Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?

[Anonymous]

Not blaming your friend, but curious why she didn’t have Kids in marriage #1?

[Anonymous]

My sister. Met DH on match.com at 40. Married at 42. Baby born at 43. No IVF, healthy pregnancy and baby. She’d never been married before. Her DH was divorced but no kids and he is 4 years older.

Friend met her partner on a group biking trip. She was 42. Baby at 44 with IVF. They’d each been married and divorced, no kids. They decided marriage wasn’t for them again but they live together, are committed, desperately wanted the baby.

[Anonymous]

PP—my sister I mentioned above just reminded me that our cousin got divorced at 42, remarried at 44. Her DH has kids from a previous marriage (he’s two years younger). The cousin froze her eggs during the divorce phase. She ultimately decided the stepkids gave her all the motherhood and love she craved from children. Maybe that will happen to your friend, too.

[Anonymous]

My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

[Anonymous]

Did she freeze eggs already? It’s possible but not very likely that your 42 year old friend will meet Mr. Right, get married, and give birth to her own biological kids so late in the game without ART. Your friend needs to find a sperm donor right now if she wants bio kids, not a husband who may never materialize.

[Anonymous]

It's extremely unlikely at 42/43. Most women see a big drop off in fertility between 40 to 42, to a point where even IVF can't help. There are unicorns, but I wouldn't bank on being one. Add in time to meet someone, date, get engaged, get married... and that's assuming she's recovered from the divorce.

I reached this point at 40 and finally called it. I used frozen embryos I had banked and decided to become a single mom by choice. I have the rest of my life to meet someone, but not the rest of my life to have biological children. And I didn't really want to become a first-time mom at 45.

[Anonymous]

Married long term partner at 39, first child at 41, second child at 42. No intervention other than having my IUD removed. I know there are lots of people struggling with fertility challenges, but I think some of the doom and gloom about older parents is overstated.

(I know that's not exactly the scenario OP asked about, but just to counter some of the PPs.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married long term partner at 39, first child at 41, second child at 42. No intervention other than having my IUD removed. I know there are lots of people struggling with fertility challenges, but I think some of the doom and gloom about older parents is overstated.

(I know that's not exactly the scenario OP asked about, but just to counter some of the PPs.)

So because you were able to get pregnant unassisted in your early forties, you believe that the actual data around conception rates and fertility by age is incorrect.

Your arrogance coupled with your poor critical thinking skills don’t help here.

[Anonymous]

While I knew my Dh before 40, we didn’t really get together until I was 41, moved in together at 42 and had a baby naturally at 43. But it really does depend on the woman. I went for IVF to have a second and was told I had a “young” reproductive system. I agree with your friend seeing an RE to get a sense of what she is looking at, and if viable, freeze some of her eggs ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married long term partner at 39, first child at 41, second child at 42. No intervention other than having my IUD removed. I know there are lots of people struggling with fertility challenges, but I think some of the doom and gloom about older parents is overstated.

(I know that's not exactly the scenario OP asked about, but just to counter some of the PPs.)

So because you were able to get pregnant unassisted in your early forties, you believe that the actual data around conception rates and fertility by age is incorrect.

Your arrogance coupled with your poor critical thinking skills don’t help here.

The data surrounding conception rates is largely not great and some of it is extremely dated. After 40 is a dropoff, but may not be nearly as dire as it is made out to be.

Interesting article:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/

[Anonymous]

Since she’s already 42, that ship has most likely sailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

Sorry, no one believes that a 44 year old is pregnant with her own eggs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

Sorry, no one believes that a 44 year old is pregnant with her own eggs.

After congrats the first thing my boss and coworkers asked when I announced my pregnancy at 44 was if it was my own eggs.
We are all scientists and good friends and they knew I'd been trying for a long time but I certainly I wasn't fooling anyone.

[Anonymous]

Is there really that big of a difference between 42 and 44?

I had my third child at 38. I conceived all three of my children the first or second month of trying. Trying just meaning no protection in middle of the month.

I’m 41 now and feel I absolutely could have another child if I wanted.