Tell me what divorce will be like

[Anonymous]

I’m on the brink and the only thing at this point holding me back is fear of the unknown. I’m not sure exactly WHAT I’m afraid of- loneliness? Embarrassment about my failed marriage?

I’d love to know what to expect in terms of life, dating again, so on.

I am 35, attractive, 2 young kids (one has mild SN and is a huge handful). I work a lot but have a high income (particularly for a woman my age, I’m probably in the 1%). But, I also probably won’t have money to burn given the increased expenses associated with divorce.

I have a nagging feeling that the dating scene is rough.

[Anonymous]

If you’re worried about the dating part now you are going to have a rough time. You should only divorce when you believe that even if you never met anyone else again, you would still be better off not in this relationship with this person. Your sole focus if you are really pursuing this should be ensuring you and your kids are whole and happy and healthy and stable. Dating should not be on your radar for one year MINIMUM when you divorce with young kids. And I’m not some Puritan holy roller, I support people divorcing when it’s best, but if you go or stay based on your dating prospects, you will not have an easy time of it either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re worried about the dating part now you are going to have a rough time. You should only divorce when you believe that even if you never met anyone else again, you would still be better off not in this relationship with this person. Your sole focus if you are really pursuing this should be ensuring you and your kids are whole and happy and healthy and stable. Dating should not be on your radar for one year MINIMUM when you divorce with young kids. And I’m not some Puritan holy roller, I support people divorcing when it’s best, but if you go or stay based on your dating prospects, you will not have an easy time of it either way.

Agreed 100% - former single Mom. I didn't date for 1 year to recover. It took 7 years of dating to find a really good match. It will NOT happen overnight.

[Anonymous]

Your high needs children will become even higher needs. Considering your office priorities, who will parent your children? Do you have a good therapist? Would you consider marriage counseling? For the sake of the children? At this point, anyways.
My best friend is staying married only because she doesn’t want to risk some other woman becoming the stepmother of her children. And partially replacing her.

[Anonymous]

You are worried about dating? I would be worried about my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are worried about dating? I would be worried about my kids

I am about to be divorced - as in, papers are signed and filed, STBX has bought a new place and will move out soon, and we are about to tell the kids - and yeah dating is the farthest thing from my mind now. Breaks my heart to think of the bomb we're going to drop on the kids. Think it will be a surprise because we have not had any overt conflicts in front of them.

[Anonymous]

It’s really trading one set of problems for another. No longer have a man baby to worry about however. If you are fit you won’t have trouble dating.

[Anonymous]

Wait a year to date? Would people give a man the same advice? I doubt it. Good luck and don’t stay lonely and celibate for a year, get out there!

[Anonymous]

I got divorced at 34, married a man 10 years younger than me, and we have an awesome life. Best choice I ever made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait a year to date? Would people give a man the same advice? I doubt it. Good luck and don’t stay lonely and celibate for a year, get out there!

Of course! Focus on your kids whose world is about to be rocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait a year to date? Would people give a man the same advice? I doubt it. Good luck and don’t stay lonely and celibate for a year, get out there!

Um yeah, I am that PP and I would of course tell a man the same thing.

[Anonymous]

I am 9 months in. Expect:

Pros:

Relief, periods of freedom if you actually trade off kids, excitement of new lovers and new space (dating isn’t that rough, especially for someone your age).

Cons:

You will continue fighting with your ex. Your children will be unbelievably screwed up and permanently damaged (although remaining in a bad marriage will damage them too), much tighter finances, some frustrations on dating scene, trouble focusing at work, and logistical issues with kids and pets. Also, lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait a year to date? Would people give a man the same advice? I doubt it. Good luck and don’t stay lonely and celibate for a year, get out there!

Lawyer will say wait a year to date because adultery is a crime in many states and cause for an at-fault divorce and a bitter ex can hire a PI to prove it and you are basically screwed if they want to go to war.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are worried about dating? I would be worried about my kids

I am about to be divorced - as in, papers are signed and filed, STBX has bought a new place and will move out soon, and we are about to tell the kids - and yeah dating is the farthest thing from my mind now. Breaks my heart to think of the bomb we're going to drop on the kids. Think it will be a surprise because we have not had any overt conflicts in front of them.

Trust me when I tell you they know more than you think and may not be surprised or shocked. That said, this will permanently mess them up. Be sure they are in therapy. Even if they think they are fine, the amount of damage you and your ex are inflicting on them can not be overstated. And staying together would likely be worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a year to date? Would people give a man the same advice? I doubt it. Good luck and don’t stay lonely and celibate for a year, get out there!

Lawyer will say wait a year to date because adultery is a crime in many states and cause for an at-fault divorce and a bitter ex can hire a PI to prove it and you are basically screwed if they want to go to war.

DCUM School of Law strikes again!