Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?

[Anonymous]

Sure, anything is possible, but there's plenty of data suggesting it's not probable.

If your friend wants to focus on the positive stories to stay in a positive frame of mind, by all means tell her these anecdotes. If she's seeking advice, then direct her to a fertility clinic and have them run some test and determine the best course of action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

If I knew you in real life of course I would be too polite to say anything but I would be certain that you used a donor egg. Which is fine! But you are likely not fooling anyone. I would just nod and go along with whatever narrative you were sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

If I knew you in real life of course I would be too polite to say anything but I would be certain that you used a donor egg. Which is fine! But you are likely not fooling anyone. I would just nod and go along with whatever narrative you were sharing.

Seriously, why delude yourself like this? Just because nobody is saying it out loud doesn’t mean they don’t know. They are happy for you and don’t care but they are well aware those are donor eggs at 44. You’re only a unicorn in your own mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

If I knew you in real life of course I would be too polite to say anything but I would be certain that you used a donor egg. Which is fine! But you are likely not fooling anyone. I would just nod and go along with whatever narrative you were sharing.

Seriously, why delude yourself like this? Just because nobody is saying it out loud doesn’t mean they don’t know. They are happy for you and don’t care but they are well aware those are donor eggs at 44. You’re only a unicorn in your own mind.

DP
A lot of people here are deluding themselves that they know about donor eggs. You have no idea. Maybe, maybe not. Women had children at 44 for thousands of years. One should not plan their procreation based on those but they do happen and have been happening forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

If I knew you in real life of course I would be too polite to say anything but I would be certain that you used a donor egg. Which is fine! But you are likely not fooling anyone. I would just nod and go along with whatever narrative you were sharing.

I am not sharing any narrative. I am also not sharing my passport or DL. I can pass for late 30s early 40s. The point is you dont know who does what in the fertility domain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

Sorry, no one believes that a 44 year old is pregnant with her own eggs.

Sorry, but apparently a bunch of people on page one of this thread do.

I know a couple ladies who had oops babies at 44/45. These women had children about to start high school and were already talking about empty nest plans. There is no way in hell they went through fertility treatments and paid for donor eggs. One went to my church and she was pretty devastated. It happens.

BIG difference if you already have children. This post is about someone with no children who has already had trouble getting pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, anything is possible, but there's plenty of data suggesting it's not probable.

If your friend wants to focus on the positive stories to stay in a positive frame of mind, by all means tell her these anecdotes. If she's seeking advice, then direct her to a fertility clinic and have them run some test and determine the best course of action.

This!

[Anonymous]

My SIL is a unicorn. Spent some of her 30s trying to get pregnant with no successful birth. She and her long term boyfriend broke up from a lot of the stress associated with it. Met her now DH at 40. Married at 42. He brought a 5 year old into the marriage and she loved being a step mom. Because of all her issues in her 30s, they decided not to use birth control. She got pregnant at 43 and gave birth to my healthy and happy niece at 44. They are elated (and a bit shocked)

[Anonymous]

I think it's unlikely. At this point, she should probably get comfortable with the other ways to have children. She should get through her divorce, give herself time to heal and then start dating. If things work out, she could (a) maybe have a pregnancy with donor eggs, (b) look for a surrogate, (c) adopt or (d) be a stepmom or foster mom. If she's fixated on having her own kids with her own eggs but only within a marriage, she is very likely to scare off any potential husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

If I knew you in real life of course I would be too polite to say anything but I would be certain that you used a donor egg. Which is fine! But you are likely not fooling anyone. I would just nod and go along with whatever narrative you were sharing.

I am not sharing any narrative. I am also not sharing my passport or DL. I can pass for late 30s early 40s. The point is you dont know who does what in the fertility domain.

Your friends don’t know how old you are? Do you have any old friends or did you just meet them all?

[Anonymous]

She should just try for a baby on her own. I’m a single parent and I bet you she earns more than I do! I’m a teacher.

[Anonymous]

If she wants a biological child, why not try now. It’s the modern era. She’s likely to remarry someone with his own kids too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine had 4 kids without any fertility help. The last 2 of the 4 were at 42 and 45. All kids are healthy.

Having your first biological child after 40 (without fertility treatments) is much less likely than what you describe, so not really relevant for op’s friend, I’m afraid. Basically if you don’t use it your body shuts it down sooner.

Op, tell your friend to go to an RE and get a work up to find out what her chances are. They will give her specific info about her body like egg counts and help her figure out what her next options might be. Information is power.

To be honest her own egg chances are already only 4% at age 43, even with Ivf. Donor egg though is still very possible.

This is not true. I gave birth just after turning 43. I had no problem getting pregnant. I was lectured by a whacko doctor at 38, he told me if I wanted kids I needed to go on fertility drugs ASAP. I was newly married at the time and we didn’t know if we wanted kids. Fast forward 4 years to conceive naturally and have an easy pregnancy.

The statistics that the medical community bases the conception mis information off of is from 1970s and the research stopped at women over 35. Women are having kids later and fertility treatments are better. My advice to your friend is to freeze her eggs. Also, date a younger guy?

No. She should not freeze 42 year old eggs.

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom by choice. I had my daughter when I was 39 (using donor eggs).

Your friend needs to take time to heal from her divorce, and then she can explore ways to either find a new partner or to have a baby or both.

[Anonymous]

Why would a man in his 40s who wants a family not exclusively date younger women instead of taking on some IVF/donor egg project of a girlfriend/fiancé/wife? It’s just a sad reality that finding a stranger willing to go this route might be easier imagined than done.