Tell me what divorce will be like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

lol. you know what would definitely shorten my lifespan? Staying with my STBX. Not to mention it would destroy my quality of life, which is important too. Do you think people who divorce can't do basic math?

This is what selfish people who don't care about their kids always say.

That's what people who don't understand how much it hurts kids to live in a toxic environment with two parents who hate each other say. Do you honestly think it's a good idea for parents who can't stand each other to live in the same house? So how about if I stay with him until my kid goes to college - then do I ALSO have to stay with him until we die together at each other's throats in assisted living? And you think this would be somehow better for our child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Great, for now. His feelings and coping may change as he grows. Be aware and prepared.

Any child’s can. Heck, there might be onset of mental illness, happens to the best of us.
It is so pathetic that people see divorce as something evil.
Staying together and suffering is what’s evil.

There are definitely divorces that are evil - i.e., the product of selfishness rather than actual "suffering". (No, your sexual and emotional boredom does not constitute "suffering".)

There's no need to shame divorced people; I understand the reflex until my sister mustered the courage to leave an abusive man. The kids are doing better without him there.

Some divorced people deserve to be shamed.

Every woman who gets divorced claims she was "abused" and that "the kids are doing better now" -- which doesn't necessarily make it so.

Plus 1000 (signed a divorced woman.)

Everyone woman who gets divorced is an evil or deluded liar who doesn't care about or understand her kids; and every man who gets divorced is her victim. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 42. I wanted out of my marriage before kids but got trapped with an unplanned pregnancy. I waited too long. 10 long years. Will be divorced within months.

But here is the thing--I am not getting remarried. Dating is not on my mind at all. If I meet someone someday, great. If not, that's fine. I can find a FWB. I am not getting divorced thinking about another husband. I will not remarry. I will not do the blended family thing. I am getting divorced with being single forever being perfectly fine because being single is better than a bad and joyless marriage. I would not divorce on the idea that I would trade up in dating. Maybe you are not doing that. But make sure you are divorcing for the right reasons.

Divorce is not necessarily expensive. Ours will be under 4k total.

It's not the divorce, it's the cost of maintaining two households for the rest of your lives. Right now I'm trying to help pay for my parents' assisted living and it's obvious to all of us that married, they could have a much nicer place. Two single arrangements is far more costly and we/they just can't afford anything nice.

I’d rather pay for two households even though my quality of life will deceasing. It will cost way more emotionally and living with regret if I do not divorce. The cost of living as a single person is worth it. I do not consider that a cost of divorce. I consider that a cost of living—which I had when I was single before marriage. The tiny benefit of finances is not worth it. Also, I work. No financial benefit to stay married. I do not care about having a smaller place.

OMG, I would absolutely trade living in a miserable assisted living apartment with my STBX for living alone in a Medicaid nursing home. Absolutely zero question. You anti-divorce people aren't quite grasping that divorce comes when you CANNOT LIVE WITH the other person. I'm miserable now with him, and I can't imagine how much more miserable I would be with him in our 80s in assisted living! WTF!

Easy to say now. But when you get a look at what Medicaid actually funds, you may feel differently. Some of these places are downright unsafe and shorten life span.

I'm not saying don't divorce if you really feel you need to. But when people say that divorce is expensive, this is what they're trying to tell you. Do it with your eyes open.

lol. you know what would definitely shorten my lifespan? Staying with my STBX. Not to mention it would destroy my quality of life, which is important too. Do you think people who divorce can't do basic math?

Most people are terrible at long-term planning, so yeah, kinda. Divorce if you want, but plan accordingly and don't delude yourself about the true cost of eldercare.

[Anonymous]

Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a year to date? Would people give a man the same advice? I doubt it. Good luck and don’t stay lonely and celibate for a year, get out there!

Lawyer will say wait a year to date because adultery is a crime in many states and cause for an at-fault divorce and a bitter ex can hire a PI to prove it and you are basically screwed if they want to go to war.

Funny, my lawyer didn’t say that.

My lawyer didn't say that either. DCUM's legal advice is awful! All that happens is that the spouse (me) that had the affair can't get spousal support. Other than that, we split everything 50/50 and went 50/50 on custody. He gives me #1,000 a month in child support. He wanted to keep all the savings, but the court really didn't care that I cheated, as long as I was not expecting alimony. He fought, I admitted to the affair, and we still ended up exactly where we were in our first meeting with the mediator. Could have saved 10K had he not fought so hard....

FWIW....I am a woman and I am the one that cheated, ended my marriage, and got remarried 2 years later with my AP.

Not getting spousal support is a big deal for some women.

And, yes, adultery is actually a crime in some states (notably Virginia), hence the higher burden of proof.

But, no, it doesn't generally affect division of property or custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

Can you say more about why you did not retain competent legal counsel to enforce the court orders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

Can you say more about why you did not retain competent legal counsel to enforce the court orders?

Also what is the "divorce lie"? Is this some weird kind of MRA thing that is supposed to simultaneously convince us that women are horrible harpies who ruin their children, and that they are also falling for the "divorce lie" and unjustly divorcing their spouses? Which one is it? Why would you want to stay married to such a terrible person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

Can you say more about why you did not retain competent legal counsel to enforce the court orders?

I did retain competent legal counsel and paid a lot of money for it. The judge actually stated in open court that he is unwilling to sanction a single mother. Its bad optics for an elected official. Unless you have been a father in family court you can not relate to my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

Can you say more about why you did not retain competent legal counsel to enforce the court orders?

Also what is the "divorce lie"? Is this some weird kind of MRA thing that is supposed to simultaneously convince us that women are horrible harpies who ruin their children, and that they are also falling for the "divorce lie" and unjustly divorcing their spouses? Which one is it? Why would you want to stay married to such a terrible person?

There are so many divorce lies. One is "children are resilient".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

This is very accurate and I'm a woman. There are a lot of "angry" men and women in the dating pool who are in their 30's and 40's. Believe me, the
grass isn't greener (my husband wanted the divorce).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

Can you say more about why you did not retain competent legal counsel to enforce the court orders?

I did retain competent legal counsel and paid a lot of money for it. The judge actually stated in open court that he is unwilling to sanction a single mother. Its bad optics for an elected official. Unless you have been a father in family court you can not relate to my experience.

I don't believe you. Court orders are enforceable. For whatever reason, you let her violate the court order (or you had terrible lawyers). Or you are exaggerating, or you are lying. It's not about sanctioning her but about enforcing the order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

Thank you for posting. This is a very realistic scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

Thank you for posting. This is a very realistic scenario.

There's not a single thing realistic about it. PP's wife is a horrible shrew, his children are extremely emotionally harmed, he refused to do anything about it, was forced to take a giant paycut to take a non-travel job (even after his wife refused any custody of the kids), then he magically married a thinner, prettier woman at the 7/8 year mark! This guy is a toxic loser, 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

Can you say more about why you did not retain competent legal counsel to enforce the court orders?

JFC. Lawyers CANNOT enforce court orders. Only courts (and the police) can enforce court orders. If a judge isn't going to do anything then there is nothing a lawyer can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife wanted divorce and here is what it looks like 10 year out...

1. kids are REALLY messed up:
Daughter went from talking about being a doctor pre-divorce to a suicidal cutter in therapy with low self esteem at about the 5 year mark.
Son who participated in MATHCOUTS and went to a STEM focus high school refused to take the SATs or fill out applications for college got fired from his summer job and is just working at fast food and still doesn't have a drivers license.

2. Years spent in court.
Ex decided to break custody agreement and not allow me to have access and possession of the kids.
Several years of being in court and "winning" only to have her NEVER comply with the court orders and NEVER get any sanctions. I haven't had access to my kids except on the phone for about 5 years. I believe this is a major factor in the kids outcomes.

3. Financially it was devastating. I earn in the top 5% so I'm not doing well by DCUM standards. I'll never be able to retire.

4. It also upended my career and I'm earning less money than pre-divorce. Post divorce I took a job without travel and allows me to work at home so that I could have access and possession of my kids. See item 2 above so this didn't help.

5. As for dating, I didn't date for about 1.5 years. The first 9 months I was very upset and depressed. I think that it took several years to start to heal but I miss my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY.

6. I did date and re-marry at about the 7-8 year mark. I think that if I had not been so damaged by the divorce I would have had much more "fun" in the dating market but simply was not in the dating mindset much of the time. There were too many other worries and concerns. When I did date/marry I married someone that is taller, thinner, younger, and prettier than my ex so there is that...

There were a few never married AND divorced women that lost interest after finding out that I was divorced. They were usually concerned about dealing with and ex but MORE PARTICULARLY concerned about child support payment obligations. There was also a few that were stepping out into the dating pool but never really jumped in because of their own kid obligations. Bottom line is that people say they love kids but the truth is that they love their own kids not other peoples kids.


In conclusion: because OP is already talking about dating as she is considering divorce it looks like she has bought into the divorce lie hook, line, and sinker...

Thank you for posting. This is a very realistic scenario.

There's not a single thing realistic about it. PP's wife is a horrible shrew, his children are extremely emotionally harmed, he refused to do anything about it, was forced to take a giant paycut to take a non-travel job (even after his wife refused any custody of the kids), then he magically married a thinner, prettier woman at the 7/8 year mark! This guy is a toxic loser, 100%.

You seem to lack reading comprehension skills (or want to be in denial about how bad things can get). His wife refused him access to the kids -- not "refuse custody" but basically stole the kids and wouldn't allow him communication with his children -- with terrible consequences for his children. He voluntarily switched jobs but it didn't do him any good. He's a victim, but as usual when a man is the victim women want to write him off as a "toxic loser".