trying not to base my opinions of schools on what they were like 20+ years ago!

+1 Try really hard to remove your ego and interests from the equation. Kids can pick up on the slightest bit of pressure. My DS was very clear in his desire for a big state school within a reasonable drive from home. I tossed out a lot of ideas that he had no interest in -- generally because he thought they were too far -- and I had to let it go. There were smaller schools I thought could be great for him but also nixed those ideas. In the end, he applied to 4 schools. In at 2, denied at 1, waiting on the last (of course, that last one is his first choice). After recent conversations with friends whose kids applied to 20+ schools because they have no idea what they want I'm much more appreciative of DS's clarity.

OTOH, if you're paying for the education, do you have to agree to pay for somewhere that you don't think is "worth the price"? I wouldn't be paying for private HS now if I didn't think it was worth it

This. I'm the PP. DS does have a budget to work with and was mindful that any of his college fund not spent on undergrad he gets to use for grad school so he was motivated to stick with the budget. There are schools we would not have paid for but I don't think any of those were ever on his radar as he was interested in big state flagships or tech schools (applied math/data science major). And, I spent time with him early the process talking about how to evaluate a school on things like grad rate, retention rate, likelihood of aid, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

+100 I am trying to imagine a scenario where my kid would even give me log on information to access the common app!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

I applaud the first poster for being honest. And I agree - many parents lie or pull the wool over their eyes, acting like they aren't as involved as they really are. Or, for those of you who are paying the big bucks to send your kids to private schools - this is one place where you are getting your money's worth. I have found many of my friends who say 'i haven't lifted a finger for Larla's college search and application process' actually have counselors, teachers, advisors at their school who ARE doing it for them. they may not be filling out the commonapp or uploading the essays but they ARE giving a lot of guidance to their kids that they are not getting from their parents. The experience of the private school college counselors, even just a small conversation or brief meeting, are very helpful compared to what my son's public HS has offered - which is zero personalized help. I'm not expecting a handout but I expected more from my public HS counselors. And with everything virtual, I'm given links to watch pre-recorded programs with the same resources everyone here is providing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

GMAFB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

GMAFB

NP. I am genuinely curious about whether these parents think their kids are going to do just fine in college all on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

I applaud the first poster for being honest. And I agree - many parents lie or pull the wool over their eyes, acting like they aren't as involved as they really are. Or, for those of you who are paying the big bucks to send your kids to private schools - this is one place where you are getting your money's worth. I have found many of my friends who say 'i haven't lifted a finger for Larla's college search and application process' actually have counselors, teachers, advisors at their school who ARE doing it for them. they may not be filling out the commonapp or uploading the essays but they ARE giving a lot of guidance to their kids that they are not getting from their parents. The experience of the private school college counselors, even just a small conversation or brief meeting, are very helpful compared to what my son's public HS has offered - which is zero personalized help. I'm not expecting a handout but I expected more from my public HS counselors. And with everything virtual, I'm given links to watch pre-recorded programs with the same resources everyone here is providing.

Again, read the bolded type, it is active involvement in the actual administrative matters pertaining to their child's college apps, not "advising"...If a child cannot do this on their own then maybe they need to find something else to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

Love the attitude here. Poster assumes that we're all "baked" by 17 years old. Maturity, ambitions are set in stone. No one changes thereafter, if you aren't motivated now you never will be.

Idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

GMAFB

NP. I am genuinely curious about whether these parents think their kids are going to do just fine in college all on their own.

No, they will be wiping their nose and doing their laundry....GFMAFB person is a the one still making warm milk and making little she/he's bed in the morning after tea and biscuits....pathetic

[Anonymous]

OP-

I'm really confused by this "supposed to guess" thing. I mean, my parents, and (millions of others), came here to study from third world countries. There weren't people in their villages discussing the best place to go in the Mid-Atlantic for engineering and what their chances were. They had to do a ton of research and figure things out and this was before there was internet. Come on, complaining that this is not easy enough for you? Naviance should be a perfect science that spits out exactly what you need to do? Yeah, it takes effort. The only way out is through, as they say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

Love the attitude here. Poster assumes that we're all "baked" by 17 years old. Maturity, ambitions are set in stone. No one changes thereafter, if you aren't motivated now you never will be.

Idiot.

Glad you loved the attitude, no one assumed everyone was "baked" by 17 years old. No one assumed that ambitions were set in stone and no one changes thereafter. If you aren't motivated to complete your applications without mommy's help take a gap year and work at a retail store or frame a house to get a little perspective on where you want to go in life.

[Anonymous]

I have four now middle-aged friends who each fell in love with one particular school and then were crushed when they didn't get in. They all ended up doing well at great schools but they never fully liked their time in college because they always thought "What if..." They still seem sad about it decades later.

I want to avoid this for my child but it means I'm staying a bit more involved in the process than I would like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

GMAFB

NP. I am genuinely curious about whether these parents think their kids are going to do just fine in college all on their own.

No, they will be wiping their nose and doing their laundry....GFMAFB person is a the one still making warm milk and making little she/he's bed in the morning after tea and biscuits....pathetic

And you've got it all figured out GMAFB means - oh my god, you think that my kid isn't college ready because they are letting their parents do some of the administrative stuff for college apps? I'm glad to hear that you think that most 17/18 year olds are so mature and can naviagate life so perfectly that if they get a little help from anyone, they are doomed DOOMED for some other path in life. There is still a lot of personal and cognitive growth that occurs in the young adult's life, my dear. Some kids figure it out sooner than others.

Be glad your money paid for the counseling and guidance at your private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of parents that lie. I was watching an interview of one of the less well known kids caught up in the cheating scandal. He said his parents told all his friends that he did all the work to get into Yale himself. While most parents don’t have the money to bribe like these folks many parents lie about SAT and GPA or initiative. While that was obviously wrong, it’s not unethical to lead your kid to the water.

My smart kid was not interested in researching colleges. She wanted only ONE school and that’s probably where she will end up but it would have been foolish to have had her apply only to the ONE school.

What I did was ask her questions like do you want warm or cold weather etc? Do you want a big or small school? What’s else is important to you? I found schools in our budget that matched her desires. I told her to apply to 8 of these schools. Other than favorite she chose ones that generally required less extra effort. I did all the administrative paperwork filled in her grades SRAR etc and sent her emails with Essay prompts. I bugged her daily last August to get them in. Essays prompt responses were completely hers but I inputted them into the portal. She had a 34 ACT and 3.79 GPA UW.

Speechless.

I was the PP at 14:26 and 15:08...I seriously can't believe that parents think that is OK. Do they fill out job applications too? When little she/he starts college in the next 12 months are they going to be writing their paper's too? I mean cut the leash people, if your child isn't motivated, intelligent, savvy or capable of navigating this process with minimal guidance than maybe they need to find another path in life.

Love the attitude here. Poster assumes that we're all "baked" by 17 years old. Maturity, ambitions are set in stone. No one changes thereafter, if you aren't motivated now you never will be.

Idiot.

Glad you loved the attitude, no one assumed everyone was "baked" by 17 years old. No one assumed that ambitions were set in stone and no one changes thereafter. If you aren't motivated to complete your applications without mommy's help take a gap year and work at a retail store or frame a house to get a little perspective on where you want to go in life.

This is RICH, thanks for making me laugh.